Important news as the A-Rod-led Packers prepare to watch another Super Bowl on TV.
As of Monday, many campus buildings now have a "Badger Wellness Ambassador" (a.k.a. bouncer/enforcer) at the door or roaming the hallways, asking to see everyone's Badger Badge. As most members of the community already know, that's a cell phone app that proves you're not a virus breeder. Actually, it only proves you're probably not a virus breeder, and since most people don't have the virus at any given time, we didn't really need a cell phone app to tell us that.
The program provides jobs for people who are desperate for work. None of this leads to emotional wellness, but that's not the objective. It's a feel-good program so that UW admins can reopen while claiming they're doing everything they can to stop the spread of the virus (except teaching virtually). Starting next week (Feb 8), the rule will be enforced.
If you fail to comply, e.g. try to slip into a building without having been tested for Covid-19 within the past three days, you'll be detained and "referred to appropriate resources" (i.e. bumwackers in dark blue suits) for compliance. And they might do a lot more than ask to see your Badger Badge...
As an alternative to referral for corporeal punishment, you may unzip and present to a real, live, hungry badger (this is called a virus exposure). And as most 'sconnies know, badgers are omnivorous--they'll eat anything. The long and short of it (no pun intended) is: don't forget your cell phone, and don't let the battery die!
Hoofers will have their own wellness ambassador. Look for eyes peering out at you through the clear plastic window of a packed spinnaker. Other individuals such as Dave Elsmo and the commodore can also demand to see your Badger Badge. If they do, you should demand to see theirs first. Don't let them molest you.
Welcome to the third decade of the 21st century in Wisconsin.
Saturday, February 6, 2021
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