Wis. Union Director revealed to be interdimensional demon

Union Director Mark Guthier was caught recently by his own surveillance cameras, resulting in the photo at right, obtained earlier today by our operatives. Apparently, the spacing of the cameras throughout the building inadvertently created a Higgs boson induction array, revealing Guthier's true biology.

Other Union staff including Jim Rogers, the security guards, and other individuals who have committed criminal acts or engaged in suspicious activity are now presumed to be interdimensional demons too, possibly minions of Guthier.

But does this really come as any surprise, considering the harm Guthier has wrought on students and other Union members since becoming director in 2001? Among other things, he forced a $200 million fee increase on legions of future students to provide himself with an enormous and unprecedented discretionary budget. We wonder what on Earth he could need so much money for. Perhaps to try to build a portal back to his own dimension..? Or worse, to abduct humans into it? One can only imagine what evil he is up to.

BREAKING NEWS: Jim Rogers removed!

Details are still sketchy, but the Wis. Union's Human Resources office has confirmed that Hoofer Advoosigator Jim Rogers is being "reassigned" to another position at the union. According to Human Resources, from now on Jim will have nothing to do with Hoofers anymore.

He is being removed from Hoofers apparently as a result of serious policy violations and/or violations of law. Jim has until Friday to clear out his desk in the upper office.

Bon voyage, buddy!

Sept 28 update: As most everyone is aware by now, Jim Rogers' removal is official. He is now an "adviser" in WUD. And don't believe it when he says he wanted to leave Hoofers. He was forced to accept reassignment.

Paid to Party

Would have posted this sooner but wanted to include visual aids. At right is a graph showing the sharp drop in sailing lessons during 2010's "Instructor weekend off," which took place last weekend (Aug 20-22). This is an annual "HSC" "event" which is only open to instructors (and their friends, lovers, sex partners, would-be sex partners, toy providers, etc). General club members are not invited or allowed to come along even though (or because?) they make up 90% of the club.

The stated purpose of Instructor Weekend Off is to "get away" from all those annoying general club members, i.e. the ones who pay to take lessons. Former Head of Instruction Jim Rogers put it this way: "The club may disintegrate without us, but we'll only be gone for a few days."

The private event helps to facilitate "bonding" among sailing instructors--who are better, harder-working people than all those annoying general club members--and to let the instruction staff have a big party weekend at general club members' expense. It's a reward for doing all that "work" teaching lessons (as if teaching sailing is actual work), organizing Commodore's Cup, and so on. Except, instructors are already getting paid by the hour and the commodore gets paid a stipend.

The sad fact is, when you join the Hoofer sailing "club" as a paying member, club leaders are mainly after your money which will help make life more fun for them. There are many other instructor-and-BOC-only events during the season, including weekly instructor-only parties every Tuesday night (not open to general club members... sorry.) Yet, those sailing instructors weren't "hired" because they were qualified; they got hired because their party buddies were on the hiring committee.

The problem with a few club members (e.g. instructors and BOC) having fun at everyobody else's expense is that it is anathema to a true, egalitarian club. Exclusiveness is malignancy in a social organization like Hoofers.

Blowin' and suckin'

Well, it's official: UW-Madison now sucks. UW didn't even crack the top 100 best colleges in Forbes/U.S. News' new 2010 report. The question is: why..?

Here's what we think: Since sometime in the 1990s, the UW has been run by crooks who are more interested in their own status and authority than they are in the welfare of students (or Wisconsinites in general). The rot starts right at the top with former chancellor John Wiley and new incompetent Carolyn Martin. Some of all that fat must have gotten into her brain. Continuing down the hierarchy, at least three of the six or so vice chancellors are incompetents or crooks, the Wis. Union Director is a felon, half of his staff are criminals, and Hoofers is run by.... you guessed it, cunning little crooks. (well, not all little....)

Don't be confused by the term "college" in the Forbes report--it includes all American colleges and universities. Michigan, Virginia, North Carolina, Berkeley--they're listed, and they are big state universities like UW-Madison. Indeed, the UW used to be great, but a decade or so ago, the creeps in charge decided to emphasize football (and general stupidity) instead of academics. Thanks, Mr. Wiley! They're also fond of fundraising that elevates their status while contributing nothing to the UW. For example, tearing down perfectly good buildings to replace them with newer ones. Wiley's grand vision was a campus like Purdue's, where every single building is red brick, and nice, wide pedestrian walkways--blanketed by surveillance cameras, of course (caution: that link is to a UW propaganda page). The WUFUCYOU seg fee scam was a big part of that plan. It didn't pass at first (of course), so Union management kept forcing re-votes until it did! Can you spell s-l-e-a-z-y c-r-o-o-k-s?

Signs of the decline are everywhere on campus, including Memorial Union--but not for the reasons promoted by the sleazy Union director. Next time you're at the Union, look around. Today, instead of swirling pot smoke in the Ratcellar and women breast-feeding their babies on the Terrace (common sights in the 1980s), you'll see security guards patrolling under a canopy of surveillance cameras.

What's amazing is that UW ever was a top school. But hey, at least it's still a great party school! (as in, lots of alcohol.)

(check back tomorrow for more links and references.)

Too drunk to count?

The election results are in! Our new commodore is Margaux, with a whopping 64% of the vote! That was really easy to calculate because she got 64 votes and a total of 100 votes were cast. apparently. Preliminary numbers:

Margie 64 Justin 26 Dan 10

But wait... photos taken at the election show that only about 45 people were present! Were the officials too drunk to count? Those guys in the second row look pretty hammered (what's that guy in the maroon shirt doing--getting ready to heave into his cup?) Or was it simply business as usual?

We think the latter.

Let's see if management don't alter those numbers downward to better reflect the number of people who were actually there...

Meet the candidates!

It's August already, meaning it is time once again for the annual Commodore election!! The election will be Wednesday evening at 8PM (check TITU).

The commodore election is crucial--the lucky winner receives money, adulation, friends (at least for a year), ratings, and the power to put it to whoever s/he doesn't like! To help you make the right choice, here's a brief summary of each candidate's platform:

Justin Cherniak - "More money for me and other paid staff!"

Dan Burkhart - "Cheaper (and better) beer for socials!"

Margaux Stutz - "I really want to be commodore!"

Try not to throw up at the election.