Help Hoofers get your piece of the pie!

There's a general club meeting next Thursday (8/25) to discuss what Hoofers wants in the way of renovations. A long-time instructor had this to say:

We want.... um, we want more boats! We only have 13 keelboats now! Waaaah! And we want a new shop, and a new lounge. And some new chairs too! Waaaaahh! And a new Lakelab! There's so much money in this booming economy, we want it all! We don't like our old stuff anymore. Waaaaahh! Oh, and we want new computers too--we only have Pentium 4's! Whaaaaaahhh!! (wipes eyes) And did I mention new lifejackets..?

So come to the meeting and get your two cents in. That's about all you'll see personally from the $200,000,000.00 seg fee increase forced through by Director Mark Guthier and his cronies four years ago. But if we get enough people to show up, Hoofers might stand to gain, and that would be good for all the paid hacks around here who rely on Hoofers for a job.

Thank you.

In the shadow of death, new life

Last night a new commodore was elected, more or less by default since the only other real candidate was overseas and couldn't speak on his own behalf. As usual, there was some chaos and confusion leading up to the election, e.g . TITU said the election was at 8 pm, Hoofers was telling people 9 pm, and the chalkboard by the tunnel said 8:30pm--until they changed it to 9 (at around 8:30). The club's facebook site featured a great post announcing the 9pm election--at 8:42pm. Way to go, Michelle! Yes, there was an email too, but who reads their email?

Immediately before the election, an emergency BOC meeting took place to discuss revoking a club membership. The victim was Jack Thorneau (not his real name), who was accused of various rules violations, negative interactions, etc--the typical crap. Of course, obnoxious behaviour isn't allowed in HSC--unless you're a current employee. To help provide the proper creepy atmosphere, Union staffer Susan Dibbell was summoned along with her $88,620 annual salary.

AUG 6 update: In a laughable and kinda creepy move, the time of the post announcing the election has been changed to 6:12 pm on the club's facebook site, apparently to try to make it look like club officers are really on top of things. You can tell the post time was altered because it's the only one out of order. Yes, I am bored, but OMG!

Parallels in Nature

Just came across this article in Thursday's New York Times (citing a research report in Science). There are some uncanny parallels to Hoofers. What's most incredible is that UW administrators allow such unsupervised monkey-business.

So we all know who the "alpha males" are, as well as the lowest ranking males, but who would fill the role of beta male(s) in this paradigm..? They are apparently in the best position of all.

2011 Club Portrait

Here is this year's official Hoofer Sailing Club photo! NOTE: If it doesn't include you, that's because you're not in the club.

The real club, of course, consists exclusively of instructors (and a few B.O.C. members and ex-instructors, not pictured). After all, we control the boats, we give out ratings and take them away, we can sail whatever boats we like, we get all sorts of perks including free annual memberships, we have private weekly parties to which 90% of HSC "members" are not invited (but which are paid for by them), etc.

That 90%--the other 9 out of 10 Hoofer Sailing Club "members" like you--are really just paying customers. But hey, that doesn't mean you won't be admitted to the club eventually. Do what it takes and you've got a chance! Here are some suggestions that might help you crack the real membership:

1) Buy beer for current instructors as often as you can.
2) Keep joining Hoofers every year as a paying member.
3) Come to lots of meetings (you're not allowed at instructor meetings, though).
4) Say funny stuff at socials.
5) Be good looking.

That's about all there is to it! Sailing skills are NOT required. (In fact, sailing expertise can be counterproductive--you don't want to show up your current instructor, e.g. on a lesson, because s/he may not be a very good sailor.)

Just sit right back

with your wallet out...

The sailing club/Union have come up with a new scheme to try to raise cash to pay instructors: the Three Hour Dinner Cruise. Prices start at $24.50/person (which is at least $98 for a group of four)--and you bring the dinner. Make sure to bring enough for the skipper and crew too, or they might toss you overboard!

Check out the flyer here.

Are there so few club members who want to sail on the keelboats anymore that the club/Union have to lure unsuspecting members of the public..? I remember when we had Friday evening cruises on at least two or three keelboats every week. What's more, we would happily take anyone along--even if they weren't a club member. Not anymore. Now that the club has started paying kb instructors, it's cash on the barrel (and, in a sense, for the barrel...)

We recommend a picnic on picnic point instead. That will cost you nothing, and you won't have to bring lots of extra food for hungry Hoofers (who are also getting paid by the hour in addition to eating your food).

PIRATE'S DAY!

This Saturday... there will be m-a-y-h-e-m.

Come help us celebrate the lawlessness and abuse!

Get practice at hijacking and other terrorist acts!

Play bumper-boats and do things that would normally get you extra work hours (or worse).

Help glorify assault, rape, and other violent crimes!

Help us eat piggy!

It's Hoofer Sailing Club's Pirate's Day!

New this year: Our group photo for a big postcard to President Obama!*

Cost: $25 (not incl. extra work hours, fines, bail money, etc.)

*Just kidding--we don't want to be arrested by the FBI.