Teach Sailing in 2010

Can you sail or windsurf? Are you popular and good looking? Can you handle your liquor? The Hoofer Sailing Club is searching for 20-25 new applicants to teach sailing in 2010. Part-time and full-time paid and volunteer positions are available. Applications (due February 18) can be printed off the club's official site or picked up at Memorial Union.

A typical day for a summer sailing instructor might include dragging yourself out of bed with a hangover at 8:45 a.m., racing to the Union, meeting with other hung-over instructors at 9 to put the motorboats in the water and discuss the on-the-water plan for your day, kicking back for awhile, grabbing lunch, taking a break to play on boats you'd like to sail, getting certified on those boats (there's nothing to it if you're an instructor), taking another break, and finally teaching one short 3-hour class for adults starting sometime in the afternoon. At sunset join a few fellow instructors for bar food or, more likely, head to someone else's house to get splashed again. Tuesday evenings at sunset are the weekly staff meetings followed by the official weekly instructor party*, but that doesn't stop us from getting wasted on other nights too! Best of all, it's always a private party--general club members aren't invited! Hoofer alumni often report that their time with Hoofers was one of the most enjoyable periods of their lives, though oddly, they often can't remember anyone's name.

+ Secret tips for getting hired![Show/Hide]

Here are our top 10 tricks for getting hired as a Hoofer sailing instructor. These have been picked up over the years and are passed along here just for you:

10. Show up for the interview drunk on your ass. They'll pretend that's not okay, but you'll find out otherwise.
9. Get a face transplant if you're not good looking.
8. Get breast implants if you think you need them.
7. Write smart-assed comments or draw little animations in the margins of the exam. Hoofer leaders don't care about sailing knowledge--they want party buddies who are fun!
6. Sand, patch, re-paint, and teak all 12 keelboats by yourself before the interview. If there's one thing Hoofer leaders like more than fun party buddies, it's people who will do the work for them.
5. Lie as necessary--references are never checked out.
4. Bring a liter bottle of Malibu to the interview. Better yet, bring a half-barrel of quality beer! Even though Union staff will quickly remove it, the act will resonate through the hiring committee and all but guarantee you the job.
3. Show up for the interview in your underwear--works regardless of gender.
2. Make sure it's your friends doing the hiring (accomplishing this is difficult if you're a new applicant). NOTE: do not combine with tip #3 above.
1. Let the Hoofer Advisor have his way with you prior to the completion of the instructor selection process!

Remember--you're not just applying for a job. You're joining a co-ed fraternity!

*Why does the club's official site say "an evening of fun social activity" instead of just being honest and saying "alcohol-drenched keggar"? Not once in the past 20 years has there been a Tuesday night "fun social activity" that didn't involve huge amounts of alcohol. In fact, few lessons are ever scheduled for Wednesday morning for that very reason.