Following are the unofficial, i.e. awaiting final approval by the BOC, ground rules for the 2026 Season.
Hoofer Rules--Part I: Sexual Harassment
This topic is very much in the news these days. It seems like everyone is accusing everyone of it. Well, any such behavior is not condoned by Hoofer Sailing Club, even if it's not actually sexual harassment. We will determine whether it was or was not sexual harassment on a case-by-case basis. Meanwhile, here are some guidelines:
1. Women: If a man looks at you for more than a second, he's leering, and that's sexual harassment.
2. If you catch a guy looking at you more than once, that's definitely sexual harassment if not outright stalking.
3. If a man opens the door for you, it's sexual harassment. What are you, a cripple?
4. If a guy looks at your legs when you're wearing shorts or a swimsuit, he's leering, and that's definitely sexual harassment and should be reported.
5. If a man says "Hi" to you more than once, it's obvious sexual harassment.
6. If you see the same man more than once in a given 30 minute period, he is stalking you!
7. If a man is walking behind you, it's obvious stalking.
8. If a man says anything at all to you, he wants to get in your pants, and that's sexual harassment†.
9. If he grabs your botox or any other part of your body, that's sexual assault unless it was an instructor or club leader and it was done accidentally or while intoxicated.
10. If a woman says hi to you, it could be entrapment. Don't respond.
Men, attractive women are off-limits at Hoofers. Period. That is, she is off-limits to general club members and other customers, and epecially to individuals we don't like. It is even more likely to be considered sexual harassment if you say hi to a female who happens to be the girlfriend of a Hoofer leader or instructor, or the girlfriend of one of our drinking buddies, or someone one of us is interested in.
It's sexual harassment if we say it is, and your membership can and will be revoked, with no refund given. So to all general club members: watch yourselves. We are. So are the surveillance cameras (and the creepy Wisconsin Union guy who monitors them upstairs). Ladies, Hoofer Sailing instructors will help you keep an eye on general club members and their guests, and if we see anything that looks at all suspicious, we'll call the police for you. In the end, it is you who will have to make the report, but we'll get the ball rolling with some general accusations.
Men don't have the right to approach you if you're not interested. When that happens, which it obviously will since HSC is a social organization, we the Hoofer leadership fully condone embellishing your story in order to shoot down a guy you don't like. We've done it ourselves, more than once. It's not a lie to accuse someone of stalking because he might very well be stalking you a month from now! Better to nip these things in the bud.
Note that drunken instructor orgies where heavily intoxicated women float naked/unconscious in Dave's hot-tub (with a life jacket to keep them from drowning) does not constitute sexual harassment because she was there voluntarily. And NO, we did not use party drugs. Alcohol only!
Also note that Hoofer Sailing instructor parties are not open to general club members or other customers, or to some BOC members for that matter, or to a certain older sailboard instructor. But Ladies, you are always invited!
Instead of harassing women, the rest of you can do what the commodore does: gooning!
Please don't do it in the office or life jacket or sail storage or in the Lake Lab though, or if you must, please don't make a mess. This goes for current BOC members too (you know who you are).
Remember, Badger Eyes Are Everywhere. If you see something that looks like stalking or harassment, assume that it is.
Hoofer insurance - NEW!
This year, you have the option to purchase insurance that will cover any non-return of your membership fee, should you be accused of sexual harassment or any other violation and your membership is revoked. Note that if you are accused, there is no appeal and no opportunity for you to present "your side of the story." Any and all determinations will be made without your input, based on whatever the accuser tells us. HSC refund insurance is just $99 for the season!‡
* These rules do not apply to Hoofer Sailing instructors, BOC, or their buddies or to anyone designated by us.
† It is not stalking or harassment if an instructor talks to you on official HSC lessons or at any other time.
‡ On top of membership fees, "refundable" deposit, taxes, penalties, etc.
NOTE: We do not advocate breaking the law. This article simply describes how Hoofer employees operate.
