Bye bye beer bongs

Reminded/inspired by a comment, we looked into UW's new alcohol policy which will take effect at the start of this coming spring semester. It's pretty scary, assuming it actually gets enforced, although in the past, enforcement of UW's alcohol policies has been haphazard at best. Every Friday social and Commodore's Ball I've ever attended has broken the existing RSO alcohol policy (which is essentially the same as the general campus policy) by not having a "beer-garden" where drunkards are kept isolated from those under 21. And of course by actually serving alcohol to those under 21.

Now they've added a kicker:

"For alcoholic beverage service to be permitted, at least two-thirds of attendees (at an event) must be above the age of 21."

Perhaps the BOC can hire older folks to show up at socials just to make sure at least 2/3 of those present are at least 21... Otherwise, they cannot reasonably claim that 2/3 of the attendees at any Hoofer Sailing event are of legal drinking age because so many are students. (The term event includes "any gathering, program, or activity" that takes place on university property.)

Another, funnier(?) requirement: "Events must have one responsible employee for the first 50 attendees, and one additional responsible employee for each 25 additional attendees. A responsible employee is defined as a faculty, limited, academic staff or classified staff appointment age 21 or over." Thus, former Hoofer Advoosigator Jim Rogers could in theory serve as a "responsible employee" at Hoofer socials! (if he hadn't been banned from the area) :D

According to UW Vice Chancellor/Crook Darrell Bazzell, "The new policy is intended to promote a safe campus environment and culture of responsibility." But, but,... no one has ever been killed in Hoofer Sailing Club. Why punish us? Beer bongs aren't even used at most HSC events.

Anyway, this is all academic because there's nothing to keep individuals from buying beer up in the Rat and then walking straight down to the lakefront with it.

The Hoofer Syndicate

I came across this page and am having trouble figuring out why the Wisconsin Union and Hoofers don't qualify as an organized crime syndicate. Wisconsin Union and Hoofer managers and employees regularly engage in activities such as:

1. Fraud. HSC advertises that when you join the sailing club (Hoofers' largest club by far), you pay a $65 "deposit" that you can later get refunded. But almost no one ever gets it back, and each winter, unelected Hoofer officers secretly discuss how to avoid having to refund all that money (so they can keep it for themselves). And that's a lotta cash ($65 x 1000 members.)
2. Extortion. Union and Hoofer managers have been known to threaten people to get money out of them or to try to get them to act against their will. That's coercion or extortion.
3. Obstruction of justice. According to information we've received, Wis. Union and Hoofer employees have repeatedly made false and spurious reports to the police, the intent being harassment or monetary gain for themselves.
4. Employing criminals. Many BOC and instructors engage regularly in libel, slander, stalking, and other crimes, though they're rarely prosecuted because UW police are their friends. However, some ex-commodores have been formally charged with felonies and others have committed crimes. Ex-bigboy Jim Rogers himself engaged in criminal activities, leading eventually to his ouster from Hoofers. There also appear to be convicted felons serving as club officers.
5. In addition, it seems likely that Wis. Union and/or Hoofer employees have engaged in embezzlement and other activities that are also outlawed under RICO (that's in addition to the state crimes noted above, i.e. libel, obstruction, theft, stalking, etc.).

Importantly, many of those Hoofer "leaders" obtain their positions of authority through cronyism, intimidation, and other inappropriate means.

Also interesting: In addition to committing crimes, Wis. Union employees and managers have engaged in SLAPP (strategic lawsuit against public participation) lawsuits in an attempt to intimidate and silence individuals who have sued them. That is, Wis. Union managers and Hoofer Sailing Club commodores have brought harassing, illegal lawsuits to intimidate victims/whistle blowers to try to shut them up. In some cases they've done this in retaliation for themselves having been brought before the courts.

In short, HSC operates very much like an organized crime syndicate.

Perhaps someone can investigate all club employees and BOC to see who else has been charged with and/or convicted of crimes.

Sailor's nightmare

Hoofers has gotten pretty boring lately, so here's some non-Hoofer news for those who might have missed it. The photo shows two waterspouts that appeared over Lake Michigan on Thursday afternoon (photo taken by harbor police in Kenosha). Story and more photos can be found here.

Harbor police... why, that sounds a lot like Hoofers now.

What $20 million buys you

The new Hoofer area is now open! Well, some of it is, though much is still undergoing final touch-up. It looks like the friendly confines of the old Hoofers have been replaced by a xenophobic maze of locked doors and security cameras--a "Hoofers for the 21st century". The photo montage shows some interior views superimposed on a shot of the outdoor facade.

A quick tour reveals a labyrinth of halls and closed doorways. Surveillance cameras dot the ceiling (there are five in the front office alone--has someone been pocketing the cash?!), and electronic locks secure most doors. They've gotcha coming and going now. One-way glass lets people inside keep an eye on people outside while all the latter see is their own reflection. Our latest info is that the new Hoofer area, when complete, will sport 50 (fifty) surveillance cameras. OMG. Who's on first?

Diagnosing the infection

In honor of the traditional Annual Instructor Party, and in honor of our previous post below explaining how we are better than you, and in honor of Tom Barry who invented the funky monkey award, we're sharing our favorite page from the HSC Instructor Manual (at right). This is a secret document not available to general club members. Instructors are actually warned not to show it to non-instructors. Why?

Because it tells about some of the secret parties, trips, and other goodies that only instructors get to enjoy (at your expense). We're even discouraged from inviting our boyfriends/girlfriends and BOC members. It's only for HSC instructors. All 60-80 of us.

I like how it says sailing seasons are measured by how good the instructor parties are! (weekly parties that aren't even open to 90% of club members). Not by how many ratings were given out, or how few injuries there were, or how many keelboats were donated, or anything like that. But by how good the private parties were.

I especially like Jim Rogers' comment about the ANNUAL PARTY (again, only for instructors), otherwise known as Instructor Weekend Off:

"If the club disintegrates without us, who cares?"

That's a non-sequitor, Jim. The instructors are the club! Duh. Everybody else are just paying customers.

NOTE: Dave Elsmo (or maybe Borko) removed that rather obnoxious line from the newer manuals, but nothing has actually changed.

MAKE BETTER FRIENDS!

Commodore's Cup 2013

July 12-20. This year's theme: SAFE DEMOLITION.

Come help us wreck expensive Hoofer boats! Actually they weren't expensive because we didn't pay for them. (You the general club members did We are the Hoofer leaders who sail the big boats.) Anyway, there will be lots of fun at this year's C-Cup:

• drunken partees every night
• alcohol on land at all times
• drinking after dark
• hangovers (like in the movie)
• secret mix courtesy of Capt. J!
• Drunken dancing
• Riotous acts that would be illegal anyplace else!

Need more reasons to participate? Your current friends suck. If you pay the modest C-Cup fee of just $60 ($70 for non-members), you'll meet better friends, like us! (I forget, who's idea was that slogan..?)

NOTE: FIRST TEAM MEETING IS TODAY, JUL 10

Straining to get it done

Q: What smells like fresh dog poop?

A: Hoofers!

At least if you're downwind from one of these portapotties, it does. You are probably smelling the fresh turd of a "shop" employee (or maybe some street person who snuck in late last night), but seriously, who would even step into one of those hot smelly boxes..? I'd go off the end of the pier before doing that, especially on a hot summer day like today. And yet, there is no denying the overripe smell wafting out of those green and blue pottyboxes.

NOTE: I am not suggesting that anyone use the end of a pier as a toilet. That would probably violate dozens of laws and would incur the full wrath of UW police upon you (even though it is perfectly legal for fish and ducks to use the lake as a toilet).

Clubbievent: KB Picnic

After a surprise early lift-in, sailing season is upon us, and here we have the season's first big sailing event.

Wanna meet other middle aged men? Or a hot young thing? Then join with us for a picnic-on-the-water this Sunday Jun 9. We'll be rafting the boats between picnic point and second point starting at 4pm. If you just got off a plane and don't know where picnic point is, GPS coordinates are here along with further details.

However, don't bother bringing your swimsuit. We'll be calling this "Little Alcatraz" because the water is still so cold. But do bring some food or drink to share, or we might just give you a dunking.

See ya on the water this Sunday!

Lift-in scheduled

With the Memorial Union reconstruction/money laundering in full swing and Hoofers torn up for the duration, there hasn't been much news this winter.

However, in a sign that spring isn't too far off now, keelboat lift-in has tentatively been scheduled for Sat May 25 at 8am. We are being "safe rather than sorry" but keep in mind that this was one of the coldest March's on record in Wisconsin. See recent photo above (note the construction equipment just visible at far left).

The current weather forecast is for more snow this Wed-Thurs.