Hoofer Sailing Club: 2026

The annual Hoofer Sailing Club Commodore's Cup begins this week, and it kicked off with an AC/DC concert at Camp Randall on Sunday evening!

Are sailors into heavy metal? None that I know of, but AC/DC had some pretty great songs including School, Candy Everybody Wants, Games People Play, and Another Brick In the Wall. Oh wait, those tunes were actually by Supertramp, 10,000 Maniacs, The Alan Parsons Project, and Pink Floyd, but AC/DC probably had some good ones too. Coincidentally, those particular songs have something to say about the decaying educational and sociopolitical environment here at UW-Madison and the crooked, hypocritical administrators who are responsible.

In any event, C-Cup starts this Wednesday with team meetings and handouts about rules. We're not talking about rules for the silly games we'll play this week (most of which don't have any rules and don't even have anything to do with sailing) but rather behavioral rules. If you're accused of any behavior we don't like, you will be kicked out of Commodore's Cup, with no refund.

Dinner will be provided each evening by the Wisconsin Union cafeteria. (That's where most of your $55 sign-up fee goes.) Also, in addition to embarrassing games and a secretion-filled hot-tub, you'll have the opportunity to make better friends!* As in, better than your current friends..?

You see, we the Hoofer Sailing Club leaders and instructors are better than you and your friends, so you can improve yourself by coming and hanging out with us! Whaddya think of that? And it only costs $55! (Don't expect us to continue hanging out with you after C-Cup is over, though.)

Some might think that attitude is arrogant and obnoxious, but Hoofer Sailing leadership believes that your current friends are losers, which begs the question: why would you even want to meet arrogant a-holes like whoever did that flyer? In our experience, people who go around claiming to be "better" than others are usually just the opposite. (Note to BOC: Who did do the flyer this year, the marketing rep?)

Unlike some past years, this year's C-Cup is open to everyone!† Or so they say (see flyer). We'll find out if that's actually true in a few days.

The handful of individuals who aren't currently allowed to join HSC should sign up for C-Cup since it's officially "open to all" this year. Then when Hoofer Sailing refuses to let you participate and refuses to give you a refund, you can bring a class action lawsuit!

Post your experiences in the comments here.

*As a matter of policy, The Wisconsin Union and its sleazebag director, Mark Guthier, encourage Union employees--which includes all Hoofer Sailing instructors and some BOC members--to think of themselves as better than other people[LINK2]. Why? Who knows. Maybe Mr. Guthier is under-endowed and wasn't popular as a child, or it's the New Wisconsin Idea.

†Everyone except possibly a few people we don't like. You'll find out if you're on that list after you pay the $55.

In honor of the return of Pirate's Day and new contests such as Chokin' Your Chicken Commodore-Style or "How long can you ride the edge?", we're sharing the latest from an internal BOC email exchange, summarized here for general club members, a.k.a. customers. We'd also like to introduce the commodore, Max Bublik (see photo).

Following are the unofficial, i.e. awaiting final approval by the BOC, ground rules for the 2026 Season.

Hoofer Rules--Part I: Sexual Harassment

This topic is very much in the news these days. It seems like everyone is accusing everyone of it. Well, any such behavior is not condoned by Hoofer Sailing Club, even if it's not actually sexual harassment. We will determine whether it was or was not sexual harassment on a case-by-case basis. Meanwhile, here are some guidelines:

1. Women: If a man looks at you for more than a second, he's leering, and that's sexual harassment.
2. If you catch a guy looking at you more than once, that's definitely sexual harassment if not outright stalking.
3. If a man opens the door for you, it's sexual harassment. What are you, a cripple?
4. If a guy looks at your legs when you're wearing shorts or a swimsuit, he's leering, and that's definitely sexual harassment and should be reported.
5. If a man says "Hi" to you more than once, it's obvious sexual harassment.
6. If you see the same man more than once in a given 30 minute period, he is stalking you!
7. If a man is walking behind you, it's obvious stalking.
8. If a man says anything at all to you, he wants to get in your pants, and that's sexual harassment†.
9. If he grabs your botox or any other part of your body, that's sexual assault unless it was an instructor or club leader and it was done accidentally or while intoxicated.
10. If a woman says hi to you, it could be entrapment. Don't respond.

Men, attractive women are off-limits at Hoofers. Period. That is, she is off-limits to general club members and other customers, and epecially to individuals we don't like. It is even more likely to be considered sexual harassment if you say hi to a female who happens to be the girlfriend of a Hoofer leader or instructor, or the girlfriend of one of our drinking buddies, or someone one of us is interested in.

It's sexual harassment if we say it is, and your membership can and will be revoked, with no refund given. So to all general club members: watch yourselves. We are. So are the surveillance cameras (and the creepy Wisconsin Union guy who monitors them upstairs). Ladies, Hoofer Sailing instructors will help you keep an eye on general club members and their guests, and if we see anything that looks at all suspicious, we'll call the police for you. In the end, it is you who will have to make the report, but we'll get the ball rolling with some general accusations.

Men don't have the right to approach you if you're not interested. When that happens, which it obviously will since HSC is a social organization, we the Hoofer leadership fully condone embellishing your story in order to shoot down a guy you don't like. We've done it ourselves, more than once. It's not a lie to accuse someone of stalking because he might very well be stalking you a month from now! Better to nip these things in the bud.

Note that drunken instructor orgies where heavily intoxicated women float naked/unconscious in Dave's hot-tub (with a life jacket to keep them from drowning) does not constitute sexual harassment because she was there voluntarily. And NO, we did not use party drugs. Alcohol only!

Also note that Hoofer Sailing instructor parties are not open to general club members or other customers, or to some BOC members for that matter, or to a certain older sailboard instructor. But Ladies, you are always invited!

Instead of harassing women, the rest of you can do what the commodore does: gooning!

Please don't do it in the office or life jacket or sail storage or in the Lake Lab though, or if you must, please don't make a mess. This goes for current BOC members too (you know who you are).

Remember, Badger Eyes Are Everywhere. If you see something that looks like stalking or harassment, assume that it is.

Hoofer insurance - NEW!

This year, you have the option to purchase insurance that will cover any non-return of your membership fee, should you be accused of sexual harassment or any other violation and your membership is revoked. Note that if you are accused, there is no appeal and no opportunity for you to present "your side of the story." Any and all determinations will be made without your input, based on whatever the accuser tells us. HSC refund insurance is just $99 for the season!‡

* These rules do not apply to Hoofer Sailing instructors, BOC, or their buddies or to anyone designated by us.
† It is not stalking or harassment if an instructor talks to you on official HSC lessons or at any other time.
‡ On top of membership fees, "refundable" deposit, taxes, penalties, etc.
NOTE: We do not advocate breaking the law. This article simply describes how Hoofer employees operate.