Kiddieland

Now that C-Cup is behind us, and a great one it was (except perhaps for Friday), we turn our attention to important things.

The photo at right shows Decoy during Commodore's Cup 2013. Note the elegant group on board--responsible, well-dressed men and women enjoying an evening cruise prior to the Commodore's Ball. Some appear to have a beer or cocktail in hand, yet there's no rowdiness, no stupor, no people stumbling overboard, no drownings, no disaster. And not one of them is wearing a lifejacket. That's because lifejackets are for babies. They simply are not necessary on Lake Mendota most of the time (not unless your skipper is incompetent). Alas, they are required by the Union's new rules. Why?

Now look at the other four photos, taken in 2018. Like some kind of adult day care-on-the-water for retards, every single person is wearing a lifejacket. This is despite clear skies and light wind. The crews are all awfully white too, but I digress.

Note also that no one has a drink in hand--despite an activity that would clearly be enhanced by a good buzz. This is because a single beer can cause you to become stupid and wander into traffic or fall off a boat. At least, that's what Dave Elsmo and Union management seem to think. Or are they trying to cover their asses for the drowning that occurred on their watch?

Drinking beer doesn't lead to drownings. What puts people at risk is HSC's favoritism-based practice (dating to Jim Rogers) of awarding J, O'Day, and keelboat ratings to popular individuals who aren't qualified for them. People like Michaela Rabas, for instance. Now, Dave Elsmo and Union management are trying to throw the blame by punishing us.

Think about what management is saying by disallowing any alcohol on the keelboats and by forcing everyone to wear a lifejacket at all times:

We're signing people off to skipper big boats they're not qualified to sail (much less teach on), so you'd better stay sober and wear your lifejacket if you want to live.


It is gross negligence of UW-Madison administrators to say that.

Three sheets to the wind!

JULY 17: We've added a pic of former two-timing commodore Mills Botham being carried around by his frat brothers (or pledges?). Boy are they gonna score some favors for that. There are plenty of former commodores here for the 40th Anniversary C-Cup, back (or still lingering) to enjoy their free lifetime membership. Hoofers is like high school--it's mainly about being popular and getting ahead at the expense of others.

ARE YOU AWARE that you and your friends suck? Well, fear not... you can make better friends in Hoofers, for just $40! (we didn't write that, the BOC did--see flyer at right.)

The 40th annual Drunkfest, a.k.a. Commodore's Cup, is coming up July 16-21. We'll have:

• Fine food such as hot dogs and Kool-Aid.
• The Sardine Race - abuse what's left of our Techs.
• Treasure Hunt - who can find the scow pier first!
• The NO Talent Show - self explanatory.
• Greased watermelon - try to grab your teammates by their greased bodies. No teeth, fingernails, or cavity searches please.
• Human Battleship - try to hit the boobs with the balloons.
• Poodle Jousting - bring your pet along and tie him to the forestay!
• And did we mention Kool-Aid and lemonade?!

Come party with recovering alcoholics, older singles, and Hoofer leaders. What we're wondering is: will people be required to wear their lifejackets in the sardine race..? That would cut down on the number of bodies you can cram into a Tech.

So sign up for C-Cup in the office! Team assignments will be random, with the cutest girls put on teams with the most desperate guys, e.g. club officers and keelboat instructors. (Do you believe that? You should.)

Note: NO ALCOHOL is allowed on any boats, but feel free to get jackhammered on shore before boarding.

Commodore's Cup is open to MOST PEOPLE†.

LGBT INDIVIDUALS AND RELIGIOUS GROUPS WELCOME!

†Except people we don't like, who will be harassed and prevented from participating (and we'll keep your registration fee too).

Transmorfing HSC

We kick off summer with a look at finances and instructor pay. A commenter noted on our previous post that the latest issue of On Wisconsin quotes Sailing "Program Manager" Dave Elsmo boasting that HSC sells more than 300 memberships a year. Three hundred? The club used to have 800-1000 members in a typical year. Elsmo added that, "the number of students involved at any given time is much higher than that." Sure it is--the club is giving away well over a hundred FREE membership every year, but membership is still way down from a few years ago.

Worse, the club is still paying people to teach sailing, as if teaching sailing were a job.

HSC instructors shouldn't be paid because there's no need for it, and hiring should be based primarily on prior evaluations, which would help to weed out the cronyism and nepotism that infects HSC. To facilitate this, all students should be required to fill out evaluations after every lesson. All first-year instructors would be probationary and evaluated as the season goes along because they won't have any prior evaluations. Unfortunately, this will never happen because the "club" as envisioned by Jim Rogers and now Dave Elsmo is a jobs program for buddies of current employees, with no accountability.

The same article goes on to quote new instructor Ed LeBlanc as saying, "The worst thing you can do is take a swim." Was Ed raised in a bubble, or is he trying to insult swimmers? On hot days, we used to capsize our Techs just to go swimming! Harvey didn't like that, of course, nor lowering the main to do it, but in a light wind you can go swimming off a Tech and just hold on to the painter. The larger boats including the sloops and keelboats are excellent swimming platforms. The water is much cleaner out in the middle of the lake than by shore.

An article in last summer's issue of On Wisconsin noted that the sailing team manages to squeak by on just $65,000/year. Sixty five thousand dollars?! So that a few undergraduates can travel around the country racing dinghies for fun? This includes an annual spring break "training trip" to Florida. We've noticed before how big their budget is. It should be slashed immediately.

One wonders where the increasing instruction costs combined with decreasing membership and all those large, frivolous budget items will lead. If nothing else, they create an incentive to rip off customers*.

We didn't actually go and dig out the latest budget due to lingering hangovers, but I think the club could save another $50,000 by firing Dave Elsmo.

Next time, we'll look at Hoofers' ASA instructors and why the ASA program sucks.

*Customer: a paying "club" member.

Mermaids

JUNE 12 UPDATE: We toned down the text which seemed to offend someone, or so they claimed, someone who evidently took this post too seriously, and we removed the image (but it's saved incase the FB post disappears). As for paid private lessons, they are indeed allowed, as one commenter has noted and contrary to what others are claiming. The rate is actually $35/hr, not $25 as someone suggested in a comment (see the Ground School manual link in one of the comments--Thanks). Of course not all of that goes to the instructor. The club skims most of it for "overhead" and the instructor gets his/her regular wage. As usual, a certain commenter(s) is the one with an apparent axe to grind, and our info was correct. And of course we are aware that at least two students are required for a regular lesson to take place, but that has no bearing on private/one-on-one lessons.

Hilarious public Facebook post here:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10108181353483917

Check out the Facebook link which includes inappropriate comments that were removed and comments with typos that suggest giddy excitement. Welcome to Hooters, er, Hoofers.

Although the club isn't advertized this way, people looking for a good time can join and skip the sailing. Better yet, save $250 and just come to the Friday socials. Or heck, just go out to the nearest bar. On the other hand, someone who really wants to learn to sail probably isn't going to do any better with private lessons because it's best to try out different instructors, although a beginner might not know that.

For the record, private lessons are allowed, but only for paid instructors. If you are an unpaid (volunteer) instructor, for some reason paid private lessons are not in your future.

As for general club members, giving a paid private lesson (or any lesson) could get you suspended from the club and/or charged with unlawfully captaining a boat. Why would anyone expect to get paid for teaching a lesson anyway? Because the objective of some people is not to contribute in a club environment but rather to enrich themselves (at your expense). This may be a 'club' by name, but underneath, it is a jobs program for unqualified friends of the commodore.

A graph of skyrocketing instructor pay over time is here.

NO CHARGES!

Breaking news on the Yu Chen tragedy is here:

http://host.madison.com/wsj/news/local/courts/no-charges-in-the-death-of-a-windsurfer-struck-by/article_0038f30a-d342-5485-942c-e74ea463aced.html"

Basically, the DA concluded that the boat's design was at fault. Short people driving a big powerboat are going to have difficulty seeing what's in front of them, so if they run something over, it's not their fault because short people can't be blamed for being short.

We're paraphrasing, but this is just typical for state employees. Unless you have a signed statement from them essentially admitting that they did something wrong, it is almost impossible to convict. It's always somebody else's fault.

The DA concluded: "the position of the seats on the boat could have obstructed their vision." According to the driver, he "had to shift and keep his head up to see his surroundings because of the design and arrangement of the boat." Sounds like he couldn't see over the bow and had to crane his neck and really pay attention to where the boat was going. That is asking a lot.

I've been on the UW rescue boat and visibility is fine. Of course, as you go faster, the bow tends to rise out of the water, affecting visibility in front. On a big power boat, the bow will generally point the highest just prior to planing, at around 15-18 mph.

More analysis after obtaining the sheriff's report.

Updated June 4

A long year later

It takes a year for the Earth to orbit the sun, a 580 million mile trip at 65,000 mph. That's 365 days, or 2,100 work hours for a single person. In four years of college, you only spend 1,900 hrs in class! Thus one person should be able to get a heck of a lot done in a year.

May 31 marks one full year since the Yu Chen tragedy. We hate to dwell on this incident, but at the same time, the death of a Hoofer Sailing instructor on the water--and especially the manner in which it occurred--overshadows other news. Let's also not forget the drowning off the O'Day in 2015. If you want the latest on socials, squirt guns, ice cream, etc, visit the club's official website (where you won't find anything on Yu Chen--shame).

A year later, the DA is still sitting on his hands with a thumb up his you-know-what instead of making a decision on whether to bring charges against the motorboat driver(s). Consider: if it wasn't their fault--if Chen did some stupid maneuver and landed himself smack in front of the motorboat--the report surely would have been released by now because it would clear the UW Rescue staff of wrongdoing. Thus it seems likely at this point that there will be charges.

If I were the family's attorney, I'd be getting mighty worried about crucial investigative records mysteriously disappearing. How do you even know what records existed a year ago..? The UW has produced its own report on the tragedy--which they too are refusing to release. Why? Did they have access to the sheriff's data while creating their report? One has to wonder if the UW is putting pressure on the DA not to bring charges because a criminal conviction would make for a much stronger civil suit, which they know is coming. By delaying a decision, the authorities are making it into an ever-bigger story.

Meanwhile, someone had a great idea to paint an old Tech sail and sail it around the lakefront on Thurs May 31 and/or Friday June 1 (it could be done on other days too). This would help to draw attention to the situation, especially if somebody calls the local news ahead of time. Hopefully someone is following through on organizing that because our specialty here is criticizing, not organizing.