Warning: some people you might not want to see half-naked are pictured with their shirts off. This is offset to a small degree by a few you'd like to see wearing even less....
You think we're joking about how super-cool HSC instructors are? The theme of this year's C-Cup is (again): We are better than you. That is, HSC instructors are better than you, because you suck. That's not me talking—it's the official Hoofer position, and it's even on some of the flyers.
For more on why HSC instructors are cooler than you, why it's great to be an instructor (if you can manage to get "hired"*), the numerous instructor perks, the club's cash flow, crimes that are being committed, and how it all works, check out some of our older posts.
Note that instructor swimsuit calendars are an instructor perk and are not available to general club members, so please don't share it with them. Unless they buy you a pitcher or two.
*HSC instructor hiring requirements: You must be good looking, super cool, and/or friends with the hiring committee members. Sailing and teaching experience not required.
After cookies and lemonade, the spirited teams left promptly each night so they could get up early the next day for their good works about town. Reading to the sightless, visiting the elderly, Habitat for Humanity, etc.
ReplyDeleteSaid a longtime Hoofer, 'I had no idea that there was so much life to live and give without a hangover!"
The Wisconsin Union is sponsoring a 12 Steps chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous that will meet under the awning. Coffee in styrofoam cups and cookies served. In a few years they will look back and realize that they owe a debt of gratitude to the Wisconsin Union.
ReplyDeleteFreed from the daily despair of needing alcohol at hand 24x7, good things will happen now.
Sometime love is tough. Feel the love.
Oh you sour Puss. Alcohol is just banned "officially" You really think we're not sneaking it in? Don't look too closely at Lou Reed's boat ;)
ReplyDeleteNow, about the dress code......burkinis? And after that?
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone else think that the remodeling of the Union brought this change? For years Hoofers occupied the least desirable, jammed off in a far corner, out of sight and out of mind part of the compound. But when they built the big glass viewing cage with veranda that looks down on the...on the...oh my god, those people are having fun! Wait? Is that a can of beer? Call the ruling, Evangelical elites!
ReplyDeleteIn the mean time, all of those who were oh so conservative and supportive of the oppressive regime in Wisconsin, got the heck out of Dodge when they began to experience the dystopia that they had wrought. Those left behind soak in the alcohol-free Hot Tub Time Machine rushing backwards into Prohibition Era and economic depression.
Ya mean back when sailors weren't scared to ask for help? Before we started killing people?
ReplyDeleteThe public perception of the sailing club as one long binge drunk from May to October combined with the death of a passenger sealed the deal. No one wants to see a repeat of that.
ReplyDeleteThe Union is just trying to prevent further lives from being unnecessarily lost. Insurance plays a factor as well. No insurance, no more sailboats. Given a choice, I'd rather keep on sailing wearing a lifejacket and the fermented beverages can wait till shore.
75 years of no prohibition and no deaths. 1st year of prohibition, first death. How many more need to die? You'll never end drinking on the lake. You'll only stop people who need help from asking because they are scared of getting into trouble.
ReplyDeleteLook, if the goal is cheaper insurance at the cost of lives, then keep it banned. After all it wasn't allowed. If the goal is saving lives, teach how to drink and sail responsibly, like we always have.
ReplyDelete@Brian B: Nice use of basic statistics. In effect, whoever created the no-alcohol policy two years ago caused that guy's death. That would be some UW committee, supported by their union enforcers, and it's certain none of them will take responsibility.
ReplyDeleteThey erroneously thought that slamming pitchers on the terrace before going out sailing would be better than going out sober and taking a few beers along.
Well, I'm off to get some more cookies and kool-aid, unless they've banned sugar too.
#CookiesLivesMatter :( that post is offensive.
ReplyDeleteThe "75 years and no deaths" theory fails because the kein-alkohol policy started in 2014, and the death off the O'day wasn't until 2015. Maybe some other change instituted in 2015 was the cause? Let's see, the "new" Hoofers was opened in late 2013, Dave Elsmo was hired circa 2010, so it wasn't either of those. When did Michaela Rabas get her O'day rating?
ReplyDeleteThe prohibition on bier might have contributed, but it's not the clear cut cause and effect you imply.
How is C-Cup going this year? Still as much fun as ever or do people feel like they are all under the microscope? Be a shame if that was the case :(
ReplyDeleteEh, it was started in 2014, but phased in and finally given teeth in 15. It's the teeth that people are scared of.
ReplyDeleteJebus effin' cripes if nothing else penetrates the booze-besotted gray mush inside your skulls, remember this, a man died. He had family and friends who still mourn for him. Show some goddamn respect to him at least and don't use his death to make moronic arguments about how you should have your cheap drinky-drank back. This is why the Union is going hardline on drinking, because y'all act like a bunch of entitled, alcoholic brats. Clearly you don't even respect them enough to follow their rules on the prime lakefront property that they provide and maintain to the club FOR FREE, and gotta sneak in alcohol because it's the only way you know how to have fun, it's only way to get other people to put up with your shitty personality, or for breakfast to avoid the DTs, or whatever.
ReplyDeleteFact: Hoofers has a sterling safety record only if your Korsakoff's syndrome is acting up and you don't remember anything before Wednesday. (So you wouldn't remember the multiple youth head injuries in one day earlier this week.) The club had drownings before, they were just swept under the rug. It also has a rap sheet a mile long of smashed-up boats, disabling head injuries, expensive worker's comp claims, sexual assaults, pier collapses and too many close calls to count. Hell, I know people who had to take months off of sailing because of back and/or leg injuries they got from just trying to board those broke-down, ratty-ass motorboats!
You wanna know what factors led to the drowning last year? Sober up and read the sheriff's report, it's all in there. The guy drowned trying to get back to the boat which was too far away even though he had just jumped off of it. Obvious conclusion: The boat was still moving pretty fast. We know for a fact that the boat was still moving because the skipper said she was hove-to, and that's exactly what you expect a hove-to boat to do, i.e. keep moving faster than a person can swim.
Correction, it's what you expect the boat to do if you're a good sailor. Hoofers on the other hand like to claim that you heave-to if you want to "stop the boat." They haven't actually ever tried it to see what the boat actually does, because getting a rating on the O'Day is as easy as falling down after too many appletinis, especially if you're a comely young lass who likes to wear minimal clothing at instructor parties. Hell, you don't even have to be a hot girl if you can find another instructor to swap quid pro quo ratings with over beer.
So if you wanna assign blame, look at the club first. It's way more likely that young man was the victim of notoriously low ratings standards. They've been watered down for years now by guys like Cherniak who was too lazy to actually practice sailing, so he went to the BOC to get the ratings criteria slashed, or by the Moron who got them changed for him by taking his drinking buddy, the sailing program manager, out for booze cruises on his boat.
Maybe take some responsibility and admit the safety issues and the Union might start to respect your opinions more. But no, as I said, y'all act like entitled alcoholic brats.
Yeah, i'm not reading all of that. Is there a readers digest version available?
ReplyDeleteReader's digest version: Hoofer Sailing Club = spoiled alcoholic children. Or are those words still too many syllables?
ReplyDeleteWasshaa sillububble? Izz dat sumtin' like 4 Loco? Lesh get a case and take big boat for sail-in. Lesh me slap my brew belly and make room for 4 Loco. We'll go heave-to or heave-ho or heave my pizza beer filled bilge on da pier. Big ole chunkzzz for the duckzzz. (Giggle) I am feedin' duh ducks - hahaha. I be rebel without a couzee for my beer. (Burpppppp). Hey who am I sailin wit to da ball? Uh-oh, Uh-Oh! (Wretch, splash, aroma wafting in hot sun.
ReplyDeleteI need a braaahhht. Who wantz to git a braaaahhht wit me? I'll be back in a few and we go sail-in, good ting I'm skipp-ah 'cuz I only had a couplah brewsters.
The Commodores Cup teams used their new found sobriety for a food drive. Now isn't it a good feeling to help others? And all thanks to the Wisconsin Union for inspiring a new kind of 'high' to the club. Not the kind you get from sitting in a child's wading pool on a dock while nodding off at 3 pm in the hot sun with empty beer cans floating in your arm pits, but the good kind of high that you get from helping the less fortunate.
ReplyDeleteI think it is commendable that the team organized a food drive. This leads to the correct perception of who we are at the club, a group of fun people who do care about others. It's not what you say, it's what you do. Good job, I'm proud of all you!
ReplyDeleteDunno. I always got the impression that it was a fun group rampaging from the half barrel to the hot tub, and that they cared about others too, there just wasn't space in the tub for everybody. I tell ya, it was great fun, what I remember of it.
ReplyDeleteA food drive is just the sort of lame thing the Union would approve of. It's what people who don't want to go out of their way to actually help the poor do--give em some old canned asparagus and expired cheerios. Well, those Cheerios need milk, which costs more than the cheerios. Poor can get food stamps anyway. Better to have an alcohol drive for them, but of course none of that would ever make it off the premises.
ReplyDelete