Sunday, January 19, 2020

Butt-plug fails, Packers get raped

SANTA CLARA.—This evening in northern California, Packers QB Aaron Rodgers--commonly known as A-Rod--tossed two interceptions and fumbled away a snap, resulting in three turnovers that doomed the Packers (14-4) from the start. The 49ers (15-3), who dominated the Packers in November 37-8, led today's NFC championship game 27-0 at halftime, an insurmountable lead they would not relinquish en route to a 37-20 win. The 49ers had nearly 300 yards on the ground against the overmatched Packers' defense.

Green Bay tried to make a game of it in the second half, outscoring the 49ers 20-10, but it wasn't nearly enough. The 49ers went into a conservative, rushing offense and a prevent defense for the entire second half, and had the Packers really threatened, the 49ers could have turned it back on and scored 50.

After the game, A-Rod passed the blame around. "We sucked," said the self-centered QB, who is now 1-3 in championship games. If he didn't say that, he certainly thought it.

Why do we hate the Packers so? We don't. We only dislike their quarterback because he's a jerk. After being drafted by former GM Ted Thompson in 2005, and after "Tittie" subsequently ran Brett Favre out of town on a rail so that his boy Rodgers could take over at QB, thousands of Packers fans screamed for Favre's return. In 2008, A-full-of-rod had this to say about the town's lack of love for him as the new team leader:

"Fans need to get on board or keep their mouths shut."[REF2, REF3]

In other words, forget Favre and get on board the A*-train, heh. Most fans got in line, but for many, Rodgers' arrogance stuck in their craw. A certain degree of arrogance and ego might be required to succeed in the ultra-competitive NFL, and Rodgers certainly has that. Nevertheless, we stand by our prediction made four years ago that the Packers will never see another Super Bowl with Mr. Obnoxious at the helm. He's almost over the hill now. What's worse, it will be a long, long time after he retires before another Super Bowl-caliber quarterback comes to Green Bay. Think Lynn Dickey--for the next 40 years. Kansas City just made it back to the Super Bowl after a 50 year absence.

Another thing not to like: even when the Packers are winning, Rodgers doesn't look like he's having any fun! He frequently leaves the field after scoring drives looking as if, well, as if he's got something up his butt. Maybe that's the look of intense determination. After all, 15 years later, he is still trying to escape the shadow of Favre.

So what does this have to do with HSC or the UW? Badgers fans should be happy--with the Kansas City Chiefs and San Francisco 49ers in the big game, it will be an all-cardinal affair.

*A. n., shorthand slang. the anus.

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

Dux win

PASADENA.—In southern California this evening, the Oregon Ducks beat the Wisconsin Badgers 28-27 in the 2020 Rose Bowl.

The UW played well overall, but four turnovers were too much to overcome. Nor was the passing game as dynamic as it had been during regular season wins over Nebraska and Minnesota. Late in the 4th quarter, a third down pass from QB Jack Coan to wideout Cephus Quintez fell incomplete, sealing Wisconsin's fate.

Was Cephus distracted by flashbacks to his dirty soirée with two white women last year? Or perhaps he was still a bit rusty, having been suspended from football for the 2018 season as a result. We tried to catch up with him after the game to get his view on this, but we're in northern California and the game was in southern California, so that wasn't possible.

"I'm thinking the better team didn't [sic] win, but the scoreboard says otherwise," commented one of UW's announcers after the game. "They [the UW] probably deserved to win this game," added his comic foil. Yeah, except not.

So what does football have to do with Hoofer Sailing? Both are UW-Madison sports that seem to cultivate abusers among their ranks. Abusive individuals may also be drawn to sports-centric organizations like these where they can regularly make physical contact with others while not drawing too much attention to themselves.

Stay tuned for some breaking ice sailing news.