Hoofer Sailing Club

Perverts among us

2012-02-13T22:15:00.000-08:00

Incase anyone hasn't seen this yet, former UW-Madison Associate Athletic Director John Chadima has been accused of sexually assaulting several young men in recent months in his capacity as above. That is, he apparently used his position to intimidate or coerce boys into, er, submitting to his, er, whatever. Argh. I can hardly typt this it's so disgusting. He is now the former associate director because he resigned as soon as he was accused, as much as admitting to his wrongdoing.

Didn't I suggest someplace recently that the sexual abuse going on at Penn State was likely ubiquitous, i.e. not confined to Penn State..?

Which leads us to Hoofers. Anyone having any information on assaults or other harassing or abusive behaviour by HSC leaders, advisors, or ex-advisors is encouraged to post your experience here. However, if you do so, don't do it anonymously. Do it using a google login or your post will likely be removed. Such behaviour by Hoofers leaders is not unheard of.

You could also report it to UW police, but they are mostly abusive perverts too, so reporting abuse to them is like telling the fox that the lynx is in the henhouse, er, roosterhouse. Whatever.

The detailed story can be found here.

Hoofers=End of Days

2012-01-18T13:10:00.000-08:00

For anyone who missed it, last week's Isthmus predicts the end of the world--including Hoofers--as we know it, with comics illustrating the twelve signs of the apocalypse.

However, their cartoon on Hoofers doesn't really make sense. Are they suggesting that you have to be a student to buy beer at the Terrace..? Not so. Anyone including professors and UW staff can buy beer (members of the general public can get a day pass). And does the cartoon suggest that drunken Hoofers are actually timid babies that would put away their weapons and go home just because some dickless Union staffer asked them to? Everyone around the Union and Hoofers who isn't employed there does live in constant fear of breaking the rules, so many Hoofer "pirates" probably would drop what they're doing if a building manager demanded to see their IDs.

The comic is realistic in that many HSC members are not current students (not that they have to be), and the Union is already run by crooked old white boys (and young boys) who will harass anyone they don't like.

All naturally confusing to anyone encountering Hoofers or the Union for the first time. Fortunately, that will all end in 2012....

Things at the Union

2012-01-01T21:06:00.000-08:00

Here's something to cheer you up this New Year!

Right now it's the low point of the offseason. (Ice sailing, anyone..?) Beginning in a few months however, the renovation is likely to start causing major disruption around Hoofers, in 2012 and beyond. Otherwise, things are as normal as they can be at the Union.

Irreconcilable differences

2011-12-11T13:44:00.000-08:00

The Nov 30 BOC meeting minutes have yet to be posted (as do many older minutes), so here's the jist.

Decoy, the club's largest boat, is going to be sold. That's the plan, anyway. Say what? You never heard of Decoy..? that's because it's never actually at the pier, or only rarely. It's draft is too deep, so it normally runs aground before it ever reaches the pier.

Why does Hoofers have this boat, you may ask? Because some dumbarses wanted it, so they talked some other dumbarses (on the BOC) into accepting it three years ago. But it's absurdly big for Lake Mendota, and there's nothing you can learn on it that you can't learn on Soma. So unless someone quickly paints Decoy like a cow, it'll be gone by next summer (hopefully).

Some people are pushing for the club to keep it, but, hmm, they all seem to be people with skipper ratings on Decoy.

Also in the minutes: "The J Fleet is taking too much abuse" because "J ratings are too easy to obtain". Didja just now figger that out fellas? Now that you all have your skipper ratings..?

Btw, we're posting this because we doubt if the real minutes (if they ever show up) will include it.

That is all.

Inappropriate kickoff

2011-11-14T17:47:00.000-08:00

This Wednesday at 8 PM is the club's Winter Kickoff! Learn how to snow-kite! Snow-kiting is an extreme sport in which you slice across the frozen lake at motorboat speeds on a dangerous little contraption propelled by a kite. If you enjoy frostbite and/or have systemic nerve damage, you will love snow-kiting.

Also this week: This evening (Monday) and Wednesday evening, you can learn how to pleasure yourself (see copy of flyer at right). This event is intended primarily for, um, maybe for people who didn't have any close friends when they were in their early teens..? Another great offering from the folks at the Wisconsin Union! Check TITU for rooms and times.

On the rocks!

2011-09-30T18:02:00.000-07:00

Oct 20 UPDATE: As a result of being left on the concrete steps for a whole day, the J-24 is totaled, so the club is filing an insurance claim on it to help balance the books. Note to commodore: whenever you need cash, just go out to a mooring on a stormy night, set a keelboat free, and in a few months if you're lucky you'll have another $10-25K in insurance money! (Just kidding. We know you'd never do that.)

It's everyone's worst nightmare: putting one of the keelboats onto the rocks. Well, last night's 40+ mph wind gusts did just that, and an odd sight greeted visitors to the lakefront this morning (see photo). Incredibly, the J24 is still sitting there, bouncing on the concrete steps, 12 hours later at sunset!

Here's a crutch for J-boaters on "HOW TO TIE A BOWLINE":

The gopher comes out of his hole, runs around the tree, meets the squirrel, they have a couple of drinks, then the gopher grabs the squirrel by the tail and tries to have sex with it, then they do a couple more shots, the squirrel runs up the tree and the gopher crawls back into his hole.

That's it! An easy bowline, tied the Hoofer way!

(Actually, it was the mooring that failed, but more than a few J sailors do have trouble with their knots.)

Raped and robbed--and lovin' it!

2011-09-08T22:54:00.000-07:00

As if the controversial Wis. Union "renovations" weren't enough, the UW Alumni Association has just announced that the Union parking lot, concrete pier, and everything else along the lake will be torn up too, to be replaced with a grassy, utopian plaza intended to "honor contributions by alumni". That would be cash contributions of some $8 million. Obviously those alumni don't need to be honored. They need to pay more taxes.

This multimillion$ project is on top of dozens of other major building projects at UW-Madison. It's part of the Campus Master Plan to tear down more perfectly good buildings, e.g. Humanities, Van Hise, Engineering Research, and replace them.

Wherever the money for this billion dollar butt-fuck is coming from (rich people? the state?-hardly, seg fees?) it could be going to a hundred other things that are more important, like health care, cutting UW tuition, better instructors, more support for TAs, road improvement, toxic waste cleanup, alternative energy, ETC. You name it.

But that's not how the world works. Instead, some people rip others off, get rich, and then donate money for "utopian plazas" or other projects (read: buildings) that will carry their names. Meanwhile, overpaid administrators skip their meds and dream up shit like this, even as Wisconsin cuts school funding faster than any other state. UW's funding is being cut by some $250 million.

Note the glass skybox (theatre addition) present in the architectural rendering--plus, motorboat parking!

Save the Terrace & piers

2011-08-27T19:36:00.001-07:00

Sept. 1 UPDATE: Architectural drawings produced by overpaid draftsmen are flying around now. Here are a couple of scary ones (at right). I feel sick as I type this. For one, the tunnel is slated to be removed! Then there is the overall ridiculous floorplan redesign resulting in a smaller shop, remanufactured lounge and chartroom, etc. The "boathouse" will be 10% bigger (woo hoo!)--but the canoes will actually be further from the water. Is it just me, or is that fundamentally retarted? Also, the new lakefront access is apparently off to the northeast, thus providing a poorer view of approaching storms while at the same time offering less protection from the rain!

The lower drawing shows the concretization of the lakefront. Does it remind anyone of Indiana..? This is sick stuff, designed by guys in suits working in high-rise office buildings (with input from deranged Union managers). Frank Lloyd Wright must be rolling over in his grave.

[Original post:] As many already know, Union Director Mark Guthier helped force through a referendum in 2006 slapping all UW-Madison students with an extra $192/year in seg fees for the Union (amounting to an extra $200 million students will have to pay over the next 30 years). The referendum failed twice before finally passing on the third attempt.

The extra fees were supposed to be used to (1) raze and re-build Union South (what a friggin waste), and (2) to renovate any run-down parts of Memorial Union and to bring it up to ADA code (i.e. wheelchair access). Guthier and his delusional, drug-crazed staff have since hatched a more grandiose plan for the $200 million. After all, that's far more money than they ever needed for actual renovations, so they've decided to add a huge, glass "lounge" to the theatre lobby. This will turn the west part of the terrace (above Hoofers) into a sunset-blocking monstrosity.

You can get more info and/or help stop this madness HERE.

Also, come to the open forum at the Union next Tues (Aug 30) if you can and voice your objections.

Help Hoofers get your piece of the pie!

2011-08-19T18:17:00.000-07:00

There's a general club meeting next Thursday (8/25) to discuss what Hoofers wants in the way of renovations. A long-time instructor had this to say:

We want.... um, we want more boats! We only have 13 keelboats now! Waaaah! And we want a new shop, and a new lounge. And some new chairs too! Waaaaahh! And a new Lakelab! There's so much money in this booming economy, we want it all! We don't like our old stuff anymore. Waaaaahh! Oh, and we want new computers too--we only have Pentium 4's! Whaaaaaahhh!! (wipes eyes) And did I mention new lifejackets..?

So come to the meeting and get your two cents in. That's about all you'll see personally from the $200,000,000.00 seg fee increase forced through by Director Mark Guthier and his cronies four years ago. But if we get enough people to show up, Hoofers might stand to gain, and that would be good for all the paid hacks around here who rely on Hoofers for a job.

Thank you.

In the shadow of death, new life

2011-08-04T11:32:00.000-07:00

Last night a new commodore was elected, more or less by default since the only other real candidate was overseas and couldn't speak on his own behalf. As usual, there was some chaos and confusion leading up to the election, e.g . TITU said the election was at 8 pm, Hoofers was telling people 9 pm, and the chalkboard by the tunnel said 8:30pm--until they changed it to 9 (at around 8:30). The club's facebook site featured a great post announcing the 9pm election--at 8:42pm. Way to go, Michelle! Yes, there was an email too, but who reads their email?

Immediately before the election, an emergency BOC meeting took place to discuss revoking a club membership. The victim was Jack Thorneau (not his real name), who was accused of various rules violations, negative interactions, etc--the typical crap. Of course, obnoxious behaviour isn't allowed in HSC--unless you're a current employee. To help provide the proper creepy atmosphere, Union staffer Susan Dibbell was summoned along with her $88,620 annual salary.

AUG 6 update: In a laughable and kinda creepy move, the time of the post announcing the election has been changed to 6:12 pm on the club's facebook site, apparently to try to make it look like club officers are really on top of things. You can tell the post time was altered because it's the only one out of order. Yes, I am bored, but OMG!

Parallels in Nature

2011-07-16T01:10:00.000-07:00

Just came across this article in Thursday's New York Times (citing a research report in Science). There are some uncanny parallels to Hoofers. What's most incredible is that UW administrators allow such unsupervised monkey-business.

So we all know who the "alpha males" are, as well as the lowest ranking males, but who would fill the role of beta male(s) in this paradigm..? They are apparently in the best position of all.

2011 Club Portrait

2011-07-11T23:29:00.000-07:00

Here is this year's official Hoofer Sailing Club photo! NOTE: If it doesn't include you, that's because you're not in the club.

The real club, of course, consists exclusively of instructors (and a few B.O.C. members and ex-instructors, not pictured). After all, we control the boats, we give out ratings and take them away, we can sail whatever boats we like, we get all sorts of perks including free annual memberships, we have private weekly parties to which 90% of HSC "members" are not invited (but which are paid for by them), etc.

That 90%--the other 9 out of 10 Hoofer Sailing Club "members" like you--are really just paying customers. But hey, that doesn't mean you won't be admitted to the club eventually. Do what it takes and you've got a chance! Here are some suggestions that might help you crack the real membership:

1) Buy beer for current instructors as often as you can.
2) Keep joining Hoofers every year as a paying member.
3) Come to lots of meetings (you're not allowed at instructor meetings, though).
4) Say funny stuff at socials.
5) Be good looking.

That's about all there is to it! Sailing skills are NOT required. (In fact, sailing expertise can be counterproductive--you don't want to show up your current instructor, e.g. on a lesson, because s/he may not be a very good sailor.)

Just sit right back

2011-06-24T20:46:00.000-07:00

with your wallet out...

The sailing club/Union have come up with a new scheme to try to raise cash to pay instructors: the Three Hour Dinner Cruise. Prices start at $24.50/person (which is at least $98 for a group of four)--and you bring the dinner. Make sure to bring enough for the skipper and crew too, or they might toss you overboard!

Check out the flyer here.

Are there so few club members who want to sail on the keelboats anymore that the club/Union have to lure unsuspecting members of the public..? I remember when we had Friday evening cruises on at least two or three keelboats every week. What's more, we would happily take anyone along--even if they weren't a club member. Not anymore. Now that the club has started paying kb instructors, it's cash on the barrel (and, in a sense, for the barrel...)

We recommend a picnic on picnic point instead. That will cost you nothing, and you won't have to bring lots of extra food for hungry Hoofers (who are also getting paid by the hour in addition to eating your food).

PIRATE'S DAY!

2011-06-14T19:51:00.000-07:00

This Saturday... there will be m-a-y-h-e-m.

Come help us celebrate the lawlessness and abuse!

Get practice at hijacking and other terrorist acts!

Play bumper-boats and do things that would normally get you extra work hours (or worse).

Help glorify assault, rape, and other violent crimes!

Help us eat piggy!

It's Hoofer Sailing Club's Pirate's Day!

New this year: Our group photo for a big postcard to President Obama!*

Cost: $25 (not incl. extra work hours, fines, bail money, etc.)

*Just kidding--we don't want to be arrested by the FBI.

Hoofers/ASA spending opportunity

2011-06-06T17:05:00.000-07:00

June 21 UPDATE: No one signed up yet so the testout is rescheduled for June 25.
June 24 UPDATE: Cancelled again--no takers! One wonders if it's because of the assigned instructor, or perhaps people are wise to this scam.

Hey everyone! There's still time to sign up for this year's ASA 101 testout scheduled for June 11! The cost? About as much as an annual membership in Hoofers! ($200 for non-students--plus the cost of HSC membership.)

Passing this worthless course qualifies you to take more worthless ASA courses (and more importantly, at least to paid HSC instructors, helps to support their drug/alcohol habits). Seriously though, ASA ratings are worthless. They're for people who aren't good sailors but who want to be able to say, "Look, I'm a good sailor... I got an ASA rating! (or two) Whoo hoo!"

Good sailors, i.e. competent, experienced sailors, don't need ASA ratings, e.g. to charter a boat. The last thing I would ever do when reserving a charter is to tell them I have some ASA ratings from Hoofers. If you do that you're guaranteed to get extra scrutiny from the charter master when you arrive, and probably a testout too. Charter masters can smell the fear.

If you want to be able to go and charter, say, a 37 ft. cruiser (monohull) in Florida, just learn as much as you can on regular Hoofer keelboat lessons, get a skipper rating or two, and then start teaching keelboat lessons! Alas, that last item isn't up to you--the club simply won't let some people teach. You have to be either (a) super party boy, (b) a groveling workaholic who loves fibreglass resin and power tools, or (c) butt-buddies with the right person(s). Seriously.

Nor does teaching keelboat lessons guarantee you'll become a good Hoofer sailor, but it sure helps.

The legacy of Jim Rogers

2011-05-15T22:51:00.000-07:00

As promised, here's a plot of HSC instructor pay over time. Compare this graph with the previous post. It should be pretty obvious why membership dues have outpaced inflation over the past 15+ years.

Note: (1) "Total instructor pay" includes the head instructor's salary as well as the Youth program and instructor training (i.e. all wages), but does not include things like manuals, lifejackets, etc. (2) It also doesn't take into account the free club membership that all sailing instructors get (a $200+ value in 2011), which is a total cost to the club of around $200 X 75 instructors = $15,000. May or may not be significant depending on your point of view.

Note that instructor hourly pay has doubled since 1994, far outpacing inflation. WHY? And total dollars going to instructors is "off the chart." This seems to imply more paid instructors working ever more hours. Not coincidentally, over the same period of time, the price of a general club membership has climbed much faster than the rate of inflation. Aichee wawa.

If you want to do your own analysis or check ours, ask Margaux or Michelle or another BOC member for the relevant data. I couldn't find info for all years (some disposed of perhaps by Mr. Rogers?), but I didn't spend that much time in the files either. However, all years aren't necessary to plot the overall trend.

Milking the Cow

2011-05-09T00:22:00.000-07:00

Alright... after a mostly successful lift-in, it's finally time to start thinking about sailing!! And the first thing that comes to mind is how much it's going to cost. If you're not buddies with current club leaders (in which case it costs nothing), then it's cash up front, and non-refundable.

The graph shows the change in membership prices since the early 1990s, compared to the overall rate of inflation. Ouch. The numbers plotted are the price of a regular annual membership. It's apparent that the cost of joining Hoofers has far outpaced the rate of inflation. But why..?

Next time, we'll plot instructor pay over time. :)

NOTE:
1. Some (but not all) years offered an "early annual" discount which explains the apparent dip in 2001. Most people took advantage (the regular price, if you waited, was typically $30 more), so the discounted price is what's plotted.
2. The prices include the "deposit" since fewer than 10% of club members ever get that money back.
3. Some years had additional fleet-specific fees (e.g. J skipper, Keelboat, short board, etc.); these were problematic and are not included here.
4. The cost for current students and non-student Union members was the same until the 2003-04 fiscal year, at which point they decided to really stick it to Union members.
5. The fiscal year doesn't match the sailing season, so in a sense, the years are +/- six months either way.
6. The chart was generated using CricketGraph for Mac.

Daddy's watching

2011-05-02T22:59:00.000-07:00

The law says you can't expect privacy in a public place, and in that spirit, the new Union South--which is now officially open for business--is saturated with security cameras.

A quick, cursory, non-comprehensive count found 27 security cameras on the first floor alone, plus at least three outside. The actual total is likely higher than that assuming some of the cameras are mounted discreetly. Given that Union South is five stories tall, it's quite possible that the building contains more than A HUNDRED security cameras.

Does that sound at all unreasonable or scary to anyone..?

Next, we'll count security cameras at Memorial Union and Hoofers.

Sailing toward oblivion

2011-04-11T12:48:00.001-07:00

With so much off-topic stuff lately, I have to at least try to make this sound like it relates to Hoofers.

The subject line refers to the oblivion for lower and middle class Wisconsinites that will result if Chancellor Biddy Martin is successful in her efforts to separate UW-Madison from the UW system--which, it turns out, have been going on for quite awhile, probably since she took over as chancellor. Martin's intent is to privatize UW-Madison so that tuition and fees can be raised at will, with no more interference by the state. Martin also wants to be able to downsize (or terminate) any professors (and departments) who aren't raking in the big grant money. Hello Art, Anthropology, and Philosophy!

The more you read about Martin's plan, the creepier it gets. For example, her secret New Year's memo to Gov. Walker listing her goals which at their base include a 20% (or higher) tuition hike over the next two years.

Martin herself states: "The goal would be to keep tuition increases under double digits." Well, we all know that goals are rarely met, so we can expect tuition hikes of at least 10% per year if Martin succeeds in her "New Badger Partnership" plan. They're already rising at 9%, or four times the rate of inflation (between 2002 and 2010, tuition and fees more than doubled while inflation, cumulatively, was just 21%). This publication lists UW-Madison's annual tuition over the past 20 years and compares it to the CPI (consumer price index).

Indeed, all Martin talked about in her Madison Magazine interview last fall was raising tuition as much as possible! Here is a much more comprehensive (and scary) website on her whole privatization plan. And for the legal-minded, here's an interesting side-by-side comparison of existing law, Martin's plan, and the UW System's counterproposal, the "Wis. Idea Partnership".

In short, Martin's belief is that if people can't afford to attend UW-Madison regardless of the cost, then they probably shouldn't be going to college anyway.

Live and let die--Wisconsin style

2011-04-07T17:07:00.000-07:00

More semi-off-topic news, but there's not much going on at Hoofers this time of year, and this is incredible....

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) has proposed doing away with Medicare and Medicaid. Incredibly, in the same bill, he proposes substantially cutting taxes for the very rich. So let's get this straight.

Ryan wants to toss the poor (along with their children), the disabled, and the elderly under a bus while grabbing their cash (before they land under the bus) and giving it to the rich people who donated to his campaign. Oh, and Ryan also wants to get rid of food stamps. The words blatantly and outrageous come to mind.

It's obvious that Ryan is trying to make a name for himself, but threatening tens of millions of Americans is a strange way to do it. In any case, it's the same as in Hoofers: when you're in a position of authority, and lacking any moral compass, try whatever you think you can get away with.

April Fools

2011-04-01T11:19:00.000-07:00

Winter is baaaack, making sailing seem as far away as ever, so to lighten things up, here's a list of Wisconsin's "10 favoritemost sports" based on observations accumulated over the course of many years:

1. Gambling. It's a great way to make an easy buck.
2. Chipmunk Hockey--using a small roadkill as the puck.
3. Hunting. Wisconsinites will shoot anything that moves.
"THIS AD PAID FOR BY DICK'S GUNS, BAKERY, AND BAIT SHOP."
4. Farting a tune. Required to graduate the 8th grade in Wisconsin.
5. Mud Wrestling--fully clothed. Wisconsinites don't like to show off their fat bodies (and usually it's two men fighting over beer or gambling debts).
6. Jello Slurping. It's a great source of protein too! And try this variation: jello made from pureed deer meat. (believe it)
7. Motorboating. Lucky there are no manatees in Wis. lakes.
8. Animal Love. Some Wisconsinites will pork anything that has antlers and fits in the trunk.
9. Ice Fishing. It's exciting because you never know when you're gonna fall through!
10. Bowling. It's indoors, doesn't require any exertion, and doesn't take any brains... what more could ya ask for? "Now an official part of Commodore's Cup!"

And what about sailing..? Although it is popular around Hoofers, motorboats outnumber sailboats in Madison by a ratio of more than 10 to 1. Of course, Wisconsin's very favorite pastime is watching the Packers, but sitting in a stadium isn't quite a sport.

NOTE: this blog does not condone any of these "sports" or much of the other stuff that goes on around Hoofers and throughout Wisconsin.

Budget Repair Bill passes

2011-03-09T20:33:00.000-08:00

March 19 UPDATE: A slippery democratic Wis. judge has at least temporarily blocked implementation by the Republican senate of this law.

More semi-off-topic but important/relevant news: Gov. Walker's "budget repair" bill has passed--in an altered form that removed the actual budgetary aspects of it. Apparently, a quorum isn't required for non-spending bills, so the Republicans were able to go ahead and vote without those 14 missing Democrats!

This is disturbing on every level. At best, those Republicans are sleazy operators. But if they violated any senate rules, then they're bona fide crooks. The Democrats are crooks in either case for leaving the state three weeks ago and going into hiding like moles. The circuit courts are full of crooked, child-molesting judges. The Wis. Supreme Court has an agenda to harm lower and middle class folks. We already knew that everyone in Wis. Union (UW) management is a crook, and many other UW administrators are, basically, crooks too for raising tuition and fees at three times the rate of inflation--every year for the past 15 years (on average). UW-Madison police are, by and large, sleazy abusive crooks (and in a pleasant twist, they weren't exempted from the bill, unlike most state police agencies).

So the question is: who does this leave in Wisconsin that isn't a crook..? Such shenanigans in the highest levels of Wis. government reflects on Hoofers. After all, if everyone is a crook, then your being a crook doesn't seem quite so bad, does it..? OMG.

New head of instruction hired

2011-03-01T13:40:00.000-08:00

The club's official site hasn't posted the news yet so we'll break it here:

Hoofers are thrilled to announce that the club has hired a new head of sailing instruction: Dave Elsmo, former coach of the Univ. of Minnesota sailing team.

HSC went with someone who has dinghy coaching experience rather than someone with more general teaching skill. This is understandable given the unimpressive achievements of the Hoofer racing team in recent years. Although they were thrilled to break into the top 20 last fall, the fact is that HSC is bigger than any of the other collegiate clubs (not including Navy or Coast Guard), yet only managed to creep in at #20.

Nor have Hoofers cleaned up in their division in recent years--despite, again, being the biggest sailing club competing. Hence the desire for a dedicated sailing team coach in lieu of someone with more general teaching experience. We invite Dave out for a ride on one of the large keelboats when he can take time away from the 420s and FJ's!

Governor Walker Rules

2011-02-14T21:30:00.000-08:00

A bit off-topic, but this is important news. On Friday, our new Republican governor Scott Walker introduced a bill that would severely curtail collective bargaining (i.e. unions) for state employees. UW-Madison staff including Chancellor Martin are up in arms. Why..? Because they've become accustomed to being grossly overpaid and having great benefits, retirement plans, etc. And they'll say anything and everything to try to keep the money.

For example, UW folks claim that the teaching assistant's union, started in 1997, has improved UW-Madison. Nope. On the contrary, UW-Madison has fallen steadily in the U.S. News college rankings since the early 1980s:

Year 83 88 96 97 98 99 00 01 02 03 04 05 06 08
Rank 13 23 32 41 38 36 34 35 32 31 32 32 34 38

Amazing that 25+ years ago, UW was almost ranked in the top 10 nationally. Oddly, there was an anomalous dip in UW's ranking right about the time the TA's took power, but TA unions have nothing to do with anything except looking out for TAs.

Collective bargaining in general is a non-sequitor for public employees. Historically, unions benefited workers in industry by helping keep corporate power in check, but they have nothing to do with state employment. If you don't like your government job, then quit and get a job in the more competetive corporate world. That's where you need a union.

Wisconsin's massive $2.5 billion budget deficit is nothing less than robbery on an incredible scale. It's 200,000 overpaid state employees stealing from the other 4 million Wisconsin residents--by giving themselves raises, extra benefits, shorter hours, etc. But we already knew that many state employees are crooks. Wis. Union employees are especially adept at getting paid for doing nothing.

Head of Incompetence

2011-01-18T12:48:00.000-08:00

The application deadline for the vacant Head of Instruction job was yesterday (unless they decide to extend it again), so this seems like a good time to review past HOI's.

Let's start back in the pre-JimR days, the late 1980s when Kurt Kummer (what a name, eh?) was the guy. As with most Hoofer leaders and employees, Kurt was a party boy, fond of giving keelboat ratings to his buddies. And when Keelboat instructors wouldn't give Kurt the ratings he wanted, he would demand them.

Then along came Jim Rogers who, like a giant octopus, grabbed the job and held onto it for 15 years. Nothing was off the table for Jim. He would slander, harass, and do whatever else was necessary to solidify his position as HOI. And when the BOC wasn't handling something, he would take it over, like a giant amoeba. Every time he could do that, it would make the HOI job more important, his position ever more secure.

When Jim finally slithered on to the Hoofer Advisor job in 2005, Anne Porter found herself as temporary HOI. Anne never seemed comfortable with the job but did manage to use it to further her own interests. For example, Anne would downgrade exams of people she didn't like while tossing those of people who actually flunked--if the latter happened to be her friends.

Then Brian Borkovec took over and found he could not only negotiate his salary but actually vote to approve it (a felony in Wisconsin). Alas, crimes are pooh-poohed around the Wisconsin Union--as long as they're committed by a Wis. Union employee. Borkovec was also known to stalk people he didn't like and then write "reports" on them. Hey Borko: the public can monitor your criminal activities but you as a state employee are not allowed to harass the public.

The last HOI was Tom Barry who was quickly swept into the Hoofer Hole. Humor? Check. Overwhelmed? Check. Farm off the work to your subordinates? Check. When that didn't go so well, Tom managed to quit this past summer before getting fired.

Wow, what a group. Did we miss anyone?

So here we are in 2011, with a new commodore looking for a new HOI who will not only take care of instruction but also coach the sailing team (of which she just happens to be a member). Good golly. What manner o' beastie can do all that?!

We'll find out.

The Hoofer pyramid scheme

2011-01-11T16:30:00.000-08:00

Interesting stats from a recent Education Committee email:

Around 65% of the club are new members every year.
40% of new members in 2010 never earned a rating.

Very similar statistics on ratings were reported two years ago on this very blog. Alas, there is an even more disturbing possibility than the two suggested in that earlier post (slow learners or poor teachers): a deliberate pyramid scheme.

And that's what Hoofer Sailing Club appears to be, at least to a significant degree: one big pyramid scheme. The purpose simply is not to teach sailing, but to make money and control resources. The way they do it is by saying, "Give us your money and we'll teach you how to sail." But the large percentage of club members who never learn to sail belie that. Club leaders need a large base of paying "members" to provide capital and operating funds (since the 100 or so club leaders don't have to pay anything), so each year they mount an advertising campaign to recruit new suckers, er, members who will pay around $200 each. Of course there are some good club leaders too, but they're either the minority or are simply dominated by the sleazeballs and crooks. If the latter had their way all the time, HSC would be a model pyramid scheme.

For details, check out these related posts on HSC criminal activities, club structure, money grubbing, and arrogance.

Alcoholics Served Anonymously

2010-12-01T15:31:00.000-08:00

Well, HSC has finally managed to fill one of their winter ASA courses in the Caribbean! This despite a cost of $1600/person-- not including airfare. The total: 4 students x 1600 = $6400 paid to the club.

The one week course will be "taught" by Don Hanna, a nice guy to be sure. But where does all that money go? If the boat rental costs four grand (a liberal estimate), and each person eats $20 in food per day (5 people x 7 days x $20/day = $700 in food), which is another liberal estimate given they'll be cooking on board, that still leaves at least $1700. For what?

Don is getting paid for his vacation, er, teaching, presumably at the HSC A-S-A rate of $10/hr (x 7 days x 8 hrs/day = $560). But that still leaves at least $1100 for... what? Is HSC trying to profit now from their winter "classes"? Is some of that money for Caribbean female companionship? (it's all guys on this cruise!) Or is the whole $1100 for alcohol..?! That seems a little excessive, but let's do the math.

As a longtime Hoofer, I know I can drink around $30 in booze per day, especially on a cruise, er, lesson, in the Caribbean. So, 7 days x 5 people x $30/day = $1050.

Looks like that remaining $1100 is indeed for refreshments.

Spreading the disease

2010-11-18T20:34:00.000-08:00

As many people know, ex-Vice-Commodore Bridget Maniaci is now a Madison alderperson. And wouldn't ya know, Maniaci likes her new job--even though it's not intended as an actual job. So she was miffed when someone covertly notified the press that she was trying to get health insurance and pensions for Madison alderpeople. Maniaci's apparent motive was to facilitate making alderperson a full time career.

Isn't Maniaci aware that the whole point of a city council composed of aldermen ("elder men", or wise elders) is to involve successful, experienced--and hence older--citizens in important decision-making..? Apparently not. It's debatable whether or not Madison's common council actually makes important decisions anyway, considering that one of their recent votes was on whether to make the plastic flamingo Madison's official bird.

But back to Maniaci. Did her year or two on the Hoofer Sailing Club BOC make her a wise old man (or woman)..? Hardly. Instead, it appears Maniaci picked up some bad habits from Hoofers, likely from her ex-boss, the criminal Jim Rogers, who has spent the last three decades sliming his way into every nook and cranny at the Wisconsin Union. He has made a career out of positions that were not intended to be long-term, e.g. 15 years as head sailing instructor.

Similarly, alderperson is not intended to be a career move, but health insurance and a pension would sure help with that.

Wis. Union Director revealed to be interdimensional demon

2010-10-18T13:36:00.000-07:00

Union Director Mark Guthier was caught recently by his own surveillance cameras, resulting in the photo at right, obtained earlier today by our operatives. Apparently, the spacing of the cameras throughout the building inadvertently created a Higgs boson induction array, revealing Guthier's true biology.

Other Union staff including Jim Rogers, the security guards, and other individuals who have committed criminal acts or engaged in suspicious activity are now presumed to be interdimensional demons too, possibly minions of Guthier.

But does this really come as any surprise, considering the harm Guthier has wrought on students and other Union members since becoming director in 2001? Among other things, he forced a $200 million fee increase on legions of future students to provide himself with an enormous and unprecedented discretionary budget. We wonder what on Earth he could need so much money for. Perhaps to try to build a portal back to his own dimension..? Or worse, to abduct humans into it? One can only imagine what evil he is up to.

BREAKING NEWS: Jim Rogers removed!

2010-09-07T10:24:00.000-07:00

Details are still sketchy, but the Wis. Union's Human Resources office has confirmed that Hoofer Advoosigator Jim Rogers is being "reassigned" to another position at the union. According to Human Resources, from now on Jim will have nothing to do with Hoofers anymore.

He is being removed from Hoofers apparently as a result of serious policy violations and/or violations of law. Jim has until Friday to clear out his desk in the upper office.

Bon voyage, buddy!

Sept 28 update: As most everyone is aware by now, Jim Rogers' removal is official. He is now an "adviser" in WUD. And don't believe it when he says he wanted to leave Hoofers. He was forced to accept reassignment.

Paid to Party

2010-08-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

Would have posted this sooner but wanted to include visual aids. At right is a graph showing the sharp drop in sailing lessons during 2010's "Instructor weekend off," which took place last weekend (Aug 20-22). This is an annual "HSC" "event" which is only open to instructors (and their friends, lovers, sex partners, would-be sex partners, toy providers, etc). General club members are not invited or allowed to come along even though (or because?) they make up 90% of the club.

The stated purpose of Instructor Weekend Off is to "get away" from all those annoying general club members, i.e. the ones who pay to take lessons. Former Head of Instruction Jim Rogers put it this way: "The club may disintegrate without us, but we'll only be gone for a few days."

The private event helps to facilitate "bonding" among sailing instructors--who are better, harder-working people than all those annoying general club members--and to let the instruction staff have a big party weekend at general club members' expense. It's a reward for doing all that "work" teaching lessons (as if teaching sailing is actual work), organizing Commodore's Cup, and so on. Except, instructors are already getting paid by the hour and the commodore gets paid a stipend.

The sad fact is, when you join the Hoofer sailing "club" as a paying member, club leaders are mainly after your money which will help make life more fun for them. There are many other instructor-and-BOC-only events during the season, including weekly instructor-only parties every Tuesday night (not open to general club members... sorry.) Yet, those sailing instructors weren't "hired" because they were qualified; they got hired because their party buddies were on the hiring committee.

The problem with a few club members (e.g. instructors and BOC) having fun at everyobody else's expense is that it is anathema to a true, egalitarian club. Exclusiveness is malignancy in a social organization like Hoofers.

Blowin' and suckin'

2010-08-12T23:13:00.001-07:00

Well, it's official: UW-Madison now sucks. UW didn't even crack the top 100 best colleges in Forbes/U.S. News' new 2010 report. The question is: why..?

Here's what we think: Since sometime in the 1990s, the UW has been run by crooks who are more interested in their own status and authority than they are in the welfare of students (or Wisconsinites in general). The rot starts right at the top with former chancellor John Wiley and new incompetent Carolyn Martin. Some of all that fat must have gotten into her brain. Continuing down the hierarchy, at least three of the six or so vice chancellors are incompetents or crooks, the Wis. Union Director is a felon, half of his staff are criminals, and Hoofers is run by.... you guessed it, cunning little crooks. (well, not all little....)

Don't be confused by the term "college" in the Forbes report--it includes all American colleges and universities. Michigan, Virginia, North Carolina, Berkeley--they're listed, and they are big state universities like UW-Madison. Indeed, the UW used to be great, but a decade or so ago, the creeps in charge decided to emphasize football (and general stupidity) instead of academics. Thanks, Mr. Wiley! They're also fond of fundraising that elevates their status while contributing nothing to the UW. For example, tearing down perfectly good buildings to replace them with newer ones. Wiley's grand vision was a campus like Purdue's, where every single building is red brick, and nice, wide pedestrian walkways--blanketed by surveillance cameras, of course (caution: that link is to a UW propaganda page). The WUFUCYOU seg fee scam was a big part of that plan. It didn't pass at first (of course), so Union management kept forcing re-votes until it did! Can you spell s-l-e-a-z-y c-r-o-o-k-s?

Signs of the decline are everywhere on campus, including Memorial Union--but not for the reasons promoted by the sleazy Union director. Next time you're at the Union, look around. Today, instead of swirling pot smoke in the Ratcellar and women breast-feeding their babies on the Terrace (common sights in the 1980s), you'll see security guards patrolling under a canopy of surveillance cameras.

What's amazing is that UW ever was a top school. But hey, at least it's still a great party school! (as in, lots of alcohol.)

(check back tomorrow for more links and references.)

Too drunk to count?

2010-08-05T21:16:00.000-07:00

The election results are in! Our new commodore is Margaux, with a whopping 64% of the vote! That was really easy to calculate because she got 64 votes and a total of 100 votes were cast. apparently. Preliminary numbers:

Margie 64 Justin 26 Dan 10

But wait... photos taken at the election show that only about 45 people were present! Were the officials too drunk to count? Those guys in the second row look pretty hammered (what's that guy in the maroon shirt doing--getting ready to heave into his cup?) Or was it simply business as usual?

We think the latter.

Let's see if management don't alter those numbers downward to better reflect the number of people who were actually there...

Meet the candidates!

2010-08-03T13:47:00.000-07:00

It's August already, meaning it is time once again for the annual Commodore election!! The election will be Wednesday evening at 8PM (check TITU).

The commodore election is crucial--the lucky winner receives money, adulation, friends (at least for a year), ratings, and the power to put it to whoever s/he doesn't like! To help you make the right choice, here's a brief summary of each candidate's platform:

Justin Cherniak - "More money for me and other paid staff!"

Dan Burkhart - "Cheaper (and better) beer for socials!"

Margaux Stutz - "I really want to be commodore!"

Try not to throw up at the election.

R&B as Microcosm

2010-07-24T13:59:00.000-07:00

A brief recap of the season to date:

1. Ex-commodore Chris Frye and his ex-commodore buddies get wasted to celebrate the start of a new season.
2. HSC instructor Andy Evenson (and buddies) take the rescue motorboat (with refreshments) on a joyride to Lake Monona.
3. A botched lesson by HSC instructor Ken Jewell lands some of his students in the hospital.
4. Club leaders use "fair and impartial means" to decide who gets the best boats for Rhythm & Booms; Chris Frye "wins" Soma and celebrates by getting bladdered up again.
5. There are fireworks and much alcohol.
6. Chris Frye skippers Soma, a six-tonne keelboat, even though he's so intoxicated he can barely talk.
7. J-Captain Randy Mullis "teaches" a J29 lesson where his students repeatedly make incompetent landing attempts.
8. Mullis then harasses other long-time club members about their keelboat qualifications.
9. Club "leaders" Evenson, Frye, Jewell, and Mullis are congratulated for being so cool.
10. It's Commodore's Cup... Let's party!!!!

NOTE: all of the above are State of Wis. employees, and collectively, they typify the alcoholism, incompetence, and abuse that permeate Hoofers.

Instructor evaluations

2010-07-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

New this year: evaluations of selected Hoofer sailing instructors!

We kick off our new feature with a random pick: former commodore Chris Frye.

NOTE: Chris' evaluation has been moved to the new Instructor Evaluations section--use the menubar link to the right!

Join Hoofers; Don't get killed

2010-06-25T12:17:00.000-07:00

This past week, HSC sailing instructor Ken Jewel got the "Funky Monkey" award for sending two of his students to the hospital. Har har. That's pretty funny, er, funky.

"That which does not kill us only makes us stronger" wrote a fellow instructor. Um, yeah... it's not gonna kill you; it's the 500 or so general club members who need to worry. Meanwhile, the instructors are all smiles (see photo) as they go recklessly about their business, get paid for it, plus get free memberships, weekly private parties, obnoxious posters proclaiming that "we're better than you" and so on. They are definitely better at causing injuries, I'll give 'em that.

Word has it that Ken is a great party boy, though, so his job isn't at risk. You can read more here.

"We don't harass women in Hoofers"

2010-06-02T14:25:00.000-07:00

In a recent study, 84% of men whose actions matched the legal definition of rape said that what they did was definitely not rape[1]. Similar results have been obtained in other studies for other sex-related crimes.

Many people—men and women alike—consider "sexual harassment" to be a bunch of bull (no pun intended). It's so easy to make up a story, file a complaint, even get somebody, normally a male, charged with sexual harassment or sexual assault, even if they didn't do anything wrong. Well guess what? At least two of the past eight HSC commodores, both of whom are men in their 30s or 40s, have been formally charged with sex-related violations (and we're betting it's more than two). You can download the most recent investigation here.

The question is: does becoming commodore make it more or less likely that an individual will become sexually aggressive..? We suspect it's the former, given the commodore's sweeping authority within HSC. But if it's the latter (or if it makes no difference), that would suggest that sexual harassment (and possibly assault) are widespread in Hoofers.

But hey, two out of eight still means that three out of four commodores are not engaging in sexual harassment of female club members. Them's pretty good odds, eh? So c'mon, girls! Join up!

[1] Koss, M. P. 1998. Hidden rape: incident, prevalance, and descriptive characteristics of sexual aggression and victimization in a national sample of college students.

Hoofers run by crooks

2010-04-24T13:00:00.000-07:00

ABSTRACT: Hoofer leaders are misrepresenting the deposit everyone (except them) must pay to join the club. Their intent is to make the price of membership seem lower than it really is. During the season, they deliberately avoid creating enough work hour projects, and as a result, only about 10% of paying club members can ever get their "deposit" back. The defrauded money goes directly into the pockets of those same Hoofer leaders. It is a criminal scheme that should lead to felony charges against several HSC employees.

Last year in 2009 and, we believe, again this year, HSC leaders, i.e. the Board of Captains (BOC) plus some members of the paid instruction corps, have deliberately misrepresented the $65 "deposit" each person must pay to join the club.

Club leaders advertise membership at a certain price, and they state explicitly that the price includes a $65 "deposit" that will be refunded after you do eight work hours. This makes the cost of membership appear to be significantly lower--assuming you can actually get that deposit back. This is where the fraud comes in. Hoofer leaders actively plan how to avoid having to refund that money.

There are approx. 800 general club members in a given year (varies from year to year), which means a total of around 6400 work hours. Yet, the work hour postings are a lot of menial junk, typically 1-2 hour projects, maybe 10-20 of them listed at any given time. The projects include things like "Assist with Friday social 3 hrs" or "Enter data into computer 1-2 hrs". You can see by simple inspection that there are nowhere near enough work hours for 800 people to do eight hours of work each in the course of a season. And, no surprise, only a handful of general club members ever get their "deposit" back. In 2009, it was about 10%.

That this is a deliberate plan by club leaders is evidenced by meeting minutes which show them actively discussing the "deposits" as a major source of annual income. Eight hundred people provide a total of $52,000 in "deposits"—no small sum. At a February 7, 2009 budget meeting, the BOC discussed this fact, and some BOC members pointed out that "advertising more work hours" would negatively impact income (i.e. their spending money). That money goes directly to pay instructors and to provide free memberships for all those BOC members and their buddies, as well as to provide "refreshments" for the weekly instructor parties (which are not open to general club members) and for other "staff"-only events. In other words, those defrauded deposits GO DIRECTLY INTO THEIR POCKETS. Looked at differently, every deposit that has to be refunded is money straight out of their pockets. That's called motive to commit a crime.

The fact that it is a deliberate plan, i.e. that the "deposits" are never really intended to be refunded, makes it criminal. The scheme appears to be a violation of Wis. Stat. § 100.18 (misrepresentation) and Wis. Stat. § 943.20 (theft). Moreover, when you have a bunch of people sitting in a room figuring out how to defraud some other people (in this case, as many general club members as possible), then it is felony conspiracy. The distinction between Hoofer "leaders" and general club members is important because the 100 or so "leaders" DON'T HAVE TO PAY A DEPOSIT OR A MEMBERSHIP FEE, yet they're the ones deciding how to spend all that money paid by general club members. For theft of property worth over $10,000 and conspiracy to commit that theft, the penalty is up to 10 years in prison. As noted above, the security deposits of 800 club members amount to some $52,000. If you prefer, the fraud can be viewed as some 700 counts of misdemeanor theft.

There is no doubt that club leaders know what they're doing is wrong. This is evidenced by complaints against people who take unofficial minutes at BOC meetings. If you're up to no good, you sure don't want anyone taking notes! Hoofers' ongoing efforts to classify their meetings as private, i.e. not subject to Wis. Open Meeting law, are presumably related. When the "official" minutes for the Feb-7-09 budget meeting finally appeared months later on the club's website, they contained gaps where malfeasance such as the "deposit" fraud had been discussed—further evidence that the participants knew it was wrong.

It is worth noting that Hoofer Coordinator Jim Rogers, a full-time UW employee, was present at the 7-Feb-2009 budget meeting where the massive deposit fraud was discussed, and he did not object. Coincidentally, 90% (the amount not refunded) of $52,000 is $46,000, which just happens to be Rogers' current annual salary.

To summarize, Hoofer Sailing Club's practice is to:
(1) Advertize that a substantial portion of the membership price is a "deposit" that will be refunded;
(2) Discuss in secret meetings how to avoid actually having to refund that money.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when at first we join the HSC.....

Fighting for cash

2010-03-28T22:23:00.000-07:00

Like a dozen squealing piglets fighting over six* nipples, Hoofer leaders are spending their offseason arguing over what else they can get paid for. Paid keelboat instruction is the latest rage. What's wrong with giving people money to teach on the club's largest boats..? Everything.

For one, there has never been a shortage of qualified volunteer instructors on those boats. This contrasts with the lower fleets, e.g. Techs and Badger Sloops. The ratings flowchart naturally requires more ratings on those beginner boats, which is logical and necessary, but it creates a huge demand for Tech lessons--and the responsibility to provide enough of them. Plus, the smaller boats leak, they're tippy, and so on. Thus paid instruction is necessary for Techs and Slops in particular (and probably sailboards). Everything else should be 100% volunteer because Hoofers is a club, at least according to its constitution. It is not a paid service organization where employees work for members, although it's coming to resemble that more and more.

The more money that flows within the "club", the higher the membership cost and the more incentive there is to shut people out. It's hard enough to get rated on the keelboats without having the added disincentive (from the paid instructors' point of view) of you the student potentially taking their paying job away.

Simply put, the large keelboats are the pinnacle of sailing in Hoofers. Paying anyone to teach on them is like paying someone to have sex. It just isn't necessary. In fact, it's decadent and degenerate. And yet, some people who've been teaching on the keelboats for years are salivating at the thought. They should be ashamed because skippering those boats is reward enough.

If you want a job, go find a bloody job.

*Most sows actually have 12 teats, but they nurse lying on their side, so only six are accessible at any one time.

A crook on the board

2010-03-14T17:19:00.000-07:00

Here's an amazing and disturbing new story about public employees. Journalist Steven Greenhut, author of the new book "Plunder: How Public Employee Unions Are Raiding Treasuries, Controlling Our Lives and Bankrupting the Nation" (good summary and review here), talked about it this week on WPR. You can listen to the entire 45min show for a limited time.

Although Greenhut focuses on California, he makes very clear that this is a serious nationwide problem. And although he focuses on public employee unions, they are assisted in their plundering by administrators, legislators, and the courts—the three branches of "government". Could anyone possibly believe it's just coincidence that the people who write the laws also happen to have the best pension plans, the best health care, the best benefits packages, and the most vacation time..? And that's not all. Despite being grossly overpaid to begin with (e.g. $175,000/year for Orange County firefighters!?), many public employees manipulate loopholes in the law—laws made up by their fellow state employees—to obtain extra benefits. Many even engage in actual criminal behaviour to obtain even more cash. All of this comes from the taxpayers, of course, i.e. from the people the state employees supposedly work for. Meanwhile, the rest of us have expensive health plans, or none at all. We have shaky retirement "investment" plans, limited unpaid vacations, and we work 70 hour weeks like slaves. As if that weren't enough, the state employees work actively to eliminate social security, they refuse to pass national health care, they charge us with every little violation they possibly can (to wring even more money out of us), and so on.

Take a minute to read this short but stunning Wall Street Journal article on the issue.

What does all this have to do with Hoofers..? I think you know (sung in melodic voice).... All Wis. Union and Hoofer staff are State of Wisconsin employees. Most of them are grossly overpaid (e.g. Susan Dibbell: $101,000/year plus benefits!?), and many of them are crooks.

For further reading [click]

Hoofers looking to marry ASA

2010-03-04T10:44:00.000-08:00

The push to join the American Sailing Association (ASA) continues. Hoofer Sailing club is desperate to find a way to streamline its chaotic and foundering keelboat program. It seems those kb instructors also want to get paid even though club rules don't allow it.

We see several problems with Hoofers marrying up (and the problems are mostly for the ASA):

(1) Hoofer leaders include too many rump-humping yahoos who like to play bumper boats, blow out spinnakers, and even sink boats. And they normally do it drunk. Nothing is going to change Wisconsin's alcoholic culture, but it could affect the reputation of the ASA.

(2) Hoofers is run by criminals, not the least of whom is Hoofer Coordinator Jim Rogers. A formal relationship could have repercussions for the ASA.

(3) Over the past decade, several leading club members tried on several occasions to make the keelboat program more rigorous and were laughed out of the room each time. Now Hoofer keelboaters are looking for outside help?

(4) Hoofers is located on tiny Lake Mendota, so the only courses that could even be taught here are ASA 101 (Basic Keelboat) and perhaps 119 (Weather). Even 101 is iffy because it requires "moderate winds and sea conditions" and L. Mendota never gets moderate sea conditions, only rarely getting waves of more than one foot. Only during thunderstorms do we get bigger waves, but then the red flag goes up!

(5) All other ASA courses are clearly out, e.g. coastal cruising, bareboat chartering, etc.

Which begs the question: What is the real motivation for wanting ASA affiliation? It can't be to teach ASA classes because only a handful could even be taught here. Is it to justify paying keelboat instructors..? There is a long tradition of not paying them since Hoofers is (in theory) a volunteer-run club, not a sailing service. At least the kb program can take pride in abiding the club's constitution, while the rest of the club cannot. Now the keelboaters want to do an about-face!? Or are they hoping to standardize and validate Hoofers' ridiculously erratic program? That was already tried in the past and failed utterly.

We suspect certain club leaders have had trouble getting approved to charter and figure easy ASA ratings would be the best way to fix that problem.

March 8 update: You never can tell whether Hoofers are serious or not. Check out this flowchart of the proposed ASA program. It looks like maybe they're joking after all.

Sobering stats for would-be instructors

2010-02-23T23:21:00.000-08:00

So you passed the instructor exam (or not), and you've got an interview lined up. Woo hoo! Don't get your hopes up just yet though. Here are last year's stats:

* 117 applicants (65 return applicants and 52 new)
* Of the 52 new applicants, 27 got interviews
* of those 27, 14 were offered positions
* 73 instructors were selected overall

Thus, your odds of getting "hired" are over 90% if you're a returning instructor but just 25% if you're a new applicant. Amazingly, of the approx. 73 total instructors "hired" in 2009, every single one of them was white (see photo). None were African-American, none were Asian, and not a one was Native American, but you can bet they all could handle their liquor. Worse, not one single Hoofer Sailing Club member in 2009 was African-American! That's out of more than 800 club members!

Welcome to the most discriminatory club in the world which, by the way, is run by guys who are not only white, blue-eyed, native-English speaking crooks. They also--you guessed it--can handle their liquor.

Feb 27 update: Check out yesterday's Daily Cardinal front page article about diversity and discrimination at UW in general.

Good ol' Joe

2010-02-17T21:05:00.000-08:00

It's only February but things are already heating up. Last week, a WPR radio show got a surprise caller. It was Joe Silverberg, long-time Hoofer sailing instructor and the elder of that exclusive club, promoting HSC as a volunteer organization. What's wrong with that, you say..? HSC is no more volunteer than Walmart is. More than 60% of the club's $300,000 annual budget goes directly to pay instructors and shop staff [ref]. The rest goes to buy beer for instructor parties, to purchase new boats, etc.

It is grossly inappropriate for a long-time Hoofer Sailing instructor, e.g. Joe S., to misrepresent the club to the public. Nor can Joe claim he doesn't know how things work at Hoofers, i.e. that the vast majority of instructors are paid, because he's one of them. Most HSC sailing instructors wouldn't even teach lessons unless they got paid. In fact, not one instructor who was paid last year offered to volunteer this year! That shows how committed most club "leaders" are to having a "volunteer" club. [NOTE: "instructors" should really be in quotes too since so many of them are incompetent, but that's another story.]

Even former commodore Matt Duerst wrote "yes" next to "Paid" and "NO" next to "Volunteer" on his instructor application. Want more evidence of the "volunteer" club that Joe imagines..? Check out the club's BOC minutes. There's a recent motion to let BOC members get paid too!! Hey, they just want their piece of the pie.

The culture of lying and duplicity and general criminality is slowly infecting everyone who comes into contact with it. Even good ol' Joe.

Hoofer keelboaters sink J24 in Carribean

2010-02-15T18:15:00.000-08:00

On Monday Feb. 1, while most of use were freezing our butts off walking to class or hiking to work in Madison, some HSC members were enjoying the balmy breezes--and warm water--of the Caribbean.

HSC Large-Keelboat instructors Mike Moninger and Dennis Kennedy and other experienced Hoofer Sailing Club members who should have known better were racing keelboats off Grenada when along came a big puff. Seconds later, they all found themselves in the water, their boat sinking. Now, anyone who has sailed a J-24 knows that it simply can't be sunk. It's a small yacht with 1200 lbs. of lead in the keel which prevents it from capsizing. Even if you do somehow manage to roll it, e.g. in big waves, the keel will flip it right back up. That is, unless you left your cabin hatch wide open! Well, it's a pain in the butt to have to keep opening and closing that hatch when the beer and liquor are below. But you can't keep it up in the cockpit – J-24's just don't have enough cup-holders! So, you tend to leave the hatch open. Problem is, this wasn't Lake Mendota. It was the ocean.

Here's the story in the local Grenada news with photos. Check out those big waves. They must be, what, 1 or 2 feet in height?

Teach Sailing in 2010

2010-02-08T09:46:00.000-08:00

Can you sail or windsurf? Are you popular and good looking? Can you handle your liquor? The Hoofer Sailing Club is searching for 20-25 new applicants to teach sailing in 2010. Part-time and full-time paid and volunteer positions are available. Applications (due February 18) can be printed off the club's official site or picked up at Memorial Union.

A typical day for a summer sailing instructor might include dragging yourself out of bed with a hangover at 8:45 a.m., racing to the Union, meeting with other hung-over instructors at 9 to put the motorboats in the water and discuss the on-the-water plan for your day, kicking back for awhile, grabbing lunch, taking a break to play on boats you'd like to sail, getting certified on those boats (there's nothing to it if you're an instructor), taking another break, and finally teaching one short 3-hour class for adults starting sometime in the afternoon. At sunset join a few fellow instructors for bar food or, more likely, head to someone else's house to get splashed again. Tuesday evenings at sunset are the weekly staff meetings followed by the official weekly instructor party*, but that doesn't stop us from getting wasted on other nights too! Best of all, it's always a private party--general club members aren't invited! Hoofer alumni often report that their time with Hoofers was one of the most enjoyable periods of their lives, though oddly, they often can't remember anyone's name.

+ Secret tips for getting hired![Show/Hide]

*Why does the club's official site say "an evening of fun social activity" instead of just being honest and saying "alcohol-drenched keggar"? Not once in the past 20 years has there been a Tuesday night "fun social activity" that didn't involve huge amounts of alcohol. In fact, few lessons are ever scheduled for Wednesday morning for that very reason.

Sailing south from Minnesota

2010-01-17T13:08:00.000-08:00

There's not much news because Hoofer leaders are locked away by the fireplace, plotting how to maximize profits in '10. But how 'bout this:

The Dallas Cowgirls came north today and met their maker. That, of course, is Brett Favre who made them cocky by losing to Dallas in all three of his previous playoff appearances against them. But that was back in the 1990s. This time, the 'girls got slaughtered. Final score: 34 to 3.

For details, see this article, fittingly titled "Setting Sail":
http://sports.yahoo.com/

You could even say that Dallas got raped. Now there's something that Hoofer leaders can relate to.

Feb. 7 update: The "Setting Sail" article's title changed almost immediately, and it doesn't matter now anyway since Favre threw the title game away.

Mind numbing

2009-09-07T17:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, check this out:

http://forum.hoofersailing.org/viewtopic.php?f=32&t=60&p=88#p88

It is without question the most mind-numbing Hoofer thread of all time. Much of it is accurate although Johann is distorting everything, and what he can't distort, he just blows off. What's really amazing though is that the thread hasn't been deleted yet by club leaders (but keep checking).

More soon--after I've had a chance to digest the entire thread (which continues to grow)....

Trickle down behaviour

2009-08-27T20:02:00.000-07:00

A philosophical question: If one commits a crime but isn't convicted in court, is s/he still a "criminal"..? Yes, according to every dictionary I could find. For example, thefreedictionary.com defines criminal as:

One that has committed or been legally convicted of a crime.

Similarly, merriam-webster.com defines criminal simply as one who is "guilty of crime." No resource says anything about a requirement that one be convicted (i.e. in court). Consider: If someone rapes a girl but is never convicted—perhaps her testimony is poor, or perhaps the perp can afford a good lawyer—is he then not a "criminal"..? How about someone who breaks into a car and steals the stereo but is never caught, much less convicted. Is he a criminal..? Of course he is! He's simply one who got away with his crime. Happens all the time. Unfortunately, the inverse is also possible, and even more disturbing—people often are wrongly convicted of crimes they didn't commit. [ref1; ref2] The law, despite reading like an anal-retentive version of a tax form, is incredibly capricious. It is so because its enforcement is dominated by people with agendas.

This brings us to the current situation: the committee charged with hiring the new HOI includes one or more people applying for that position, e.g. Kristin Paul. If those individuals proceed any further, they'll be violating Wis. statutes. Of course, they are operating in an environment where corruption and sleaze is the rule. Outgoing HOI Brian Borkovec apparently violated the statute (conflict of interest) when he voted on his own salary earlier this year. His boss, Hoofer Advoosigator Jim Rogers, has committed battery, perjury, and other substantial crimes. And his boss, Union Director Mark Guthier, has also committed felonies including obstruction and perjury.

In such an environment, how can the subordinates be expected to behave any better..? That would be like asking your crew to wear their lifejackets when you're not wearing yours!

Pathetic

2009-08-20T21:17:00.000-07:00

Today it was 80 degrees out with scattered clouds and a south wind at 15 knots. In other words, perfect for sailing. Yet incredibly, all of the large keelboats (cruising and racing fleets) sat at their pins all afternoon. The J29 (technically part of the J fleet) was sailed for awhile, then put away at 2:30. The J24's sat at their pins too. Nor did the red flag go up until just before 5:00 (and then only for a little while). Thus, on one of the best sailing days of the year, dozens of club members were deprived of sailing all afternoon on any of the large keelboats!

Or were they..?

Apparently, there's hardly anyone who even wants to sail the keelboats if they can all just sit at their moorings on a day like this. So let's not hear any more crap about there not being enough keelboat lessons. And how can Chris Frye be teaching lessons..? He can barely tie a bowline.

In the stink

2009-08-10T19:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Leader was out of town but he is back! And so much has happened in the past week.

A new commodore was "elected"—apparently. Witnesses report that some people received several ballots, so was it really an election..? Please define "election". Whatever, nobody ever said the old adage "one person, one vote" applies in Hoofers. In fact, the exact same thing happened last year (and the year before that, and...)

Meanwhile, club leaders continue to remove posts from the official club "forum". What the heck kind of forum is that..? If you want to be shocked and amused at the same time, check out their rules. Read them twice if you don't throw up the first time. It's enough to discourage anyone with a brain from posting there. The rules against purposeless inflammatory posts and meaningless threads are especially pathetic. Who do you think decides whether something is meaningless or inflammatory..? Why, the people who are being criticized, of course!

Club leaders went so far as to ban some individuals from posting any more at all, simply because they criticized the current BOC. That is what's known as c-e-n-s-o-r-s-h-i-p. One post had pointed out that despite the club rule that a general membership meeting must be held at least quarterly, there hasn't been one in years. For that, the person got banned.

At least no more boats have sunk. although I haven't actually taken a count lately....

Bashing heads

2009-07-30T21:47:00.000-07:00

We have just obtained the pre-official minutes from the July 1st BOC meeting (as of the time of this post, these are still not available yet on the club's site). Incase you missed it, the meeting was even nastier than usual, as the minutes show. The two main agenda items were to (1) bash former J-fleet Captain Paul Grinstead, and (2) bash Vice Commodore Bridget Maniaci.

The best of the Paul bashing (by Commodore Matt Duerst and General Incompetent Chris Frye):

• Paul received the agenda and failed to show up [for previous meeting]...
• I specifically stated that announcements should be posted to the forums for the Club to see instead of unofficial mailing lists or other methods. [Could Matt mean this blog..?!]
• Administered the [Rhythym & Booms] lottery, with himself in it, and won the J29.
• I was extremely disappointed with his attitude and childish behavior.
• all 3 keelboat fleets are approximately $1100 over [budget]. Editor's note: Is that a lot..? The club's budget is, like, $300,000.
• and from Chris: I was J-Fleet Captain for many years and don’t remember any
incidents. Editor's note: Um, no incidents..?! Has Chris forgotten about how the J24 mast snapped off at lift-in because he didn't secure the stays? Or how the J22 sank because he forgot to seal it..? Or a host of lesser incidents that occurred while he was J fleet captain??

This was perhaps Paul's best response to the bashing:

"I was not at the last BOC meeting because I was taking a much-needed break from Hoofers... the political bickering and disrespect at the BOC meetings are counterproductive to [looking after myself]."

Political bickering and disrespect at a BOC meeting..?! C'mon! You just weren't drunk enough.

And here's what C. Johann Sung wrote—on official Hoofer stationery no less—about Maniaci:

• INTERFERED with Pirate’s Day 2008
• FOLLOWED POORLY at Commodore’s Cup 2008
• LED POORLY at MU Bash 2008
• UNILATERALLY Pushed for Statue of Liberty 2009
• INTERFERED with Hoofer Council Election 2009
• INTERFERED with Friday Night Socials 2009
• INTERFERED with Pirate’s Day 2009
• INTERFERED with Rhythm and Booms 2009
• INTERFERED with Commodore’s Cup 2009

Wow. Amazing that one human being could interfere so much in half a season.

Hear ye, hear ye! The finding of this blog is that:

• Bridget is exonerated because she uses better grammar than C. Johann Sung.
• Paul is not reinstated as J fleet captain because he doesn't really want that dirty job anymore anyway.

The full nasties, er, minutes are available here and here. Thanks to our operatives.

Run, Borko, Run

2009-07-29T09:38:00.000-07:00

Hoofer Sailing's head of instruction (HOI) has announced his departure, effective before the end of this season. We commend him on his decision not to linger. The HOI position should be a revolving position to let as many individuals as possible get experience at this important job. It also ought to be an unpaid position, but that's another post.

Nevertheless, Brian's move is surprising considering that Hoofer Coordinator/Advisor Jim Rogers promoted Brian earlier this year to Assistant Hoofer Advisor. We wonder: Did JimR promote Brian in the hope of influencing him to stay longer..? After all, three years must seem like mere seconds to the Hoofer Coordinator who was HOI for fifteen years. Yet, Brian has chosen to flee to the business school. Perhaps he is going to reunite with former Hoofer Advisor Steve Schroeder to discuss ways to fix all that is wrong with Hoofers.

But what a run Borko has had! Sailing instructor. Commodore. Head of Instruction. Assistant Hoofer Advisor. Yet, one wonders if he ever actually made it into the most elite clique in HSC, which is by secret invitation only. Not even as commodore is a person necessarily invited into that club! Of course, some don't want to join. Among other things, it requires an unpublicized nighttime cruise with certain long-time male Hoofer leaders who all get naked and jump into the water together. Or maybe that's why Brian wanted out—he was invited into that club, known to some as the pole jumpers....

Unofficial minutes of Monday's unannounced meeting to form an unofficial "committee" to look for Borko's replacement are here.

Let's have a ball

2009-07-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

Fabulous weather made for some great sailing on Saturday night for the conclusion of the Commodore's Ball and Commodore's Cup week. In fact, there's great sailing anytime now that the club has ten (or is it 11?) keelboats. Sign up for a keelboat cruise and check out the Hoofer "cruising" scene. Cruises are open to all club members and their guests, and sometimes to the public. Of course, most cruises only happen for special events, e.g. Rhythm & booms, C-Cup, sail-free day, the forthcoming commodore election, etc., so it's hard to actually get on a cruise. Please check with the skipper before bringing alcohol or other drugs on board. Also get the skipper's okay before jumping overboard.

Fear mongering for non-swimmers

2009-07-21T15:33:00.000-07:00

Last week, the university and union started their annual stay-out-of-the-water campaign, warning of the terrible dangers of... algae. Well, I've been swimming in L. Mendota many times over the past ten years, and so have my friends, never with any ill effects. You've got a better chance of being attacked by a large fish than of encountering toxic algae. Unless you dive straight into something that looks like the photo above (taken recently near the swimming pier), you've got nothing to worry about. If you do dive into something that looks like the photo, well, then you deserve what you get. Not even a dog would jump into that. However, the "pea soup" stuff that floats suspended throughout the water column out on the open lake is not dangerous except rarely to people who don't know how to swim. See www.news.wisc.edu/16894 for more "info".

How do you know for sure that there's no danger..? Because Hoofers never cancels any classes—not even sailboarding or dinghy testouts (which require a dunking in the lake)!

Secret government authorized?

2009-07-12T20:16:00.000-07:00

Well, the previous post went to seed after about 25 comments, most of which focused on open meetings issues and not on why all three keelboat captains were kicked off the BOC. That's interesting because our operatives have obtained a copy of a recent letter to the Wisconsin Attorney General's office asking whether Hoofer meetings are indeed public. In the interest of fanning the flames, we've decided to make the letter available as a PDF.

Here's the link (it's only about 750K and quite readable quality):

letter to AG Re:Hoofers

Although the letter asks about Hoofer Council meetings, it seems like it would also apply to BOC meetings. Some names have been blacked out for privacy interests and because they have no bearing on the contents of the letter. Keep in mind if you read it that it is only an opinion based on the documents that were apparently provided to the AG. It sounds like there may be other, more relevant documents that might have led to a different opinion. Perhaps someone can get ahold of those.

Big Brother Day

2009-07-04T22:55:00.000-07:00

July 4 seems like a good time to reflect on crooked government employees, especially those whose goal is to curtail our freedoms. For example, Wisconsin circuit court judges, most of whom are half-senile child molesters (or incompetent imposters). Or Dane Co. District Attorney and soon-to-be Court of Appeals Judge Brian Blanchard, another crooked bum. Does he actually expect people ever to address him as "your honor"? And then there is Wis. Union DIrector Mark Guthier, probably the sleaziest and most dishonest individual employed by the UW. Guthier has committed multiple felonies over the past several years, but due to the total lack of ethics permeating Wis. state government (especially the judicial branch), he hasn't been formally charged with a single crime—as of yet. And don't forget former HSC Commodores Mike Larsen and Chris Frye telling lies in court. Hoofer Clerk Jim Rogers likes to do that too, and it's a felony.

Has anyone noticed that since Guthier took over as Union director, Memorial Union has devolved from a welcoming intellectual environment into something straight out of the movie "V"? For example, the new surveillance cameras in the ceiling throughout the building that record your every move. It's why women these days put their shorts and t-shirt on before coming in from the Terrace—they don't want some sleazy, middle-aged Union manager like Guthier or Roger Vogts panting over video of them in a bikini.

The law of Karma dictates that criminals like Guthier, Vogts, and Rogers will inevitably be brought to justice for their unlawful, immoral acts.

Boinked!

2009-07-03T10:15:00.000-07:00

This week in a contentious Board of Captains (BOC) meeting, two of the club's three keelboat fleet captains were removed from office by Commodore Matt Deurst, and the third resigned in protest. The keelboat fleet consists of the club's ten largest boats and is thus the most significant fleet in Hoofers. Apparently the blow-up was a personality conflict between ROTC-officer-in-training Duerst and hard-working fleet captains Paul Grinstead and Kyle Ankenbauer. The public meeting took place on 1-Jul-09 in the Hoofer Chartroom, but Duerst did not announce the agenda in advance (contrary to Wis. law). A full analysis will be forthcoming.
[def. boink (boingk). boinked, boink·ing, boinks. slang v.tr. 1. to hose. 2. to ball sack.]

July 10 update: The promised full analysis will be limited to what is obvious: Kyle and Paul (and indirectly, Barry) were all removed against their will, with no reasonable chance to remedy the situation, for reasons we'll never really know. Heck, the commodore doesn't even know why he removed them. In Hoofers, shit just happens. Sometimes it's illegal, and sometimes it's not.

The King's Men

2009-06-06T23:05:00.000-07:00

A number of people have asked for an evaluation of Hoofer leaders and instructors, but there are official Hoofer mechanisms for that (defective as they may be).

Nevertheless, it can be stated that most Hoofer leaders are good people—at least until they become Hoofer leaders. Then, like dogs accepted into the pack, they are compelled to become what they are associated with. The real problem is an environment that facilitates abuse as well as actual violations of law.

For instance, the person who oversees all of Hoofers, Hoofer Coordinator Jim Rogers, made false statements under oath in Dane County Circuit Court in 2006 in order to get a Hoofer member convicted of trespassing in the lower office. Perjury (violation of Wis. Stat 946.31) is a felony—a far more serious crime than any conceivable form of trespassing. Then Jim lied in court again to obtain a wrongful restraining order against someone. That order was eventually nullified by the Wis. Court of Appeals who ruled that it had been granted erroneously. Jim also likes to make false police reports about people he doesn't like.

More recently, Brian Borkovec, the sailing Head of Instruction (HOI), may have committed a felony when he argued and then voted in favor of his own salary and pay raise at the annual budget meeting in February of this year. From Wisconsin Statutes:

946.13 Private interest in public contract prohibited.
(1) Any public officer or public employee who does any of the
following is guilty of a Class I felony:
(a) In the officer’s or employee’s private capacity, negotiates
or bids for or enters into a contract in which the officer or
employee has a private pecuniary interest, direct or indirect, if at
the same time the officer or employee is authorized or required by
law to participate in the officer’s or employee’s capacity as such
officer or employee in the making of that contract or to perform
in regard to that contract some official function requiring the exercise
of discretion on the officer’s or employee’s part; or
(b) In the officer’s or employee’s capacity as such officer or
employee, participates in the making of a contract in which the
officer or employee has a private pecuniary interest, direct or indirect,
or performs in regard to that contract some function requiring
the exercise of discretion on the officer’s or employee’s part.
(2) Subsection (1) does not apply to any of the following:
(a) Contracts in which any single public officer or employee
is privately interested that do not involve receipts and disbursements
by the state or its political subdivision aggregating more
than $15,000 in any year.

According to our information, Brian makes much more than $15,000 annually. NOTE: according to the 2007 redbook, Brian's enticement was $26,256 per annum.

Former Commodore Mike Larsen also committed crimes. Among other things, he libeled a club member in an attempt to get the individual kicked out of Hoofers. Based on Larsen's distorted lies, the BOC voted to suspend the individual's membership—the only time that has happened to any club member in at least the past five years. Larsen also misused his position as Commodore to coerce people into paying money they didn't owe. Defamation and coercion are both crimes under Wis. statutes. At best, Larsen's actions amounted to criminal negligence.

The Hoofer Coordinator. The Head of Instruction. The Commodore. These are the three most important positions in Hoofer sailing Club. What does their behaviour say about the current leadership of Hoofers? It says be careful.

Incredibly, neither Rogers, Borko, nor Larsen were convicted of any crimes (yet) because they are State employees, friends of the police and the court. The King's men, as it were. Welcome to the 18th Century in Wisconsin.

More on crooked instructor hiring

2009-05-29T13:53:00.000-07:00

In a recent post (Apr 27), we reported on corruption in the sailing instructor hiring process, including the hiring of several individuals who had failed the written exam. They were hired anyway because they're fun guys (though lacking in basic sailing knowledge—how'd ya like to find yourself paying to take "lessons" from one of them..?). And of course, they were interviewed by—you guessed it—their buddies, who happen to comprise the "hiring committee".

Some folks asked that actual names be provided, but unfortunately those are subject to the FERPA law that protects some student and job applications. However, if you still doubt that this actually happened—and that it happens every year at Hoofers—check out this recent news story about corruption in the New Haven, CT fire department. That sort of thing is typical nationwide, in many lines of work. Why would Hoofer Sailing be an exception?

It is noteworthy that there isn't one single African-American on the instruction staff at Hoofers, nor was there one single black instructor among the approx. 84 sailing instructors last year.

But wait, you cry. No blacks applied to teach sailing!

Maybe that's because a lot of people don't feel comfortable around the very white and overtly discriminatory Hoofer-controlled lakefront.

The Hydra

2009-05-21T18:57:00.001-07:00

At right is the new Hoofer internal political flowchart. It is similar to the ratings flowchart, only this one shows how club politics operate (in a general sense).

There have been some good comments on some of the previous posts, so an evaluation of current (and former) sailing club staff is in prep. [5/29 Update: evaluating some 120 Hoofer Sailing leaders and instructors isn't really within the scope of this blog, but we'll try to post evaluations of individuals who warrant it.]

Thought Control

2009-05-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

Aach, ideas are such insidious things. If not properly controlled, they can lead to real problems for those in authority. Hence the restrictions on the club's new official forum, initiated recently by Commodore Matt Duerst. Not only are posts restricted to happy, friendly ones (at the risk of being banned) but certain club members are banned from the outset, according to our sources. A happy, friendly club ought to be free of criticisms—especially ones that potential club members might see.

Nor did certain club hacks like the complaints that were surfacing regularly on the long-time keelboat list (keelboat@cs.wisc.edu), a holdover from better days. Some 150 club members, including most keelboat instructors and club leaders, were subscribed to that list. So, in late April, a couple of club officers started sending obnoxious, slanderous messages to the list, causing it to be shut down.

Of course, that was their intent. A new, privately controlled, non-UW-sponsored list was all ready to take its place. On the same day that the old keelboat list was terminated by UW-Madison staff, a new list appeared (groups.google.com/group/keelboat), controlled by none other than Jonathan Gapen, an ex-commodore. NOTE: the Sailing Club commodore is an employee of the State of Wisconsin.

[5/17 UPDATE: Yeah, maybe there were really only 100 subscribers after pseudonyms, and no, it's not hard to set up a google group. But there were also eleventh-hour messages to the old list from club leaders encouraging people to try the club's impotent new "forum". Two plus two still adds up to three in Hoofers.]

Toasted buns

2009-04-27T19:01:00.000-07:00

Well, April is almost over with and we're starting to see some familiar faces around the lakefront--mostly returning instructors. New applicants are also being given token interviews, and some are appealing their not being hired. One or two have even filed lawsuits against Hoofers. It looks to be another great season on tap! (at least for people whose party buddies happened to be on the hiring committee.)

New Forum (for approved thoughts only)

2009-04-20T11:52:00.000-07:00

At last, the club's official website has reinstated the online "forum" which was abruptly shut down in 2006 by former ex-commodore Mike Larsen because too many people were posting criticisms of the club. Of course, the club still doesn't like criticism, so all postings in the new "forum" will have to be made under your own name. Although the First Amendment guarantees anonymous publishing, that apparently doesn't apply in The H o o f e r Zone.

In addition, the new official club "forum" is only for current club members and other people who are approved by club leaders. Read that last sentence again. Yup, they plan to limit which non-club-members can post comments. Is that even legal? Doesn't sound like it, but even if it is, what does that say about club leaders..? What kind of leaders don't allow/cannot tolerate criticism, or only allow it under a person's real name? (Answer: Ones who want to be able to retaliate against individuals who criticize them.)

But never fear! This unofficial forum will be available for more open discussion.

How to slander someone and get away with it

2009-03-28T18:08:00.000-07:00

Say there's someone in the club you don't like--we'll call him "Bob" for lack of imagination--and you want to drive him out of the club. The "why" isn't important. Maybe he threatens your paid position, or maybe he's called for an investigation into an apparently unlawful conflict of interest in the club, or maybe you just don't like him. You're a Hoofer "leader", and he's just a schmuck. So, how to go about this while minimizing any potential harm to yourself..?

From the unpublished Hoofer Leader manual:

1) Send an email to the private BOC (Board of Captains) list asking if anyone saw "Bob" around late the other night.
2) Make sure to mention the vandalism that also occurred the other night (and make sure that some vandalism actually occurred!).
3) For good measure, send a short, second email asking if it's true that [fill in name of former instructor who will be hard to contact] had safety concerns about Bob.
4) Remind everyone how great last week's instructors' party was.

All done! Let the internet work its magic, and before you know it, everyone around will be giving "Bob" dirty looks and avoiding him as much as possible. Meanwhile, of course, Bob is wondering who really vandalized those boats....

Just another pretty face..?

2009-03-15T22:05:00.000-07:00

Hoofer leaders are working frantically to get a photo-ID system implemented before the start of the 2009 season (see sample at right). Some of the older, single, male "club leaders" are particularly excited by this system's potential. That's because once everybody's photo is in the database, they can go through it after hours, checking for cute girls they'd like to pursue. Once those faces have names, it's a simple matter to find out (you guessed it--by scanning the database) when the objectives sign up for any lessons. After that, well, use your imagination.

Club leaders have been trying to get it up for years, and it looks like they might finally have the photo database in place. Of course, the vast majority of club members do not have access to the database (only about 10% do).

We question the need for photographs on Hoofer sailing club ID's. The club has had membership cards in the past, always without photos. Photos provide the incentive and opportunity (for some) to pursue devious ends (no pun intended).

Numbers don't lie

2009-02-22T14:08:00.000-08:00

But sailing club officers have been known to. One recently posted an analysis of last year's final budget. A few things jumped out:

(1) There was an unusual $83,644 expense to buy 420s.
(2) A major source of income is work-hour "deposits". Fewer than one in 10 club members got their "deposit" refunded.
(3) Most free memberships are, in essence, wages because they go to instructors.

Once the anomalous $83k 420 purchase is excluded and 80 free memberships are included (at $150/ea), you can see how much of the club's budget actually went to pay wages (see pie chart). This reflects a typical year. The vast majority of that cash went to instructors.

Story Time!

2009-01-17T22:34:00.000-08:00

The dead of winter, snow, ice, definitely no sailing for awhile.

A good time for recounting your Hoofer stories.

2008-10-13T21:03:00.000-07:00

The Hoofer Sailing Club Bylaws state that the commodore shall:

"inform the general membership of the Sailing Club of all decisions of the Board of Captains by posting the minutes of all meetings of the Board of Captains on the Sailing Club bulletin board."

Um, where are those then..? They weren't posted on any bulletin board that we could find. Perhaps the website qualifies these days, but the minutes aren't there either. Oh wait.... the Bylaws don't specify when the minutes have to be posted. Does that mean they can be posted 20 years from now..?! Would that be "keeping the general membership informed?

It's disturbing that the commodore can violate rules as he pleases with no consequences whatsoever. (unless corrupt Union managers are targeting him, but that's another story). Yet, when other club members violate even the tiniest rule, they get cornholed. (that is, unless they happen to be buddies with the commodore).

Meet the Commodore

2008-09-25T22:14:00.000-07:00

Meet the new Hoofer Sailing Commodore, Matt Duesrt, a.k.a. Sphinx. In the photo, Sphinx seems to be saying, "Get the f--- away from me!" Does he think he's a movie star..? Indeed, Sphinx does not like to be bothered with questions or problems, and his response is typically, "Leave me alone!".

Sphinx is waay too cool to be concerned with violations of club rules or similar such nonsense. So if you do have any problems (and there are many in Hoofers), contact the Union Director instead. Or better yet, your lawyer.

Winding Down

2008-09-15T11:18:00.000-07:00

September has seen the inauguration of a new commodore, Matt Duerst, and things are looking up already--Matt has finally gotten someone to update the website to show current BOC members, something the former commodore never bothered to do in his 12 excruciating months as commodore.

But wait... what's this, a club "photographer"..? Is that a BOC position?! Does the club really need to pay someone to take photos when we've already got photos coming out the wazoo? Everyone and their mother has a digital camera these days. If you want photos, just send a message to club members to bring their cameras with them and share the photos later. No one wants to help pay for a "club photographer" even if photography is really fun. There is of course the question of quantity vs. quality, but unless the new official photographer has a degree in photography, that's not an issue.

And what's this now...an official BOC position for "Lakefront Beautificator"!? Can I have that job?? I'll be out there scrubbing the concrete 24/7. Promise.

We'll keep an eye on these and other new developments, but for now let's all keep our fingers crossed that '08-09 will be a banner year.

The annual ritual

2008-08-14T15:25:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday, a handful of long-time club members gathered in a dark room with beer and chips to decide the club's future. What..? You thought I was talking about the typical BOC (Board of Captains) meeting? Actually, that's pretty much the same scenario, but I was talking about the annual commodore election!

At the "election", the funky monkeys and their sock puppets gave speeches, everyone shook hands, mingled, and tried to act serious. Finally they "elected" a new commodore, code name Sphinx, who promised new boats, lower membership fees, more club members, better planning, and so on and so forth. Sound familiar..? Each person got one vote (except people who managed to get ahold of some extra ballots--there's no telling how many votes they got.)

As club members deposited their ballots, several people appeared to put a whole handful in. One claimed he was dropping off ballots for a friend who had to leave. But then, how did the friend have time to vote..?! Oddly, a number of ballots were later found mixed in with the chips. Viva la monkey.

Incomprehensible

2008-07-28T23:38:00.000-07:00

Eleven months into Chris Frye's one year term as commodore, no BOC minutes have yet been posted to the website by "secretary" Chas. None at all, for the past 11 months!! That's some 25 BOC meetings! Aren't minutes supposed to be posted, like, every couple of weeks..? What is Chas getting a free membership for?? (And is Chas even the secretary..? There's no way of knowing since the BOC informacion isn't current either.)

Of course, club members don't care what happens behind the scenes anyway because (a) they have no control over what happens, and (b) there are no club members! Hence, no BOC minutes.

Misinformation--or no information at all--is a standard tactic for fighting wars and for controlling other people. In that light, I guess the lack of posted minutes is perfectly comprehensible.

Trying to hide

2008-07-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

Now that C-Cup has been fully milked, maybe the commodore has time to update the website to show this year's BOC. Eleven months into his term as commodore, the website still lists last year's BOC.

The UW-Milwaukee Sailing Club not only lists email addresses for its club officers but also their phone numbers so that club members can actually contact someone when necessary. Apparently in Hoofers, you're expected to come wander the lakefront, hoping to cross paths with the club officer you seek--not that most general club members even know what they look like. Are Hoofer leaders afraid of all the complaints they'd get if it were easier to contact them..?

Commodore's Cup to honor Beavis

2008-07-10T14:58:00.000-07:00

Commodore's Cup officially begins tomorrow and is open to anyone, especially cool people. Sign up at the boathouse, or save your money and show up anyway.

Update--July 17: Commodore's Cup is underway and the commodore himself has been spotted on several occasions!

At least, we think he's still the commodore. But according to club rules, he cannot be because he's not a UW-Madison student, although he may have registered last fall. Unfortunately, the club's constitution is a bit vague on this. It says:

Section 1. The Commodore and Vice-Commodore shall be Sailing Club members and UW-Madison students.

Perhaps registering in the Fall is sufficient, although for all other known purposes, an individual is not considered a student during the following summer unless s/he was registered for the spring semester too. And of course, being commodore during the summer is what it's all about. This may be one for the legal gurus.

Incase there was any doubt...

2008-07-04T14:30:00.000-07:00

As if the exclusive red lifejackets, private parties, paid training, fast-track to ratings, access to the club's library and photos, lakefront keys, and other exclusive benefits and privileges weren't enough, a new sign (see image) on the boathouse this year proclaims to general club members and everyone else who reads it--juust incase they were wondering-- that "We are cooler than you!" That is, Hoofer Sailing instructors are cooler than the other 90% of club members who are paying them.

Those of us observing Hoofers already knew that instructors were cool. Not necessarily good sailors or teachers, but extremely cool. They have every right to post large, laminated, color flyers announcing that they are cool. If I'm better than you, by God, I'm going to let people know.

Is the sign supposed to be tongue-in-cheek..? After all, it does say "you" can sail and party with "us". Hmmm. Of course, any club member can sign up for a lesson and "sail" "with" an instructor. But that's hardly sailing with someone as a friend or equal. Furthermore, instructor parties are not announced to the general club membership. Hence, to party with "us", you have to somehow find out about our parties (try climbing over the wall to the instructor cubicle), also find out where they are (locality changes from week to week), and then crash them!

Hey, if you're cool enough to party with us, you should be able to do that. (BYOB please).

Slow learners or poor teachers?

2008-06-27T16:32:00.000-07:00

A quick look at a random sampling of ratings shows some interesting stuff. Of the 92 club members with last names beginning with K - M, their ratings break down as follows:

7 have ratings on at least three different types of craft
15 have a Tech rating plus one other rating (mostly sailboard)
32 have a Tech light rating only
38 have no ratings at all

Thus, three-fourths of all club members never advance any further than a Tech light rating! Importantly, these ratings statistics are a snapshot of club makeup that will not change appreciably from one year to the next. Annual memberships can be bought at any time, expiring exactly one year later. Thus, although some of the people who joined early this year will have more rating(s) by September or by 2009 (if they re-join the club), the memberships of other people who have ratings will have expired in the meantime.

News Flash!

2008-06-16T23:52:00.000-07:00

As a result of the recent record rainfall and flooding throughout southern Wisconsin, Lake Mendota is now a very large septic tank. Until further notice, none of the small Hoofer boats should be sailed because they can easily capsize, and no windsurfing unless you want to end up with an eye infection, ear infection, or amoebic dysentary. The Union's swimming pier was closed (and fenced off!) today.

Latest info: http://www.ci.madison.wi.us/news/view.cfm?news_id=927

NOTE: As of 6/30/08, there are toxic blue-green algae warnings that will probably continue for the rest of the summer.

Predators, parasites, and prey

2008-06-08T20:02:00.000-07:00

Hoofer Sailing Club as currently organized functions as an active farm where those in charge prey on the vast majority of club members in parasitic fashion, like tapeworms in the gut of a large mammal. They do this by:

(1) falsely advertizing the benefits of club membership.
(2) obtaining membership fees from lots of people and using those fees to pay themselves.
(3) making sure that they don't give out too many ratings (except to eachother).
(4) by re-hiring eachother to teach lessons year after year.
(5) by appointing eachother to key Board of Captains positions after electing eachother to commodore and vice-commodore every year.
(6) by using a "work hours deposit" to coerce general club members into doing the menial supporting tasks such as data entry, boat repairs, food preparation, cleaning up the lakefront, etc.

Note that the work hours deposit recently got doubled. That was a clever move. And yet, 90% of club members have no say whatsoever in how the club is run, except (laugh) when they get to cast their vote for commodore each August. Only about 5% of club members even bother to vote in that election.

Thus the 90% are there (i.e. join the club) to serve the 10%, although of course they don't realize it at the time. They think they joined to learn how to sail. If someone pays their $200 membership fee, takes a couple of lessons, gets disgusted, and is never seen again, do club leaders care..? Of course not--that's the best kind of club member: Leave the money and run! The worst kind are the complainers--the ones who demand ratings on boats they're qualified to sail. They have to be dealt with, with disciplinary action for example, or by deleting the entire Forum in 2006. Club leaders have even been known to consult with attorneys so they could change club rules and administer more severe punishment to unsuspecting club members.

Hoofer Sailing wants your cash!

2008-06-07T22:18:00.000-07:00

Hoofer leaders urgently need a large influx of cash to help pay their friends, er, the hired staff. All major credit cards accepted!

New this year, you can join the club for four years at a time. No more having to get your checkbook out every single year! Why did the club come up with this insidious plan?

Could it be because membership is dropping and they want to snare people for as long as possible up front..? Read the fine print: NO REFUNDS. If you join for four years, and then find out a month later that the club sucks or that you don't really care for sailing, you just dropped more than five hundred bucks. Or your parents did.

Paid staff, eels, and other slippery things

2008-06-06T23:29:00.000-07:00

So today I'm walking past the 420s and scows and there's this guy standing on the foredeck of an I-20 looking up the mast. He says, "Hey, can you show me how to rig this thing? I've only sailed it once, and I have to teach a lesson in half an hour!" He wasn't talking to me. He was talking to another "instructor" working on a 420 a few feet away, and he wasn't joking.

Now, I've been taking I-20 lessons for two years, maybe once a month, not spending a whole ton of time but I'm not all that keen on sailing them. Yet, although I can sail one heeled in 15 knots and jibe it without capsizing, I still don't have that goshdarn rating for some reason. Meanwhile, here's a guy who is obviously clueless, and he's instructing..!?

What if I'd been on his lesson today..? Would I be getting my money's worth? Not only does he not know what he's doing, and not only is he getting a free club membership to sail whatever boats he likes, and not only is he also getting paid by the hour--by me--I obviously know more than he does, and if I'd been signed up for his "lesson", I would have ended up teaching him!

This sort of thing is not the exception but rather is the rule at Hoofers. Instructors can check off whatever ratings they'd like as soon as they're "hired", and it usually takes one quick sail on a boat to get rated. On the other hand, I'm just a "general" club member who paid dues (i.e. a cash cow). Welcome to Hoofers.

Paying wages in a club environment is the root of the problem. If you've got a cush job, you'll do whatever you can to keep it from one year to the next. That means denying volunteer applicants and rehiring your buddies instead--regardless of their sailing or teaching skills. The official interview guidelines (obtained by our operatives) actually state that "how fun" a person is is the most important hiring criterion!! And since it's last year's instructors who do the "hiring", they are naturally inclined to re-hire their friends instead of someone who might actually be better qualified. Think about it. If you're not their sailing or party buddy, your fun level (to them) is zero.

The official explanation is that the quality of instruction must be maintained and that paid staff are the answer. That's a load of bull because (1) there's no way to know if someone will be a good teacher unless you let them try it, and (2) many of the paid instructors are incompetent. Paid instructors are offered whatever ratings they want as soon as they're hired, at which point they can immediately start teaching lessons on those fleets (for an hourly wage, no less). This often leads to poor instruction on the sloops, scows, and J-boats, especially by paid staff (as seen from the true anecdote above). That is to say, paid staff have a shortcut to ratings while everyone else has to earn them. Thus, volunteer (unpaid) instructors, i.e. regular club members, are often better sailors and better instructors!

A final concern is the question of education. It can be expected that any and every organization which is part of the state's largest university has education as its fundamental goal. In particular, this includes teaching teachers. Thus, in Hoofers one should expect to learn not only how to sail but also how to teach sailing. It seems therefore that every club member who wants to teach lessons should be allowed to do so at some point. Yet, the archaic system of entrenched favors persists, its purpose being to serve itself by rewarding popular, fun guys who also happen to be passable sailors.

Naughty Rascals

2008-05-23T21:02:00.000-07:00

Today in club news: the mast broke on one of the club's largest boats, Knotty Rascal. Yes, slow down and read that again: The mast snapped in half on the club's 27 ft cruising yacht--while it was under sail! Club leaders quickly yelled "vandalism!"

Think about that. Either it was vandalism (extremely unlikely), or it was gross negligence. Someone could have been seriously injured had they been hit by the falling rig. The boat had to be towed in afterwards. Even if you're not a sailor, you know that a boat's mast should never, ever come down, except maybe in a hurricane.

KR is a cruiser with wheel steering, a large cabin, and an engine. Don't imagine you'll ever be able to sail it, though--even if the mast gets fixed and you cough up the bucks to join Hoofers (oof). The ratings checklist for KR has almost 500 items on it!! The boat is strictly reserved for club leaders and their friends (like all the club's best boats).

Putting the incident in context

2008-05-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

Worst of all, the Knotty Rascal incident is just typical Hoofers. Last year, it was something else. The year before that, something else. Since 2004, two Hoofer keelboats (small yachts) have sunk, one has bombed the pier so hard it had to be lifted out of the water the next day, another had the mast snapped in half (though not while sailing), and I'm sure I'm forgetting a couple. Yippee! We're sailors!

Meanwhile, the commodore is busy plotting how to abuse long-time club members who are demanding ratings on boats they've been sailing for the past ten years. Welcome to the Hoofer sailing club.

Instructor Hiring

2008-03-11T18:40:00.000-07:00

Well, it's that time of year again. The Hoofer Sailing Club leadership is going through the annual ritual of pretending to interview and hire instructors. As usual, you can bet the instructor corps will end up being the same old (not literally), 20-ish, hip white crowd, most of whom think it's cool to drive drunk in their underwear. As for actual instructing and ratings, expect the same reciprocated favors as usual.

Fun fact: Did you know the instructor exam is only used to weed out unpopular applicants? Yes--the results are tossed when popular, fun guys score poorly. What does that say about the commitment to quality instruction..?

More corruption at the Union

2008-02-29T21:51:00.000-08:00

Today's Daily Cardinal had a front page story on mismanagement and abuse at the Wisconsin Union. Thirty three employees, most of them students, signed a letter to the Dean of Students complaining about mismanagement and abuse in their Wis. Union jobs--by their supervisor. They named some guy (facilities manager?) but of course it's really a trickle down effect from Union Director Mark Guthier who oversees all bad things at the Union.

This may not seem like sailing news, but it is if any Hoofer employees signed onto that letter. Guthier had some idiotic things to say in defending Union management, e.g. "That's only 5% of our 700 employees..." Five percent?! That seems like a lot to me, especially considering that most people won't complain even if they are being mistreated. So in reality, the percentage is probably much higher.

Another article revealed widespread "theft" by Stiftskeller employees. Apparently whenever someone pays for a pitcher with exact change, they take it as a tip and ring up "NO SALE". Obviously, the Union should lower its beer prices so less cash gets stolen! :P

In any case, it's clear that corruption permeates the Wisconsin Union from top to bottom.... and there's your connection to Hoofers, by the way.

That was waay too hard

2008-02-29T01:27:00.000-08:00

Beavis would say, "Heh-heh, he said hard." That header was a real pain in the butt.

What exactly is a club "leader"?

2008-02-27T22:37:00.000-08:00

The online dictionary defines lead·er as
1. One that leads or guides.
2. One who is in charge or in command of others.

It's clear that Hoofer "leaders" have taken no. 2 to heart. Instead of leading and guiding, they take control--of equipment and other resources. This means ratings are problematic. If they rate you on a particular boat, then they've lost control over you. As Henry Kissinger said, "Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac."

Perhaps this is why you so often see club "leaders" inappropriately ripping their clothes off and jumping in while general club members stare in disbelief. Of course, most club members aren't slurping the aphrodisiac. Quite the contrary, they're sucking up to the "leaders" with the hope of getting rated on a particular boat, or hoping for some other favor. What Kissinger didn't mention is that power, by definition, relies on keeping power away from others.

Hoofer Sailing Club--Wikipedia

2008-02-27T22:17:00.000-08:00

In current news, there's a raging edit war over the Hoofer Sailing Club article in Wikipedia. Some people (BOC?) evidently don't like to see any criticisms and have repeatedly vandalised the article. One person ("Fleetcaptain") has made more than one hundred separate edits to the page over the past week! He removed well supported criticisms, messed up the article with more than 40 separate subheadings to make it unreadable, and added tons of trivia. Not really appropriate for an "encyclopaedic" article, unless you're hammered or high on crack.

Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoofer_Sailing_Club and click on history. More coming soon....

2008-02-27T22:02:00.000-08:00

...

Shenanigans

2008-02-27T22:01:00.000-08:00

Okay, the site is finally up! Here you'll find news and information on all sorts of things the sailing club doesn't post (or allow) on its own website. Hopefully this can also serve as the club's new FORUM now that the hoofersailing.org Forum has been censored by club leaders. This should also free up the keelboat list from non-keelboat related items.

The Pole Jumpers

2008-01-19T22:20:00.000-08:00

Unknown to most Hoofer Sailing Club members, there exists a secret club-within-the-club that only a scant few can ever join. Only the coolest, raddest, best-looking male club members are invited into this clique, known to some as the Pole Jumpers. Here's their inside story, revealed for the first time ever.

"Sailing is great fun, but what if you want more..? What if tacking upwind and popping back to Hoofers just isn't as much fun as it used to be? You're bored with that. You want some action, some excitement, some tighter camraderie. So, what else can you do in a big co-ed club like Hoofers? Well, boats aren't just for sailing anymore. There is lots of equipment that can be put to other good uses, including pole jumping.

Here's how it works. While sailing on a reach with the headsail down, you stand alongside the mast and grab onto the end of the spinnaker pole. Then someone else yanks the pole forward using the foreguy. Of course, this only works on the club's biggest boats (e.g. Soma). At exactly the right moment, you let go. Let go too soon and you'll trip on the lifelines. Wait too long and you'll land underneath the bow. Landing as far from the boat as possible is a good idea. When you hit the water, there is a tendency to spin around, and as it's dark out, you can easily lose your orientation. Getting back to the surface is not at all a given. Tumbling around underwater at night can be very scary—or very exciting if you're able to channel your fear.

Points and other favors are awarded for stunts. For example, you might score if you can do a back flip in the air and finish with something better than a bellyflop. And stripping off your shorts in mid-air will guarantee you a bigtime score. The ultimate is to use your momentum to fling yourself to the other side of the boat as the pole slams into the forestay—without getting run over. Variations can be done with the spinnaker actually up, but this requires more wind. After everyone has put on their own little show, you drop anchor, slam a few shots, and everyone jumps in together.

It's a test, of course, to see if you're man enough to bond with like-minded members. And since this club-within doesn't officially exist, it's hard to make any discrimination complaints.

Now, that's the story they want you to hear. The real purpose of the club-within is known only by its secret members. The rest of us can only guess at what they're really doing out there at night in the water.

Revenge, served Hoofer-style

2008-01-18T22:38:00.000-08:00

A true story. One July day in 2004, the wind was screaming out of the southwest at 25kn. Although I already had my J heavy, I couldn't resist weather like this, so I left work early and raced to the lakefront, hoping to get a ride. Sure enough, someone had cancelled and there was space on a J22 lesson. Twenty minutes later, four of us were popping the chute and blasting out of the mooring field: myself, two newbies, and Drew Wilson, the Vice Commodore and an avid sailor--on dinghies and scows. How did he get hired to teach J lessons..? No matter. I was an experienced keelboat sailor, so if we got into trouble, yippee!

The next two hours flew by. After a couple of spinnaker runs, it was already time to douse. By now Drew was fairly pissed at me for giving orders. I wasn't trying to show him up, but he clearly hadn't sailed much in heavy weather, at least not on the J's, so I was naturally giving directions when necessary. But it was his lesson, and he had me standing on the transom now, just watching. What happened next was unclear.

As we raced into picnic bay, Drew tried to explain how to douse. There was something about blowing the guy, something about the sheet. Was it windward or leeward..? It didn't look like the crew were ready, but I was just an observer at this point. Suddenly, the chute was flying like a kite from the top of the mast, and Drew went berserk.

"What the f---!!" he screamed at one of the crew. "Why did you let go of the sheet?!"

Dumb stares all around. Too bad Drew had shut me up. I could have said something before the students did their naughty. We sailed in circles as people on shore shouted and laughed. Finally--after putting on a good show--we managed to catch one of the sheets and pulled the thing down. Drew didn't say any more to me until after we had docked.

When the other crew were out of earshot, he turned to me. "This was your fault," he sputtered.

"What?!" I laughed. "You were the instructor."

"You have a J rating, so you were responsible too." That might have been true had Drew not told me to shut up. Now he had to blame someone for his incompetence. Indeed, he was extra pissed because he wasn't a keelboater and was only teaching on the J's by virtue of his position as VC. In Hoofarts, it's not what you know but whom. Plus, he had got an earful when we landed, from people who didn't like seeing an expensive spinnaker handled like that. Drew would have his revenge soon enough, though.

The following weeks saw more strong southerly winds, and one day I took the J out with a friend. He was a sailor too, and a good one. The two of us rode the chute across the lake under puffy clouds, then beat our way back. It was a fantastic sail. As we approached the mooring field, a motorboat raced toward us. This was odd. As it got closer, I saw that it was Drew.

"Your ratings are suspended for a week!" he screamed from fifty yards away. "It's yellow flag and you don't have a skipper rating!"

Huh? I certainly did have a skipper rating, albeit on the larger keelboats. Wasn't that enough, combined with my heavy rating on the J's..? I'd checked the radar before we left and no weather was coming. None did either. Only the vengeful Drew. He had been keeping an eye on me, studying my ratings, waiting for the tiniest slip-up so he could get back at me for that J lesson he messed up. And now he had his revenge.

NOTE: this is a true story but the names have been changed.

The crazy weasel

2008-01-18T22:00:00.000-08:00

It's a truism that you can't learn how to handle emergencies without actually experiencing some. So it is that Hoofer keelboaters go looking for trouble, and often they find it.

One day I found myself on a Soma lesson, screaming toward Maple Bluff in 25kn winds, with puffs up around 30. The instructor was good ol' Pat Moroney, a 60ish balding guy with a baseball cap. I'd sailed with him plenty, on lessons and cruises, so I knew that Pat liked to sail on the edge. [Recklessness has its advantages: I'd learned a lot during a couple of broaches, although the crew who landed in the water may not have learned so much...but that's another story.]

Today was no exception. We hoisted the chute in picnic bay and rode it out. From the start, Pat was having a blast, so much so that he wouldn't let anyone else take the helm, even the two skipper candidates on board: myself, already with a skipper rating on Toyboat, and Kareb, a serious sailor from Greece with a cute wife. She was on board too, along with three less experienced students.

Things started to get out of hand as soon as we reached open water. As the two most experienced crew, Kareb and I were on the foredeck, reluctantly preparing to gybe.

"We have to douse!" I shouted back toward the cockpit. Kareb echoed that. I'd been in similar weather before on Toy, Maria, and other large keelboats, and I had learned one thing: 30 knot winds are simply not spinnaker weather. If you fly it, something will get damaged, be it equipment or crew. The boat was rolling so hard now that Kareb and I had to use both hands to hang on.

Pat's response came as no surprise. "Prepare to gybe!" he yelled again from astride the tiller, a look of idiotic determination on his face. Kareb and I looked at eachother, then shouted again to be sure he heard us.

"We're dousing!!" we yelled in unison at the top of our lungs. I looked up at the heavy chute, hard with air and marching back and forth before the mast now, and wondered how long it would last. Losing the spinnaker wasn't the only risk. The way the boat was rocking and rolling, we could also do a flying gybe or round up hard. Either could cause serious injury. But again the robotic response from the cockpit.

"No, we're gyyybing! Get ready!" The four other crew were gripping the handrails like baby monkeys on their mother's back, hanging on for dear life. Suddenly, the matter resolved itself. With a loud pop, the spinnaker halyard snapped and the chute billowed into the water in front of us.

Reflexively, Kareb and I scrambled to the lifelines and started pulling the chute in as fast as we could, but it was settling faster than we could gather it in. We were going to run it over, and then we'd surely get tangled up! At best, the chute would be destroyed. I pulled as fast as I could, gashing myself on meathooks on the old lifeline as I did. Much of the chute was in the water now, and getting heavier fast as it started to go under the bow. Incredibly, Kareb and I managed to get it aboard just in time. The head--with a length of red halyard still attached--slid up from amidships. We were soaked and bleeding, but the spinnaker was saved.

Back on shore, Kareb's wife and another student tracked me down, knowing that I was the second most experienced person on board and also a keelboat skipper. Although it was a warm July day, both of them were shivering, or shaking.

"Was that safe..?" asked -----. Her friend just stared, eyes wide.

Now it was my turn to be the robot, to do my part to protect Hoofers. "Sure," I said, my eyes betraying disgust with Pat. "I've been in windier conditions than that. Soma can handle anything." Of course, people and sails are a different matter. Later, I would be grilled by the fleet captain about why we tried a gybe instead of just dousing, as if it had been my decision. And sometime after that, I would learn that Pat had told him it was.

NOTE: this story is absolutely true, but the names have been changed.

The Eunuchs

2008-01-17T20:57:00.000-08:00

According to Hoofer legend, a large, prehistoric fish has prowled the depths of Lake Mendota for many years. Some say the fish—possibly a pirarucu or a very large sturgeon or alligator gar—was released by a Madison resident when it became too big for its tank, eventually growing to more than ten feet in size.

As the story goes, while swimming off a boat one day, the club's first commodore was attacked below the waist by the carnivorous fish and lost all function in those parts. Today, like 15th Century Oriental captains, every new commodore must undergo mock castration as part of his installation ceremony. Later, during Commodore's Cup, he is carted around in a rickshaw for all to see.

No one knows for sure if the huge fish still exists, but evidence occasionally surfaces in the form of a half-eaten deer or pig. Several swimmers and canoers have also vanished into the lake in recent years, their disappearances still unsolved. Believe it or not.

Coming soon!

2008-01-16T18:24:00.000-08:00

Hoofer legend and lore. Check back again! In the meantime, leave your stories, anecdotes, and tales of lore here!

Request a Topic

2007-12-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

Leave a comment here to have it added as a new Forum Topic.
Be sure to include a title. (It may take a day or so for your
topic to show up online.) NOTE: Only registered users can post
new topics, whereas anyone can comment on existing topics.

Florida State 42, Wisconsin 13! Yeah!

2007-12-24T23:11:00.000-08:00

Ah, Florida--a great place for sailing and football. There's not much sailing news these days, so it seems like a good time for other stuff. The radio is blaring as I type, promoting the benefits of a college football playoff instead of bowl games, probably because so many of the bowls are pathetic jokes. Which one did Wisconsin just lose..? Was it the Carquest Hinder Binder Bowl? It wasn't the Rose Bowl. The fact that anyone even talks about a college football playoff is support for Isaac Asimov's "marching morons theory" which hypothesizes that over time, the human population will become stupider and stupider.

A college playoff is about the dumbest idea since a new Union South. Not only is training football players not the purpose of higher education, but who cares who the "best" college football team is? There's just no need to know, not that a playoff would answer that question anyway. Let us know what you think about college football playoffs or J-22 prerequisites.

(Orig posted: Dec. 27, 2008)

Pumpkin funk

2007-12-24T22:13:00.000-08:00

That scary time of the year is here again.... pumpkin disaster, er, regatta! In this event, some suckers, er, racers, agree to sit in large, overripe pumpkins and row around in cold water. Why do they do this..? No one knows, but it may have something to do with pier pressure. :D

The event was started in 2005 and is such a curiosity that that year, so many people stopped to gawk that the main Hoofer pier collapsed under the load, dumping about 20 people into the cold October water (see story at http://badgerherald.com/news/2005/ 10/10/pier_collapses_durin.php). Hoofer officials insisted that no one was injured seriously, although it's hard to fathom a pier full of people suddenly being dropped among wooden pier sections and rusty steel trusses without being injured. This year, there were no major incidents. Hurrah!

(Originally: 10/6/08 10:13 PM)

Comic Archive

2007-11-30T22:05:00.000-08:00

2011

June 1 2010

March 4 2010

Aug 20 2009

Aug 10 2009

July 25 2009

July 12

July 4

Apr 27 2009

August 14

August 2

July 25

July 22

July 18

July 4

Jun 27

Jun 20

Club Overview and Info

2007-09-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

Do you crave abuse..? Do you enjoy it when someone jumps on your stomach as you sleep on the living room floor after a party? Do you love the sensation of being spanked? If so, then Hoofer Sailing Club might be the place for you!

INTRODUCTION

The Hoofer Sailing Club is a premiere educational organization located at the Wisconsin Union, UW-Madison. Contrary to what you might expect, though, the de facto purpose of Hoofers is not to teach sailing but rather sociology. And unfortunately, it is not taught in a formal environment but by trial and error--and without supervision. The development of political skills such as manipulation, misdirection, and defamation is strongly encouraged, and associated skills, e.g. misappropriation and "cooking the books" can be learned too. The sailing wrapper is used to this end, but any sociopolitical environment would suffice. Thus while it is certainly possible to learn to sail in Hoofers, you do so in an uncontrolled environment where self-designated "club leaders" are authorized to treat you as they please. It is much like a fraternity where hazing is explicitly allowed and where the faculty adviser is never around.

BEASTS OF BURDEN

It's no coincidence that the club's largest boat is painted like a cow. New members must pay a $200+ membership fee up front, and then they are slapped with a supposedly refundable work hours deposit, weekly social fees, special event fees, and other costs. Meanwhile, some 100 club "leaders" pay nothing at all, and many are actually paid by the club, i.e. by you and the vast herd of cash cows that comprise the general membership. But wait, isn't this how the world operates..? People buy stuff, pay salaries to their employees, and so on, and the economy hums along, right? Yet, Hoofers is a club, not a service unit. The club's constitution requires that every club member be allowed to participate, including by teaching lessons on fleets they're qualified to sail.

The problems stem from an active effort by the commodore and his cronies to subjugate the other 700 club members, even passing new rules to help themselves do this. A well established core of paid instructors (overseen by the BOC) helps to control ratings and access to the best boats, among other things. Hence a rule that potential instructors must be "hired". Isn't it enough to be a good sailor and teacher..? Not in Hoofers. Paid staff (as opposed to volunteers, i.e. unpaid club members) ensure a vested interest in maintaining the status quo from year to year. If you've got a cush job, you'll do whatever you can to keep it.

HOW TO GET IN ON THE FUN

Of course, everyone can't take advantage of everyone else at the same time (don't quote me on that--it may actually be possible in Hoofers). However, if you manage to stick around long enough, say three or four years, and if you're ambitious, you've got a chance of becoming a Hoofer Leader yourself. Then you'll have upwards of 700 club members to milk and abuse (not including other leaders and instructors). Ultimately, it's the commodore who can and does do the most damage to the club because s/he has virtually no limitations on his authority. The commodore appoints all but one of the 20 other BOC (Board of Captains) members, and they know they're beholden to the commodore who can remove them on a whim. This happens periodically when a BOC member opposes questionable behaviour by the commodore. For details on how the club's predator-prey mechanism operates, check out this page.

COST-BENEFIT ANALYSIS

For a couple hundred bucks, you can learn to sail dinghies and sailboards, and you won't run into trouble if that's all you want to do. But the club also has larger boats and yachts which are featured prominently in advertisements. The problems begin when you decide you want to sail those boats, too, because they are actually reserved for club leaders and their friends. According to the club's official website, anyone can join Hoofers and get rated on any boat. What they don't mention is that it can take 10 years to get rated on the most desirable boats--even if you can sail them masterfully after two.

Still not convinced? The new membership form is no longer referred to as a contract (as it was until 2007) but rather as an application because current club leaders might not actually let you join once they check out your college transcript, criminal record, and any dirty rumors they can dig up on you. It also states that even if you are allowed to join, your sailing privileges can be revoked for any reason at any time and that Hoofers can keep your money. Thus, if you join the club, find something wrong, and complain about it, it's adios and thanks for the $200 donation! Make sure to read the fine print before signing.

Hoofers prefers cash, but also accepts Visa, Mastercard, personal checks, cashier's checks, postal money orders, stocks, bonds, U.S. treasury notes, precious metals, unused stamps, and some foreign currencies.

Be sure to check out the rest of the Blog for more info!