Kiddieland

Now that C-Cup is behind us, and a great one it was (except perhaps for Friday), we turn our attention to important things.

The photo at right shows Decoy during Commodore's Cup 2013. Note the elegant group on board--responsible, well-dressed men and women enjoying an evening cruise prior to the Commodore's Ball. Some appear to have a beer or cocktail in hand, yet there's no rowdiness, no stupor, no people stumbling overboard, no drownings, no disaster. And not one of them is wearing a lifejacket. That's because lifejackets are for babies. They simply are not necessary on Lake Mendota most of the time (not unless your skipper is incompetent). Alas, they are required by the Union's new rules. Why?

Now look at the other four photos, taken in 2018. Like some kind of adult day care-on-the-water for retards, every single person is wearing a lifejacket. This is despite clear skies and light wind. The crews are all awfully white too, but I digress.

Note also that no one has a drink in hand--despite an activity that would clearly be enhanced by a good buzz. This is because a single beer can cause you to become stupid and wander into traffic or fall off a boat. At least, that's what Dave Elsmo and Union management seem to think. Or are they trying to cover their asses for the drowning that occurred on their watch?

Drinking beer doesn't lead to drownings. What puts people at risk is HSC's favoritism-based practice (dating to Jim Rogers) of awarding J, O'Day, and keelboat ratings to popular individuals who aren't qualified for them. People like Michaela Rabas, for instance. Now, Dave Elsmo and Union management are trying to throw the blame by punishing us.

Think about what management is saying by disallowing any alcohol on the keelboats and by forcing everyone to wear a lifejacket at all times:

We're signing people off to skipper big boats they're not qualified to sail (much less teach on), so you'd better stay sober and wear your lifejacket if you want to live.


It is gross negligence of UW-Madison administrators to say that.

Three sheets to the wind!

JULY 17: We've added a pic of former two-timing commodore Mills Botham being carried around by his frat brothers (or pledges?). Boy are they gonna score some favors for that. There are plenty of former commodores here for the 40th Anniversary C-Cup, back (or still lingering) to enjoy their free lifetime membership. Hoofers is like high school--it's mainly about being popular and getting ahead at the expense of others.

ARE YOU AWARE that you and your friends suck? Well, fear not... you can make better friends in Hoofers, for just $40! (we didn't write that, the BOC did--see flyer at right.)

The 40th annual Drunkfest, a.k.a. Commodore's Cup, is coming up July 16-21. We'll have:

• Fine food such as hot dogs and Kool-Aid.
• The Sardine Race - abuse what's left of our Techs.
• Treasure Hunt - who can find the scow pier first!
• The NO Talent Show - self explanatory.
• Greased watermelon - try to grab your teammates by their greased bodies. No teeth, fingernails, or cavity searches please.
• Human Battleship - try to hit the boobs with the balloons.
• Poodle Jousting - bring your pet along and tie him to the forestay!
• And did we mention Kool-Aid and lemonade?!

Come party with recovering alcoholics, older singles, and Hoofer leaders. What we're wondering is: will people be required to wear their lifejackets in the sardine race..? That would cut down on the number of bodies you can cram into a Tech.

So sign up for C-Cup in the office! Team assignments will be random, with the cutest girls put on teams with the most desperate guys, e.g. club officers and keelboat instructors. (Do you believe that? You should.)

Note: NO ALCOHOL is allowed on any boats, but feel free to get jackhammered on shore before boarding.

Commodore's Cup is open to MOST PEOPLE†.

LGBT INDIVIDUALS AND RELIGIOUS GROUPS WELCOME!

†Except people we don't like, who will be harassed and prevented from participating (and we'll keep your registration fee too).