Sailor's nightmare

Hoofers has gotten pretty boring lately, so here's some non-Hoofer news for those who might have missed it. The photo shows two waterspouts that appeared over Lake Michigan on Thursday afternoon (photo taken by harbor police in Kenosha). Story and more photos can be found here.

Harbor police... why, that sounds a lot like Hoofers now.

What $20 million buys you

The new Hoofer area is now open! Well, some of it is, though much is still undergoing final touch-up. It looks like the friendly confines of the old Hoofers have been replaced by a xenophobic maze of locked doors and security cameras--a "Hoofers for the 21st century". The photo montage shows some interior views superimposed on a shot of the outdoor facade.

A quick tour reveals a labyrinth of halls and closed doorways. Surveillance cameras dot the ceiling (there are five in the front office alone--has someone been pocketing the cash?!), and electronic locks secure most doors. They've gotcha coming and going now. One-way glass lets people inside keep an eye on people outside while all the latter see is their own reflection. Our latest info is that the new Hoofer area, when complete, will sport 50 (fifty) surveillance cameras. OMG. Who's on first?

Diagnosing the infection

In honor of the traditional Annual Instructor Party, and in honor of our previous post below explaining how we are better than you, and in honor of Tom Barry who invented the funky monkey award, we're sharing our favorite page from the HSC Instructor Manual (at right). This is a secret document not available to general club members. Instructors are actually warned not to show it to non-instructors. Why?

Because it tells about some of the secret parties, trips, and other goodies that only instructors get to enjoy (at your expense). We're even discouraged from inviting our boyfriends/girlfriends and BOC members. It's only for HSC instructors. All 60-80 of us.

I like how it says sailing seasons are measured by how good the instructor parties are! (weekly parties that aren't even open to 90% of club members). Not by how many ratings were given out, or how few injuries there were, or how many keelboats were donated, or anything like that. But by how good the private parties were.

I especially like Jim Rogers' comment about the ANNUAL PARTY (again, only for instructors), otherwise known as Instructor Weekend Off:

"If the club disintegrates without us, who cares?"

That's a non-sequitor, Jim. The instructors are the club! Duh. Everybody else are just paying customers.

NOTE: Dave Elsmo (or maybe Borko) removed that rather obnoxious line from the newer manuals, but nothing has actually changed.

MAKE BETTER FRIENDS!

Commodore's Cup 2013

July 12-20. This year's theme: SAFE DEMOLITION.

Come help us wreck expensive Hoofer boats! Actually they weren't expensive because we didn't pay for them. (You the general club members did We are the Hoofer leaders who sail the big boats.) Anyway, there will be lots of fun at this year's C-Cup:

• drunken partees every night
• alcohol on land at all times
• drinking after dark
• hangovers (like in the movie)
• secret mix courtesy of Capt. J!
• Drunken dancing
• Riotous acts that would be illegal anyplace else!

Need more reasons to participate? Your current friends suck. If you pay the modest C-Cup fee of just $60 ($70 for non-members), you'll meet better friends, like us! (I forget, who's idea was that slogan..?)

NOTE: FIRST TEAM MEETING IS TODAY, JUL 10

Straining to get it done

Q: What smells like fresh dog poop?

A: Hoofers!

At least if you're downwind from one of these portapotties, it does. You are probably smelling the fresh turd of a "shop" employee (or maybe some street person who snuck in late last night), but seriously, who would even step into one of those hot smelly boxes..? I'd go off the end of the pier before doing that, especially on a hot summer day like today. And yet, there is no denying the overripe smell wafting out of those green and blue pottyboxes.

NOTE: I am not suggesting that anyone use the end of a pier as a toilet. That would probably violate dozens of laws and would incur the full wrath of UW police upon you (even though it is perfectly legal for fish and ducks to use the lake as a toilet).

Clubbievent: KB Picnic

After a surprise early lift-in, sailing season is upon us, and here we have the season's first big sailing event.

Wanna meet other middle aged men? Or a hot young thing? Then join with us for a picnic-on-the-water this Sunday Jun 9. We'll be rafting the boats between picnic point and second point starting at 4pm. If you just got off a plane and don't know where picnic point is, GPS coordinates are here along with further details.

However, don't bother bringing your swimsuit. We'll be calling this "Little Alcatraz" because the water is still so cold. But do bring some food or drink to share, or we might just give you a dunking.

See ya on the water this Sunday!