Got balls?

Do you like to dance while sober? Do you often find yourself hanging out with underclassmen on Friday and Saturday nights? Are you looking for friends (and not finding any)? If so, then have we got an event for you...

It's the Hoofer Sailing Club's 2020 Snow Ball, this Friday Feb 7! If you never get invited to frat parties, and if you suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) or other emotional issues, then the Snow Ball is just what the doctor ordered.

There will be dancing, prancing, awkward moments, and free Kool-Aid®. There will also be lots of people who are better than you, and if you've got balls, you may be able to meet one of them. It's an opportunity to better yourself!

And did we mention: FREE of BEER!

Just don't forget to bring your balls. Beach balls, baseballs, or little glass balls (marbles). But whatever you do, don't be throwing hundreds of them (or ball bearings) out onto the dance floor!

Free antiviral masks will be handed out at the door (free with your paid registration fee).

And that's not all!! This Saturday is the Ski & Snowboard Club's RAIL JAM, which oddly enough isn't listed with the week's other events on the Union's website. If you enjoy frostbite and respond well to authority, this will be a lot of fun too.

NOTE: Events end promptly at 11:45 PM because freshman have to be back at their dorms by 12.

Butt-plug fails, Packers get raped

SANTA CLARA.—This evening in northern California, Packers QB Aaron Rodgers--commonly known as A-Rod--tossed two interceptions and fumbled away a snap, resulting in three turnovers that doomed the Packers (14-4) from the start. The 49ers (15-3), who dominated the Packers in November 37-8, led today's NFC championship game 27-0 at halftime, an insurmountable lead they would not relinquish en route to a 37-20 win. The 49ers had nearly 300 yards on the ground against the overmatched Packers' defense.

Green Bay tried to make a game of it in the second half, outscoring the 49ers 20-10, but it wasn't nearly enough. The 49ers went into a conservative, rushing offense and a prevent defense for the entire second half, and had the Packers really threatened, the 49ers could have turned it back on and scored 50.

After the game, A-Rod passed the blame around. "We sucked," said the self-centered QB, who is now 1-3 in championship games. If he didn't say that, he certainly thought it.

Why do we hate the Packers so? We don't. We only dislike their quarterback because he's a jerk. After being drafted by former GM Ted Thompson in 2005, and after "Tittie" subsequently ran Brett Favre out of town on a rail so that his boy Rodgers could take over at QB, thousands of Packers fans screamed for Favre's return. In 2008, A-full-of-rod had this to say about the town's lack of love for him as the new team leader:

"Fans need to get on board or keep their mouths shut."[REF2, REF3]

In other words, forget Favre and get on board the A*-train, heh. Most fans got in line, but for many, Rodgers' arrogance stuck in their craw. A certain degree of arrogance and ego might be required to succeed in the ultra-competitive NFL, and Rodgers certainly has that. Nevertheless, we stand by our prediction made four years ago that the Packers will never see another Super Bowl with Mr. Obnoxious at the helm. He's almost over the hill now. What's worse, it will be a long, long time after he retires before another Super Bowl-caliber quarterback comes to Green Bay. Think Lynn Dickey--for the next 40 years. Kansas City just made it back to the Super Bowl after a 50 year absence.

Another thing not to like: even when the Packers are winning, Rodgers doesn't look like he's having any fun! He frequently leaves the field after scoring drives looking as if, well, as if he's got something up his butt. Maybe that's the look of intense determination. After all, 15 years later, he is still trying to escape the shadow of Favre.

So what does this have to do with HSC or the UW? Badgers fans should be happy--with the Kansas City Chiefs and San Francisco 49ers in the big game, it will be an all-cardinal affair.

*A. n., shorthand slang. the anus.

Dux win

PASADENA.—In southern California this evening, the Oregon Ducks beat the Wisconsin Badgers 28-27 in the 2020 Rose Bowl.

The UW played well overall, but four turnovers were too much to overcome. Nor was the passing game as dynamic as it had been during regular season wins over Nebraska and Minnesota. Late in the 4th quarter, a third down pass from QB Jack Coan to wideout Cephus Quintez fell incomplete, sealing Wisconsin's fate.

Was Cephus distracted by flashbacks to his dirty soirée with two white women last year? Or perhaps he was still a bit rusty, having been suspended from football for the 2018 season as a result. We tried to catch up with him after the game to get his view on this, but we're in northern California and the game was in southern California, so that wasn't possible.

"I'm thinking the better team didn't [sic] win, but the scoreboard says otherwise," commented one of UW's announcers after the game. "They [the UW] probably deserved to win this game," added his comic foil. Yeah, except not.

So what does football have to do with Hoofer Sailing? Both are UW-Madison sports that seem to cultivate abusers among their ranks. Abusive individuals may also be drawn to sports-centric organizations like these where they can regularly make physical contact with others while not drawing too much attention to themselves.

Stay tuned for some breaking ice sailing news.

Born yesterday

Someone recently shared the comic at right on the HSC Facebook page (there's another HSC FB page that is a propaganda page controlled by club insiders, but that one's not linked here). Of course, comics are funny to the degree that they reflect reality, and this one certainly does. It seems it was drawn by someone with extensive experience in Hoofers. Interesting that she or she didn't sign it, afraid perhaps of what crooked club leaders might do.

You should be afraid.

Anyone who's been abused by club leaders, had their deposit illegally withheld, been subject to discrimination or unfair hiring practices knows how true-to-life this comic is.

Even if the artist didn't intend it to mock Hoofers, this might be the funniest comic ever created to the degree that it draws attention to the crooked nature of Hoofer Sailing. Certainly on par with the best of ours. :)

The fourth panel could equally show an ad for Hoofer sailing, the doors to the boathouse, or something like that.

IMPEACH THE COMMODORE!

NOV 24 UPDATE: Tough 37-8 loss for the meat Packers in San Francisco on Sunday night. The big question is: Who is management grooming to replace A-Rod at quarterback? As we've already predicted, the Pack will never make it back to the Super Bowl with him at QB, so they might as well trade him while they still can.

Not the current one necessarily, but former commodore Lukas Duddleston committed various abuses while in office, including inappropriate touching, according to at least one witness, and possible libel and slander. Now he has slipped into an opening at webmaster and still wields power and influence within the club.

When someone becomes commodore (or obtains any position of power & authority), their true nature is revealed. The good begin to help those around them, while the less scrupulous start abusing their new-found authority. Who saw Lukas's speech at the Tsong Marina inauguration? He sounded more like a politician than a grad student in M.E. Abusing the less powerful while simultaneously pandering to those above him, Lukas knows where his bread is buttered.

Other past commodores have also committed abuses, though in some cases they were not criminal acts--the commodore simply took advantage of the position and its inherent authority.

It would be in the club's interest to have a mechanism for investigating allegations against the commodore, and the ability to remove him/her if the allegations are supported. That means a procedure that won't expose honest individuals to retaliation. In theory, the club's constitution allows a recall, but that rule has never been tested and requires the participation of more general "club" members than have ever been together in the same room, making it a something of sham.

The Union can remove the commodore for various reasons (or no reason at all, just as the U.S. president can recall an ambassador at any time) and has done so in the past, although the Union doesn't like to get involved unless there's something in it for them. In fact, there is an official Wis. Union policy that covers the "Hoofer coup," as it has come to be known.

The policy reads: "He grabbed me from behind and slipped his hand down my..." Oh wait, that's from a complaint about something else. Here's the policy. It says "Dear Mom, I can't pretend to be straight any longer..." Oh wait, dang, that's from something else that I also found on the Hoofer computers. What the heck are people doing in here late at night? Okay, here's the policy. It says the Union can remove the commodore, or pretty much any other Hoofer employee, for any reason as long as it's not discriminatory. (If it is discriminatory, then they need to come up with an excuse that doesn't sound like discrimination.)

It's too late to remove Duddleston as commodore, but he can still be removed from the BOC. If anyone else witnessed inappropriate acts by him over the past year-plus, share the details here or on Facebook. Especially things like bad-mouthing people behind their backs that are easy for the commodore and other club leaders to perpetrate. Has Lukas dropped out of grad school yet? If not, that might be grounds to remove him--no one could possibly do an adequate job as webmaster while also working as a grad student in engineering.

The fact that the BOC must be led by students means in essence that club leaders will be inadequate for the job. This isn't the crayfish club, after all. It's the largest quasi-student-run "club" in Wisconsin.

NOTE: Lukas Duddleston is a current and former state employee and former presiding officer of the Hoofer Sailing Club, University of Wisconsin-Madison.

The End is near

OCT 31 UPDATE: It's lucky lift-out wasn't postponed another week. I seem to recall it being as late as Oct 31 in the past. Usually there is windsurfing and racing team practice until the end of October, even into November sometimes. Basically, right up until pier-out. The normal average high for October in Madison is 60°, with the normal high for today's date at 53, normal low 37. The high today was 32°, with 4" of snow falling over the past 24 hrs. This is well outside two standard deviations from the norm--near record-low temps. Monday night's storm blew away the old record for snowfall--not just for the date but for all of October, and today's more than doubled that. If you didn't already hate Wisconsin,... see map above.

As another sailing season winds down and school takes over again, we can't abandon the lakefront quite yet. The big boats still have to be cleaned, prep'd, derigged, and lifted out this Saturday Oct. 26, and then winterized for storage. Like a typical keelboat cruise, most of the work comes at the very end.

If you find that at all depressing, a lot about the club is depressing these days. The new piers, the federal-penitentiary-style concrete-block hallways, the blanket surveillance, the locked doors with controlled access, the total prohibition on beer aboard the big boats (wink, wink), the seething discrimination, etc. There were some good comments on a lot of this on a recent Facebook post.

And how about those two chairs from the old Hoofer lounge, now stuck in the hallway like some sort of half-assed museum pieces--with surveillance cameras directly overhead!

If it all has you teetering on the edge, you can get free mental health care at UHS if you're a student (others are outta luck). Please do get help before committing social faux pas like libel, slander, false police reports, inappropriate touching, and so on. These are all ongoing problems in Hoofer Sailing, especially with staff, but counseling may be all that is needed. Hey, at least no one is stealing outboard motors anymore! (Did they ever?) In a police state, theft generally isn't a problem, but things like libel and slander that are harder to spot persist and flourish.

If you choose to seek help, contrary to what you might assume you'll impress friends and colleagues alike with your strength and maturity. There's a 94% chance they'll think more highly of you for it^†.

As for the piers, I personally had more than one person tell me this summer that they didn't quite feel safe--wet, slippery, sloping surfaces bouncing up and down in the waves, with nothing to grab on to. In all fairness, they don't bounce as much as I thought they would, but the old piers were level and had posts every 15 feet or so (also great for tying up keelboats). Now all we have are cleats at toe level. Maybe over the long winter, someone can dig up stats on how many individuals went into the water unintentionally this summer...

†According to UHS promotional flyers.