Hoofers safe?

Abuse is rife in Hoofers and Hoofer Sailing Club, but it's unclear how widespread child sexual abuse is. The HSC Youth Program caters to children as young as 10, and every summer (pandemic notwithstanding) dozens or even hundreds of children are left alone at Hoofers to learn sailing--and potentially other things. Naturally those adults who engage in child abuse try hard to cover their tracks.

In many large organizations, child sexual abuse is apparently rampant. The Boy Scouts now have a $2.6 Billion trust fund for some 82,000 (claimed) victims of sexual abuse. Sadly, the Catholic Church is also known for molestation of boys, and you can bet other churches are not far behind. As far as grade schools, "herd immunity" may help to protect students in general from sexual abuse, but it is still a widespread problem in American schools. Most alarming, this includes assaults and harassment by teachers. Almost 10% of all children report having been sexually abused by a teacher in grade school [LINK2].

Thus it is apparent that in any organization where large numbers of children interact regularly with adults, there will be sexual harassment and abuse. After all, it's only natural to want to boink anything that moves and is cute. Given that cuteness is a highly subjective term, that means just about anyone is at risk of getting touched, groped, or worse against their will, and the younger you are, the greater the risk. K-12 schools in general may not lend themselves to sexual abuse, which benefits from alone time between mentor and youth, but HSC does provide some alone time out on the water.

Sexual harassment and abuse is well known among adult Hoofer sailors and typically consists of club officers groping women at the alcohol-laced socials or inappropriate touching on lessons. Male instructors and club officers (no names yet) are usually the perps, with one older Badger Sloop instructor in particular having admitted to touching young women on lessons.

Even if it was usually just "on the shoulder", the fact is that when an older man touches a girl or young woman anywhere, even through her shirt, it's a thrill for him. The woman may not even realize that this seemingly innocent hand on her shoulder is sending shivers down the spine of the toucher (and perhaps even further down) as he steps off the boat. Women, too, engage in sexual harassment including false reports about men they don't like.

In other Hoofer-related news, Chancellor Blank stare is finally leaving, as she should have long ago. One big problem with hiring a person as a figurehead is that they actually have to take on responsibility. Among her failures, the UW has steadily dropped in national rankings since Blank stare became chancellor in 2013. In her defense, the UW was already starting to slide before her arrival.

The Packers: Hooferesque

NOV 8 UPDATE: As the A-Rod fallout continues to spread, entertaining videos of him getting slammed by various sports and TV personalities are here and here. Also, at right is the new "Hoofer highball," invented by none other than Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers. WARNING: Not recommended to prevent or treat Covid-19 or anything else. Use ivermectin only on the advice of a doctor!

NOV 5 UPDATE: Today A-Rod tried to cover himself by spewing more lies. Then he compounded those lies with even more lies, e.g. by claiming he's allergic to the vaccines. It's all very Hooferesque. And instead of getting vaccinated, he's been taking ivermectin, an anti-parasitic drug for farm animals that's useless against viruses. He's also worried about the vaccine affecting his sperm count. We're worried about that too--as in, it's scary to think he might reproduce. The world has enough idiots already.

November 4— For those who weren't already aware that Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, a.k.a. A-Rod, is an A-hole, he just tested positive for Covid-19. The kicker is that he lied about his vaccination status back in August, before the start of the football season. In August he said he was immunized. Hehe, that would be immunized, not vaccinated. Clever boy, or not. Ever since, he's been going around un-masked, hugging other players, attending crowded parties, etc--to help demonstrate his supposed vaccinated status.

Anal-Rod's actress girlfriend Shailene Woodley is a big fan of "homeopathic medicine", which is what A-rod chose instead of vaccination. This goes to show the depth of harm caused by ignorance, which usually comes from a lack of education. In A-Rod's case the ignorance, which can spread like a virus, is compounded by duplicity. How does someone get to be a lying douchebag in the first place? Maybe Wis. Union management can shed some light.

For those who aren't sure what homeopathic "medicine" is, here's a great quote from Woodley, who is not a doctor:

"I first heard about the benefits of eating clay from a taxi driver."

Notice how the dishonesty (and/or ignorance) is woven right into the construct of the sentence, as if there actually were any benefits. In reality, eating clay is a medical condition where the affected compulsively eat non-food substances. It's kind of like chewing on your fingernails, only much worse.

Today Ass-Rod punted when asked if he deliberately misled everyone (read: lied) when he claimed in August to have been vaccinated, er, immunized. Wanna bet that when he finally responds, he'll claim that he thought homeopathic treatment was the same as vaccination? Of course he will. He's a sleazeball, just like Packers Head Coach Matt Lafleur who condoned it.

And that brings us to Hoofers. Is it inevitable that people in positions of authority will be dishonest douchebags, or is it the position itself that turns them into that thing..? After much discussion and beer, our opinion is that it's mostly sleazy individuals or wannabe crooks who are drawn to positions of authority in the first place.

Everyone else would rather be sailing.

Hoofer Staff Suspected of More Thefts

Are UW/Hoofer staff at it again? In the past, student Wis. Union employees have been caught stealing money in the Rathskeller, and Hoofer staff have committed various crimes including theft and fraud and embezzlement, among other things.

To try to deter ongoing criminal behavior, Wisconsin Union management installed hundreds of surveillance cameras throughout the building. Cameras are ubiquitous in commercial areas like Outdoor UW and the Rat. In the small Outdoor rentals area alone (photo), there are no fewer than five surveillance cameras, with more in the hallway.

Blanket surveillance serves two purposes. For one, it deters theft and other crimes, for obvious reasons. Secondly, it allows Union managers to spy on persons of interest, individuals they don't like, cute girls, etc. Many Wis. Union managers are pervs who would do that. They'll argue that surveillance is necessary given the Rathskeller thefts and past thefts from Hoofers of outboard motors, tools, equipment, etc. that were probably committed by employees. In the Rathskeller thefts scandal, several students were handcuffed and dragged away, prompting some 20 other student employees to quit in protest. Naturally they didn't like the idea of being handcuffed themselves and taken away in front of friends and other people. Hence we can assume that everyone who quit was also stealing from the till.

At Hoofers and Outdoor programs, the situation is similar. What's to stop an employee from pretending to ring up a sale, then simply pocketing the money? It doesn't work when someone uses a credit card, but plenty of people pay in cash. T-shirts and other items disappear, and no one really knows or cares what happened.

Except Big Daddy, who is watching on a dozen surveillance cameras. Hell, they could probably create a 3D model of you, the coverage is that good. Not coincidentally, some of the cams provide a good look down a bikini, too.

So why did the Union remove its webcam of the Terrace? Hoofers also used to have a webcam that you could use to check the flag, see if there was a sloop avaliable, check lake conditions, etc., but not anymore. Surveillance is only for those in authority. The rest of us get surveilled.

BOY + GIRL = C-CUP!

August, it's the pinnacle of summer, hot steamy nights, the birds and the bees, boy meets girl, instructors meet naïve paying club members, and so on.

Add Commodore's Cup to that, and it's a dangerous mix. Despite yesterday's red flag, C-Cup '21 is well underway and going great. Not compared to some past commodore's cups, maybe, but then Hoofers ain't what it used to be.

In the interest of keeping everybody healthy for the copulatory kerfuffle, all Hoofer sailors must follow the special C-Cup rules:

1. Alcohol of 80 proof or better must be carried at all times and used to wash touched surfaces and to rinse the mouth.
2. Non-consumable alcohol such as isopropyl shall not be carried because someone might drink it inadvertently.
3. In a pinch, beer may be used (that should work, right?)
4. Mouths should be rinsed regularly to kill germs and for fresh breath. Mount Gay Rum is recommended! (no swallowing if you're under 21)

Ladies, if during Commodore's Cup you are sexually assaulted at Hoofers, or touched, groped (see comments), or squeezed without your consent, please report it to the proper authorities. You could also describe your experience here for the benefit of others (you can do so anonymously).

Some male Hoofer Sailing instructors will try to cop a feel every chance they get. It can be as innocent as putting a hand on your shoulder, ostensibly to balance himself as he steps down into the cockpit, or it might mean squeezing down into the cabin when it's already occupied, or brushing your hand with his while demonstrating how to grind or tail a winch.

Male instructors will also undress you with their eyes (and do much more in their mind's eye). When you wear shorts or a bikini, you encourage it. It's why women in Islamic states wear less revealing attire. Sailing instructors have been known to slip into the Lake Lab for quick release when no one else is around (sorry, we can't be any more explicit than that).

However, if a guy you don't like is just looking at you or saying "hi" to you, there isn't much you can do, although in the past some women have made false reports that were effective.

Libel and slander are a cornerstone of Hoofer operations.

So let's everyone have fun and not get caught!

The round peg into the little round hole

Video just released shows the destruction and demolition of Toy Boat and the old J/29. Do you remember them? They were smashed to pieces in 2015. How about Maria and Soma? If you remember those boats, you have truly been around Hoofers for a long time.

Keelboats come and go here. Now we've got two Tartan-10's and a new 36 footer for the kiddies to fight over. Sometimes we have better boats, sometimes we have junkers like the T-10's. In any case, they all last for a few years until Hoofers damages them to the point where no one wants to fix them anymore, then they're trashed for the insurance money.

Here is an example of Hoofers abusing various keelboats. How some of them died:

• Toy Boat's mast broke because no one ever checked the cowling where the mast went through the deck, which had worn out, causing the mast to weaken and break.
• The J/29 simply got beat up until it wasn't worth repairing anymore. The final straw may have been when Chris F. ran it aground.
• Decoy, Hoofers' biggest boat ever, was run aground so hard that it almost tore the keel off. It had to be lifted out the next day--forever.
• Estrella (or was it Off-Call?) tore loose from its mooring and blew onto the concrete steps at the Union. Did club leaders tow it back out..? Nope--they let it bounce on the concrete all night so they could reap the insurance money.
• Maria was rammed by a drunken motorboater--not Hoofers' fault (amazingly). It had to be lifted out, but was repaired and found a third life years later in Montana!
• Soma--what ever became of Hoofer's most iconic boat? No one knows. (A certain ex-Hoofer is rumored to have Soma hidden in his backyard, camouflaged as a cow, still dreaming of repairing her one day.)

Amazingly, Hoofer keelboat instructors are [in]competent to sink boats anywhere--not just on Lake Mendota.

Remember when you were a kid and you were being selfish with your toys, and your mom said, "You share that with Stevie or I'll take it away!"? Of course you do. It's why you're in Hoofer Sailing Club now--you want to control the big toys.

There is a strong incentive for certain people to get rid of keelboats as fast as possible. When they get rid of one, you lose your ratings (or they become useless), and they regain control. It helps that there are plenty of filthy rich people out there willing to donate their beloved old boats to die in in Hoofers.

The moral of the story: If you feel like there are little bugs crawling all over your body, there probably are. (I get that feeling sometimes when I put on a hoofer life jacket.)

If the Facebook video link goes away, we'll post the videos to youtube. Thanks to the uploader.

LIFT-IN THIS SATURDAY

Despite the continuing pandemic and restrictions on campus, everyone is itching to get back to the lakefront and start drinking again, especially club hacks like Lukas D. He and a few others are also anxious to start slipping their hands where they don't belong again, as child molesters do. Abusers may be the ones who've been hit hardest by the pandemic--they haven't had anyone to abuse for more than a year now!

That's about to change, assuming things move forward as planned. The goal is to have restricted sailing starting next month, including seven (7) keelboats going into the water this Saturday.

By the way, guys--they are keelboats, not "keels" or "keel boats" (or BOC toys). Can we get a club secretary who at least knows how to read?

Lift-in is still scheduled for this Saturday, May 1, starting at 1 PM.

The photo above shows several of the keelboats all ready to go.

Thanks to JoAnn Long and many others who have spent hundreds of hours this spring sanding, painting, and repairing the boats to get them ready.

Rectal exam optional

Important news as the A-Rod-led Packers prepare to watch another Super Bowl on TV.

As of Monday, many campus buildings now have a "Badger Wellness Ambassador" (a.k.a. bouncer/enforcer) at the door or roaming the hallways, asking to see everyone's Badger Badge. As most members of the community already know, that's a cell phone app that proves you're not a virus breeder. Actually, it only proves you're probably not a virus breeder, and since most people don't have the virus at any given time, we didn't really need a cell phone app to tell us that.

The program provides jobs for people who are desperate for work. None of this leads to emotional wellness, but that's not the objective. It's a feel-good program so that UW admins can reopen while claiming they're doing everything they can to stop the spread of the virus (except teaching virtually). Starting next week (Feb 8), the rule will be enforced.

If you fail to comply, e.g. try to slip into a building without having been tested for Covid-19 within the past three days, you'll be detained and "referred to appropriate resources" (i.e. bumwackers in dark blue suits) for compliance. And they might do a lot more than ask to see your Badger Badge...

As an alternative to referral for corporeal punishment, you may unzip and present to a real, live, hungry badger (this is called a virus exposure). And as most 'sconnies know, badgers are omnivorous--they'll eat anything. The long and short of it (no pun intended) is: don't forget your cell phone, and don't let the battery die!

Hoofers will have their own wellness ambassador. Look for eyes peering out at you through the clear plastic window of a packed spinnaker. Other individuals such as Dave Elsmo and the commodore can also demand to see your Badger Badge. If they do, you should demand to see theirs first. Don't let them molest you.

Welcome to the third decade of the 21st century in Wisconsin.