C-CUP '22

SAT 7/30 UPDATE: It's been a fun week, but something was missing. Maybe a formal sail this evening? Some entertaining events however, like Rhubarb trying to depart the T-dock, while still attached to the pier! This at a beam reach in a 20-25 knot west wind (see photo). It was blue flag at the time. Maxim-um screw-up.

SUNDAY 7/24 UPDATE: Our operatives got ahold of the secret questions for today's no talent trivia quiz (we've changed them just a bit so as not to give everything away). Here ya go:

1. Is T.rex your mommy, daddy, or none of the above?
2. How many flamingos does it take to lay an egg?
3. How many commodores does it take to drive off the competition?
4. Which animal male has the largest, um, weenie?
5. If the end of the world is coming, where will the asteroid hit?

Yup, those really are the questions, and they're not G-rated, although they might change if the wrong people see this before the event. Check back for more hints all week long!

Hoofer Sailing Club Commodore's Cup is here! Is this now a family event? There have been children present, possibly Youth sailors although I'm not sure because I am not teaching youth lessons this year. And 10 feet away? Guys with pitchers of beer getting sloshed. Hmmm.

In any case, C-Cup is your chance to play all sorts of fun games and be groped by the commodore! (if you're female, or maybe it doesn't matter). Several former commodores have already been spotted (see photo). The event could be called Criminal's Cup due to past commodores who have committed criminal acts--Lukas Duddleston '19, Matt Duerst '09, Mike Larsen '05, Nathan Salowitz '00, to name a few. There are others who have violated the law, though possibly not criminally, like Mills Botham '17 and others. We don't know whether Austin Suvari has gone astray yet, but there is still time! (Some other Hoofer employees have also committed crimes.)

Have any been charged or convicted? Not to our knowledge, although some Wis. Union employees have been. The problem is that many cops, prosecutors and judges are also corrupt (and others are incompetent), so laws don't get enforced. Or worse, they are used as a coercive tool to beat innocent people into submission. The old saying 'power corrupts' is a truism because as you gain more and more authority, you tend to be guided less and less by any moral compass.

This past Thursday evening, Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-Il.) summed it up:

"Laws are just words on paper. They mean nothing."

It's an astonishing statement, especially coming from a lawmaker. At least he seems to be an honest one. In fairness, his full statement was: Laws are just words on paper. They mean nothing, without public servants dedicated to the rule of law and who are held accountable by a public that believes oaths matter more than party tribalism or the cheap thrill of scoring political points.

Was Kinzinger quoting straight out of the unpublished Hoofer Leader Manual?

In the absence of effective laws, people take their cues from animals. In many species, e.g. orangutans, the males do it with eachother while the females look on in confusion. Hence homosexuality is perfectly natural, or at least bisexuality is. Note however that in many cases the behavior is agonistic or domineering. Maybe that's why some Hoofer men become aggressive after approaching another guy and having been rejected. Male dolphins form alliances to keep competitors away from females, then rape the females themselves. Similarly, Hoofer leaders abuse their positions to drive off individuals they don't like, then try to monopolize women, boats, and whatever else they can. It is tribalism, cliqueness taken to an extreme.

Of course, not all commodores are crooks. Some (Matti, Pepe, JJ, and others) were more interested in having fun and partying than in embezzling money or slandering club members.

So as you make an ass of yourself this week, hoist one to them, the great commodores of the past!

Hoofers: Gangrene setting in

In recent months, I've heard from a number of people how great the sailing club is these days. The Badger Sloops are great! The instructors are great! The food is great! (uttered by a homeless person at a Friday social). The Techs are great! (that's actually true)

So just how great is it?

☉ The club is as xenophobic as ever. Still all white, still a feeding frenzy for paid positions (see screen capt), still slandering people as a way of asserting dominance. If you haven't heard any slander, it's because you don't rate the latest gossip, or maybe you didn't realize it was slander.

☉ We're treated like 5-year olds and ordered to wear our lifejackets. This is to teach us that it was very naughty of a Hoofer Sailing instructor to cause the drowning of a student in 2015. It's not that big a deal for us as instructors, but you feel for the general club members who have to share smelly old lifejackets every day.

☉ No more beer on the keelboats, not even with other consenting adults, some of whom are old enough to be your grandpa. All because a few drunkards took it too far and crossed the line. Well, and killed a couple of people.

☉ And (drumroll please)... The club's most experienced sailors managed to sink Sassafras a few weeks ago, one of the club's Tartan-10's (photo to right). Never checked the thru-hull fittings. Hence no surprise that the first storm that comes along sinks the boat, which may be a total loss due to water damage. We fragged Sassy's ass!

Hey Chicago, we need more keelboat donations again!

Hoofers' regular periodic conversion of keelboats into insurance money is so alarming that the original donor of Spray gave $5000 to the club so we wouldn't cash Spray in too! I think that's a first.

Overall, HSC is like a leg that has turned gangrene, then gets sprinkled with perfume and wrapped in a flowered sheet. Sorry, but that won't save the leg. One thing that's particularly nauseating to me personally is the mock seriousness at BOC meetings as young minds are schooled in the art of the steal.

Most of the old crowd is gone, but the ex-Advoosigator still lingers, attached to HSC like a 60-year old lamprey to a dying balleen whale, eager at the Youth program's return, and slandering those who done him wrong. He still likes to slip in a Mickey (figuratively speaking) with club leaders every once in awhile too, so watch out. A certain ex-commodore ambles by every so often in his button-down and baseball cap, seemingly lost. It's almost as if he doesn't recognize Hoofers anymore. Where's the beer? A few others from the good ol' days also resurface periodically.

There are some good people, of course, but they're trapped between the status (and cash) they enjoy as instructors or BOC and an urge to run screaming from this place. Most of the traditions are long gone. Mooning the Betty Lou horrified Union managers because it caused them to imagine dropping their own drawers, which would expose their tiny [CENSORED] and fat [CENSORED]. Since they never got a bid to join a frat and had to live in the dorms for four years (many years ago), they never learned how to have fun.

The good vibes are all gone, the whole renovation a farce. Thank you, Mr. Guthier, and Welcome To The New Hoofers! Where safety comes first, followed by sobriety, surveillance, and sycophancy.

And Shivjit. Apparently he is still doing keelboat lessons? OMG he is so clueless. He should have to re-certify his own skipper rating before being allowed to "teach" any more lessons.