Elsmo Update

The campus state of emergency has been extended at least until July. That means continued virtual classes (how sick is that?), cancelled exams, no graduation, Wis. Union services suspended, and all campus libraries and computer labs closed indefinitely.

Don't worry, though--this does not affect Hoofer Sailing! Hoofer staff have been able to circumvent the governor's and chancellor's orders by having Hoofers declared "critical infrastructure". Hard to believe? Not if you know Mills and Dave.

This allows us to proceed with pier-in, lesson planning, and so on as if there were no pandemic at all (see photo of new Hoofer crane/ bungee-jump above). It's important that the season start soon since we're already losing wages. Well, a few of us are, and more of you will be real soon. Don't worry, we have no intention of waiting until July to sail. Sailing is necessary, and thus "critical", for various things that we want to do A.S.A.P., such as:

1. Making money
2. Having fun
3. Meeting girls (or boys if you're a girl)*
4. Getting wasted while eating brats
5. Getting slammered while watching the sun set
6. Receiving the adulation of paying members
7. Collecting cash from paying members.
8. Getting sloshed while sailing.
9. Did we mention getting paid?

No way are we waiting until the summer is half over to start doing those things. Hoofer activities take place outdoors, so there's no chance of catching anything from someone even if they're sick. Except maybe in the sardine race, but the Techs are gone now so that's not even an issue anymore. Even if someone does catch coronavirus at Hoofers, no big deal because it's not dangerous to young people.

So let's get fired up for a great 2020 season!

Club leaders: check the private BOC and/or instructor lists for more details and updates.

*Or members of the same sex or any other sex, or inflatable mannequins if that's your thing. Just to cover all the bases. Hoofers doesn't discriminate. much.

Sailing Head Dave Elsmo to quit

Tired of Wisconsin and its blossoming coronavirus outbreak, Sailing Program Manager David Elsmo has decided to quit. That's good news for many, and fortunately it won't be difficult to fill his shoes, not that we really need a program manager. More on this breaking story soon.

Elsmo's decision may be related to the fact that Hoofer piers are going into the water already--in defiance of Wis. Governor Tony Evers' order closing all non-essential Wisconsin businesses. All Wisconsin schools are also closed indefinitely. Yet, as of Monday, the T-dock is in (see photo), with more piers to follow. And the rest of Hoofers is gearing up for business as usual later this month.

We don't see Outdoor rentals, Hoofer Sailing, or general debauchery on the governor's list of essential businesses.

Are Hoofer piers considered "critical infrastructure"? Hardly. Looking at the list of essential businesses, there may be a loophole under "child care facilities". After all, HSC does cater as much to the kiddies (under 18) these days as to aspiring adult sailors. You certainly can't claim HSC falls under "educational institutions" because that's for distance-learning only (and it's debatable whether anyone learns anything in HSC anyway).

It turns out that to circumvent the governor's order, Elsmo got the piers designated as critical infrastructure. Hey, they're critical to sailing! We're looking into who authorized this--was it crooked Wis. Union managers or Chancellor Blank stare? "Head Instructor" and General Douchebag Mills Botham also participated in violating the governor's order. These Hoofer leaders want the 2020 season to start on time so they can start raking in the cash. We wouldn't be surprised if they're looking for ways to permanently circumvent the governor's order.

Guys, if nothing else, doing stuff like this makes the governor look like a clueless, impotent old fart.

If Elsmo were to change his mind and decide not to quit, he should be fired for involving himself in such a flagrant violation of the governor's order during an ongoing statewide and national disaster. Doing so puts lives at risk, and enough people have already died in recent years in HSC as a result of incompetent Hoofer employees.

Going down to the lakefront to put piers in the water or do other related "work" could be a criminal offense under Evers' order. At best, it sets a very, very bad example.