Incredible Suckers

Like a fish flopping around on hot astroturf, Graham Mertz cocked his arm and threw from deep in Wisconsin territory. The ball was tipped, and caught!--by an Illini defender, and the crowd let out a collective gasp.

"Big time defense" was how radio announcer Matt Lepay characterized the play of the Illini, which led to a 34-10 loss for Wisconsin.

"The worst home loss that I can remember," was how another announcer characterized it. "The college football landscape has changed." It sure has. Northwestern is in first place now.

Last week's blowout at Ohio State was more or less expected, but to be embarrassed at home like this by Illinois? Where's that vodka bottle? I personally have never heard so many obscenities coming out of the mouths of Wisconsin fans after a game.

Illinois QB Tommy DeVito was 18/24 for a 75% completion rate, while Mertz was 17/32 for a paltry 53% completion rate, with two interceptions. The rushing attack was nonexistent: 16 total yards by Chez Mellusi, who is no Ron Dayne. He is more of a Nancy Drew, a dainty runner searching for holes that never appear. Maybe he can find a hole tonight. Actually, Ron Dayne is no Ron Dayne either, but he was great while he was at UW.

When the game was over, the Badgers had totaled 2 (two) net yards rushing because everyone else was going backward.

A 14-10 score at the half became an insurmountable 31-10 lead by late in the 3rd quarter. Illinois played like the home team, which isn't all that surprising considering that their head coach is former UW mastermind Bret Bielema.

Even Heach Coach Paul Chryst couldn't be honest in a postgame interview. At one point the interviewer asked him straight up: "Maybe some Badger players tried to play beyond their abilities..?" No comment.

"On paper, we should have beat them," said another announcer, still in denial. Hey, if you can't beat 'em, pretend that you did! Despite the embarrassing loss, the neighborhood is rocking with parties and the familiar Drink-drink-DRINK! Don't they realize their team just got slaughtered?

They do, but they don't care. As with the Brewers (link2), it's enough just to play the game as an also-ran. Win or lose, we're gonna get drunk afterward, especially when we lose, but the vibe is different--it's an even more enthusiastic binge tonight because there's nothing else to talk about, no gloating, no bragging about how great we are and how we just beat some other team in a meaningless football game.

It's drinking to get hammered, to forget. In the back of some people's minds may be a nagging concern, fading into an alcohol-induced haze: I hope at least the academics are good.

They're not. Although it was easy for Badger football to slide back into mediocrity, regaining the UW's former academic standing will be far more difficult, if not impossible. Former chancellors "Biddy" Martin, Blank Stare, and especially John D. Wiley emphasized sports over academics, and this is the result. It paid off for awhile with Rose Bowl appearances, but now we have a mediocre academic university and a mediocre football team.

Striving to excel has become a dirty word in Wisconsin. What's worse, no one has even bothered to ask the only ones who can provide the answer: the admins of this blog. There's really no need to ask--just explore the blog and you'll find out.

How does this all relate to Hoofers? It's baseline decay of The Wisconsin Idea, the inevitable result of having exceeded oneself. The motto "Sifting and winnowing" has come to mean winnowing out anyone who thinks differently (as a commenter noted on a previous post).

To some people, progress simply means change, and the randomness of things means that change will be for the worse as often as not. Just look at Hoofer Sailing. Guthier changed it, for sure.

Pirate's Day rained out

The melee that everybody was looking forward to on Saturday turned into a crowd huddled under the canopy for the afternoon. Everyone who stuck around, that is. Given the lingering pandemic and the number of gropers in Hoofers, we weren't comfortable packed in under the canopy. People gradually trickled off until only a few die hard, or hard-up, "pirates" were left (see photo, obtained by one of our operatives), hoping they didn't dress up for nothing and that the weather would miraculously clear up and let them be scurvy after all. That is, openly scurvy.

Did pirates in the 1700s run below and huddle in the fetid cabin whenever it rained? Not likely, and definitely not when other vessels were nearby, loaded with silver and gold and jewels and harlots. But then, they didn't have Hoofer's rules either, like no sailing if there's any lightning. Yet, there was no lightning on Saturday, which makes us think a lot of people around here have been beaten into submission by all the new rules.

It is true that the red flag was up because storms were in the area, but can't we make an exception for special events like C-Cup and PD? Well, Pirate's Day wouldn't be much fun anyway without alcohol. I mean, sober pirates..? Aargh.

Speaking of rules, here's the latest--Hoofer Sailing Club's new lifejacket rule:

A lifejacket must be worn at all times in the bathtub at home because you might fall asleep, slip under, or just slip, and drown without it. To enforce this rule, we have installed surveillance cameras in your shower faucet.

Brewers Downgrade for Playoff Push

AUG 28 UPDATE--We hate to do this, but we're going to eat our words. Despite everyone's initial reaction, including ours below, the Hader trade is looking like a good move. His ERA (earned run average) since joining the Padres is a horrific 25.71. But then, maybe if he hadn't been traded, he'd be pitching better. Who knows. All we can say for sure is that he's sucked big time since arriving in San Diego. The players the Brewers got back haven't played great, but they've been better than Hader. The Padres and Brewers are fighting for the last playoff spot (along with the Philthies).

Analysis.— By now everyone has heard the news, but I just have to let out this rant.

One day prior to Tuesday's MLB trade deadline, in what may go down as one of the worst trades in major league history, the first place Milwaukee Brewers on Monday in a stunning move sent their All-Star closer, Josh Hader, to the San Diego Padres for recently benched San Diego closer Taylor Rogers, reclamation project Dinelson Lamet, and two minor leaguers.

Then one day later, in a creepy second act to the incredible trade-away, Dinelson Lamet, the other major leaguer acquired by the Brewers, was DFA'd, i.e. released by the team. Urk?

What exactly is going on here? Does Brewers management know something that we don't, as in Hader is injured..?

"Thhbbbbbbb," said Brewers GM David Stearns when asked why he would trade away the game's best closer for a handful of marginal players.

Rogers was the Padres' closer until recently, when struggles saw his ERA balloon to 4.35. Hader, too, had a couple of bad outings in July, watching his own ERA balloon from 1.09 on July 1 to 4.24 as of August 1. But his velocity hasn't dropped, indicating that he's not injured.

As of August 2, Hader was leading the major leagues in saves this season. That means the Brewers got Rogers and two minor leaguers for the best closer in the game, and arguably the best player on the Brewers staff. Plus the Brewers are still on the hook for the rest of Lamet's $4.4M 2022 salary unless he gets picked up by another team.

Most first place teams at the trade deadline try to add a key piece or two to bolster their playoff run, but not the Brewers. They looked to the distant future, hoping to at least stay "competetive" for a few more years.

Apparently the rationale was: Hader will be a free agent in 2024 (not 2023) and we won't be able to re-sign him, assuming he's still good--so let's get rid of him now! That's two playoff runs the Brewers could have had him for before he becomes a free agent.

We explained the Brewers' modus operandi in a 2017 post. It's mediocrity, quantity over quality, the mindset of an also-ran. The problem with going for quantity is that major league rosters are limited to 26 total players, and 13 pitchers.

A less obvious and more insidious reason for the trade might be that Stearns, who wants to be released ASAP so he can join the Mets--where they do have a budget--made this move deliberately so the fans in Wisconsin would hate him so much that the Brewers would have to let him go early. Very clever, Dave. Unfortunately, in so doing you may have sabotaged any chance the Brewers had of advancing in the playoffs this year. You simply don't trade away one of your best players before the playoffs.

Hader had this to say about the trade:

"The atmosphere here [San Diego] is they want to win, and not just go to the playoffs but win a World Series," said Hader. "That's a contagious atmosphere to be a part of." By comparison, in Wisconsin it's enough just to play the game.

With that in mind, San Diego also did what the Brewers--or any first place team trying to go all the way--would have done. They also traded for Washington Nationals superstar outfielder Juan Soto and first baseman Josh Bell. That's what a team does if it's trying to get to the World Series. Not trade away your All-Star closer who's the best in the game.

San Diego was able to acquire Soto and Bell because they didn't send anything of value to the Brewers and still had all their top prospects to offer the Nationals.

The Brewers do have another All-Star reliever in Devin Williams, but they just traded one of their two aces for a jack, the two of clubs, and two cards in the blind. It should be noted that in his first appearance after the loss of Hader, Williams on Wednesday night gave up a game-winning home run to Pittsburgh in the ninth inning.

What does all this have to do with Hoofer Sailing Club?

It's another Wisconsin organization shitting on its customers.

C-CUP '22

SAT 7/30 UPDATE: It's been a fun week, but something was missing. Maybe a formal sail this evening? Some entertaining events however, like Rhubarb trying to depart the T-dock, while still attached to the pier! This at a beam reach in a 20-25 knot west wind (see photo). It was blue flag at the time. Maxim-um screw-up.

SUNDAY 7/24 UPDATE: Our operatives got ahold of the secret questions for today's no talent trivia quiz (we've changed them just a bit so as not to give everything away). Here ya go:

1. Is T.rex your mommy, daddy, or none of the above?
2. How many flamingos does it take to lay an egg?
3. How many commodores does it take to drive off the competition?
4. Which animal male has the largest, um, weenie?
5. If the end of the world is coming, where will the asteroid hit?

Yup, those really are the questions, and they're not G-rated, although they might change if the wrong people see this before the event. Check back for more hints all week long!

Hoofer Sailing Club Commodore's Cup is here! Is this now a family event? There have been children present, possibly Youth sailors although I'm not sure because I am not teaching youth lessons this year. And 10 feet away? Guys with pitchers of beer getting sloshed. Hmmm.

In any case, C-Cup is your chance to play all sorts of fun games and be groped by the commodore! (if you're female, or maybe it doesn't matter). Several former commodores have already been spotted (see photo). The event could be called Criminal's Cup due to past commodores who have committed criminal acts--Lukas Duddleston '19, Matt Duerst '09, Mike Larsen '05, Nathan Salowitz '00, to name a few. There are others who have violated the law, though possibly not criminally, like Mills Botham '17 and others. We don't know whether Austin Suvari has gone astray yet, but there is still time! (Some other Hoofer employees have also committed crimes.)

Have any been charged or convicted? Not to our knowledge, although some Wis. Union employees have been. The problem is that many cops, prosecutors and judges are also corrupt (and others are incompetent), so laws don't get enforced. Or worse, they are used as a coercive tool to beat innocent people into submission. The old saying 'power corrupts' is a truism because as you gain more and more authority, you tend to be guided less and less by any moral compass.

This past Thursday evening, Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-Il.) summed it up:

"Laws are just words on paper. They mean nothing."

It's an astonishing statement, especially coming from a lawmaker. At least he seems to be an honest one. In fairness, his full statement was: Laws are just words on paper. They mean nothing, without public servants dedicated to the rule of law and who are held accountable by a public that believes oaths matter more than party tribalism or the cheap thrill of scoring political points.

Was Kinzinger quoting straight out of the unpublished Hoofer Leader Manual?

In the absence of effective laws, people take their cues from animals. In many species, e.g. orangutans, the males do it with eachother while the females look on in confusion. Hence homosexuality is perfectly natural, or at least bisexuality is. Note however that in many cases the behavior is agonistic or domineering. Maybe that's why some Hoofer men become aggressive after approaching another guy and having been rejected. Male dolphins form alliances to keep competitors away from females, then rape the females themselves. Similarly, Hoofer leaders abuse their positions to drive off individuals they don't like, then try to monopolize women, boats, and whatever else they can. It is tribalism, cliqueness taken to an extreme.

Of course, not all commodores are crooks. Some (Matti, Pepe, JJ, and others) were more interested in having fun and partying than in embezzling money or slandering club members.

So as you make an ass of yourself this week, hoist one to them, the great commodores of the past!

Hoofers: Gangrene setting in

In recent months, I've heard from a number of people how great the sailing club is these days. The Badger Sloops are great! The instructors are great! The food is great! (uttered by a homeless person at a Friday social). The Techs are great! (that's actually true)

So just how great is it?

☉ The club is as xenophobic as ever. Still all white, still a feeding frenzy for paid positions (see screen capt), still slandering people as a way of asserting dominance. If you haven't heard any slander, it's because you don't rate the latest gossip, or maybe you didn't realize it was slander.

☉ We're treated like 5-year olds and ordered to wear our lifejackets. This is to teach us that it was very naughty of a Hoofer Sailing instructor to cause the drowning of a student in 2015. It's not that big a deal for us as instructors, but you feel for the general club members who have to share smelly old lifejackets every day.

☉ No more beer on the keelboats, not even with other consenting adults, some of whom are old enough to be your grandpa. All because a few drunkards took it too far and crossed the line. Well, and killed a couple of people.

☉ And (drumroll please)... The club's most experienced sailors managed to sink Sassafras a few weeks ago, one of the club's Tartan-10's (photo to right). Never checked the thru-hull fittings. Hence no surprise that the first storm that comes along sinks the boat, which may be a total loss due to water damage. We fragged Sassy's ass!

Hey Chicago, we need more keelboat donations again!

Hoofers' regular periodic conversion of keelboats into insurance money is so alarming that the original donor of Spray gave $5000 to the club so we wouldn't cash Spray in too! I think that's a first.

Overall, HSC is like a leg that has turned gangrene, then gets sprinkled with perfume and wrapped in a flowered sheet. Sorry, but that won't save the leg. One thing that's particularly nauseating to me personally is the mock seriousness at BOC meetings as young minds are schooled in the art of the steal.

Most of the old crowd is gone, but the ex-Advoosigator still lingers, attached to HSC like a 60-year old lamprey to a dying balleen whale, eager at the Youth program's return, and slandering those who done him wrong. He still likes to slip in a Mickey (figuratively speaking) with club leaders every once in awhile too, so watch out. A certain ex-commodore ambles by every so often in his button-down and baseball cap, seemingly lost. It's almost as if he doesn't recognize Hoofers anymore. Where's the beer? A few others from the good ol' days also resurface periodically.

There are some good people, of course, but they're trapped between the status (and cash) they enjoy as instructors or BOC and an urge to run screaming from this place. Most of the traditions are long gone. Mooning the Betty Lou horrified Union managers because it caused them to imagine dropping their own drawers, which would expose their tiny [CENSORED] and fat [CENSORED]. Since they never got a bid to join a frat and had to live in the dorms for four years (many years ago), they never learned how to have fun.

The good vibes are all gone, the whole renovation a farce. Thank you, Mr. Guthier, and Welcome To The New Hoofers! Where safety comes first, followed by sobriety, surveillance, and sycophancy.

And Shivjit. Apparently he is still doing keelboat lessons? OMG he is so clueless. He should have to re-certify his own skipper rating before being allowed to "teach" any more lessons.

Dangerous heat waves

Don't let the record high temperatures this week fool you. Lake Mendota is still very cold. Cold enough to kill you in 60 seconds unless you're wearing a wetsuit (or are 200 lbs overweight). The current water temp is 64°, but that's at the surface. The buoy is sitting out there in the sun all day. Ten feet down the water is still in the 40s, and shifting winds can bring that icy water to the surface.

A few years ago, lack of awareness of this combined with criminal negligence by a Hoofer Sailing instructor led to the death of a student after he jumped into cold water on a warm day. And that was in June. Cold water might also have been a factor in other drownings.

The air temperature in Madison varies wildly because it's a continental climate, i.e. not moderated by any large bodies of water. The only place in the US with more extreme temps from summer to winter is North Dakota (a horrid place if you've never been there). It's the opposite of someplace like Honolulu, where it's 80° every day and 70° every night, year round.

If you're out in a small boat and capsize, stay with your boat and try to get on top of it if you can. If you're on a keelboat, stay on board. Extra M.O.B. practice would be a good idea on all lessons.

--The HOI