Given the current state of affairs, we ask that Hoofer Sailing Club members and anyone else hanging around the Hoofer area please adhere to the following guidelines until such time that in-person classes may resume:
1. No more sharing of liquor bottles or beer bongs. From now on all alcohol shall be squirted, sprayed, or hosed directly into the mouth using a club-approved device.
2. No more intimate acts in the men's bathroom/locker room.
3. No more sushi or other raw meat in the office.
4. Happy St. Patty's Day!
NOTE: B.O.C. and instructors are of course exempt from the above rules.
WHERE is our commodore in this time of crisis? Does he have a plan to deal with the corona beer virus? Has he a plan for returning our beloved Techs to their past glory? It's also his job (not ours) to inform membership of the passing of beloved instructors.
Coincidentally, with spring break and the corona virus upon us, it's nearly time to hire, er, vote for a replacement commodore. You'll have to do this online, like everything else these days. In addition, the "town hall" event originally scheduled for March 27 has been cancelled. We are working on a virtual meeting that could be held online (that way you can only catch a computer virus). The way things are looking, with the cancellation or indefinite postponement of the NBA and major league baseball seasons, the whole 2020 sailing season may end up being online.
Are you interested in dealing with [stuff] like this..? Do you crave power? Do you enjoy abusing others? If so, then nominate yourself as commodore! Better yet, have someone else do it for you (that will look better than nominating yourself). It's not too late despite what the club's official website says.
Some benefits of becoming Hoofer Sailing Club commodore:
• a $6,000 annual stipend! (that sure covers inflation--just a few years ago it was $1,000)
• a $400 Wiscard allowance! ($50/mo for the school year)
• a FREE lifetime membership to HSC (and the Wis. Union)!
• It's a resume builder (although I'd be wary of using that, given Hoofers' slide in recent years)
Other benefits (not listed on the website for obvious reasons):
• The power to abuse others, including your enemies.
• Immunity from prosecution for any crimes you commit.
• First pick of hot new (or naïve) female club members.
• You'll be able to track down those hotties at home using the club's own database--and you'll be able to do it without leaving a trace! (the commodore is one of just a handful of people who have superuser access.)
Does that sound like a stretch? Many other officials who are charged with enforcing the rules instead violate the public trust and use their position of authority for personal gain, stalking, etc. Past HSC commodores and head instructors have committed crimes and regularly ignore the rules.
And that big fat stipend is obviously one reason why membership costs have outpaced inflation in recent years.
So don't just sit around chugging beers. Help HSC and the Union twist young minds into a lifetime of crime! Apply now for the paid position of Hoofer Sailing Club commodore!
